Punish my child

Christen's over right now. Fay had to tutor this morning and didn't want to bring Christen along, and I knew Ellie would like to play. They're best friends. That is, they always want to be together and end up bickering the whole time. Everytime they get together, Fay and I prepare them ahead of time with "No fighting, no yelling, no grabbing, no pushing, no pinching."

Anyway, as I've written in the past, I was getting all depressed because Ellie was being such a bully and getting time out for pinching and stuff. Today has been somewhat of a revelation. Christen has been bossing her around ALL MORNING, telling her she can't do whatever it is she happens to be doing. My conclusion is that her aggressive behavior is usually a result of being provoked. Like, she knows clearly what she's allowed to do and not do, so it's frustrating when her friend tells her she's not allowed to sit in a certain chair or play with certain toys in her own house.

Not that it's OK to pinch, mind you. She gets time out for pinching, even if the argument was not initiated by her. Also, I'm not blind to her faults. I know she's aggressive and pinches when NOT provoked at times. We had a playdate at this gymnastics place. This girl was sitting on this piece of equipment that Ellie wanted, so she just went over and pinched her. Immediately I'm reprimanding her and putting her in time out. The girl's mom (8 months pregnant) comes over and starts yelling at her daughter. I assure her that her daughter had nothing to do with it and apologized profusely. The woman responds, "Oh, that's all right. Maybe not this time, but I'm sure she'll do something to deserve it sooner or later." I thought that was great.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is playing with other kids whose parents have different discipline styles. Some of our friends want you to discipline their child if they misbehave. Others are very sensitive to their kids' faults and get all offended if you even reprimand them. It's essential to know what your friends expect from you when you're with their kid... and then do even less. You know what I mean? Like Fay and I have a clear understanding that we'll reprimand each others' kids, but I don't think either of us would put the other's kid in time out. I'd want her to, though. We try to be consistent with the disciplining, so it sucks if Ellie gets away with stuff when we're not there.

For future reference, if you ever watch Ellie and/or Matthew, time out is given immediately for any aggressive behavior, defiance, or temper tantrums. Feel free to punish my children anytime you see this happen. Thanks for your cooperation. :)

My little man

I'm really into Matthew these days. That sounds weird. He is, after all, my child. He's finally starting to interact and stuff. He's always happy to see me, and now he kinda coos. He says mostly "aya" and gurgles. Then spits up all over me. Anyway, I write so much more about Ellie than Matthew so I'm dedicating today to him. Here are some updates.

His jaundice is almost gone. Two months is a pretty long time to be yellow. The whites of his eyes are now a very pale canary.

He is pooping like a madman. He's had these explosive poos everyday for the past 3 days. I mean, poos that squirt out of his diaper either in the back or the leghole. And breastmilk poo stains like crazy if you don't get it out right away. I think this may coincide with the jaundice going away. Apparently pooping a lot is the way to get the extra bilirubin out of your system... or something like that.

He's a mama's boy. At night when it's time to go to sleep, he only wants me to soothe him. Peter could carry him and rock him for hours to no avail, but when he gets in Mommy's arms he's totally content.

He constantly reminds me of my need to lose weight. Matthew likes being held so that he's standing up. If I stand him on my lap, he'll immediately step up to my tummy roll. If I place him above the roll, he'll solemnly take a few steps back. I don't know if it's just really comfortable and cushy there or what, but it's his favorite spot.

He's not really into his big sister. I've heard of babies that love their older siblings from birth. Like, they get excited or they stop crying or whatever when they see their siblings. Ellie can't get enough of Matthew and has even told me that he likes her the best, but I think more than anything, she just harrasses him. He seems pretty happy when she's not around.

He still doesn't look like anyone. People say he looks more like my side of the family, and I think he favors my mom's side. He doesn't really look like me, though. Definitely not Peter, although the general consensus is that his eyes are more Jung. When his eyes are closed and his mouth is open he sort of looks like my brother. Also when he's sleeping and he does this goofy smile. He has Danny's long eyelashes, as does Ellie.

He's a cuddle bunny. I know, I know. It's not right to call him a bunny, but that's a term I use with Ellie. He's been sleeping in the bed with me and he'll somehow scooch over to me so that I wake up with him smooshed up against me, no matter where I've placed him initially. (He sleeps on his tummy, by the way.) Paranoid parents, don't freak out. I've never rolled over him. Sometimes he'll wake up and fuss, but if I put my hand on him he stops. In general, he just wants someone to be touching him at all times. Which is tiring sometimes. OK, a lot of times.

I wondered what it'd be like to have a boy. Turns out, it IS different... somehow. I can't explain how. But it's nice. :) I call him Bubby, short for Baby Bubber. Here are some recent pictures of him. He's discovered his fist, so it's in most of his pictures. BTW, I spike his hair up intentionally. He just looks better like that.

Guilt

No one warns you about the inevitable feelings of guilt that accompany motherhood. Well, maybe not just mothers exclusively... is it just a part of being an adult? I dunno.

Anyway, I feel guilty everyday, usually several times a day. Here are some examples of homemaker guilt: I feel guilty when Peter starts wearing "desperation boxers" (i.e. the ones that are too small and look like briefs or the silk ones) because I haven't done laundry. I feel guilty when I don't make dinner or the dinner that I actually make is not good. I feel guilty that I don't cook very well. I feel guilty when the house is messy and I don't bother cleaning it up because Ellie destroys it again in 2 minutes. I feel guilty when Peter gets home from work and brings the trashcan in on trashday because I didn't do it earlier. But if I start taking care of those things, I feel guilty that I have to plop Ellie down in front of the TV with Dora on to do so (I so said I wouldn't be one of those moms...).

Actually, the other day I turned on Dora and tried to wash the very high pile of dishes in the sink while also doing the 4 loads of laundry that had piled up. Ellie comes over to me and takes my hand and says, "Mommy. Stop stop stop. Let's cuddle a little bit." OH MY GOSH. Seriously close to breaking down in tears. Sad! It's not like I ignore her all day or anything, but I'd been particularly busy that day. She'd also said earlier when I left her eating her mac and cheese (speaking of which, I feel guilty when I don't provide nutritious meals. At least it's organic mac and cheese.) by herself, "Mommy, I waiting for you. Let's eat together." I at that point was sorting the four loads of laundry and actually piling more dishes in the sink.

Mother/wife guilt: I feel guilty when I spend too much time with Matthew and can't give Ellie attention. I feel guilty when Ellie demands all my attention and I neglect Matthew. I feel guilty that I'm looking forward to Ellie starting Mothers' Day Out in September so I can have some time away from her. I feel guilty that I don't have nearly as many pictures of Matthew as I do of Ellie. I feel guilty when Peter comes home and I'm so sick of doling out attention that all I want from him is to clean up the house.

Random guilt: I feel guilty towards the friends we don't spend enough time with. I feel guilty when I don't have enough banchan at meals. I feel guilty when I take too long with thank you cards. I feel guilty when people ask for favors that I don't want to do. I feel guilty that I complain about my weight but eat Reese's cups at midnight (and I have a lot since I got them with a coupon at Costco). I feel guilty that shopping has become my only hobby and I spend money on useless things.

Spiritual guilt: I feel guilty when it's the end of the day and instead of spending time with God I just rewatch the routines from So You Think You Can Dance. I feel guilty that I'm not in any kind of active ministry. I feel guilty using my kids as an excuse. I feel guilty that I haven't developed relationships with anyone new at church in a long time.

So in conclusion (as every essay I wrote in elementary school ended), I feel guilty a lot. And it's kinda depressing. I'm just feeling really exhausted lately, physically and emotionally spent. Sigh. My friend Irene was in town for a day a month ago, and she asked about motherhood. I made it sound very... unhappy. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a mom. This is what I want to do. I don't think anyone can understand just how trying it can be unless you experience it yourself. That was a grammatically incorrect sentence, but I'm too tired to fix it. Seriously, I typed most of this with one hand b/c Ellie plopped herself in my lap and insisted on holding my other hand.

Sigh. Time to turn on Dora.

Must be nice

Must be nice being a baby. Matt used to always make these envious comments about Ellie's baby products. Like the Bjorn, for instance - I suppose he thought it'd be nice to be carried around all the time in a pouch. And he liked her Exersaucer too, I believe. Pretty fun being surrounded by toys everywhere you turn. He liked her "I Can't Read" shirt so much I made him one in his own size.

I was holding Matthew for a couple of hours tonight, as he FREAKS OUT when he is put down while awake. He's just perfectly content being smooshed up against me, all hot and kinda stinky (Houston heat, breastmilk, and kimchee... yick). Unfortunately, as Ellie told me the other night, "Baby no like Daddy. Baby like Mommy better." Matthew mostly wants me to hold him. For some reason, he cannot be soothed by other people. Peter will be holding him and Matthew will just fuss the whole time. Then I take him and he gets this look of sheer bliss (as blissful as you can look without smiling, that is).

How nice for him. I wish anytime I were unhappy with my situation I could just make little grunty noises, and everyone around me would go out of their way to make me happy again. I wish I only had to eat one thing to be both healthy and happy. I wish the most challenging thing in my life was getting out a good burp. I wish I could sleep 17 hours a day. Must be nice. At this point, I'd be satisfied with just having time to acknowledge happiness/unhappiness in a situation, merely 2 uninterrupted meals a day (neither cooked nor washed by me), and 5 hours of straight sleep. Actually, the burping would be nice, too.

Is it ridiculous to envy your two month old?

A little obsessive

Ellie's been much better. In fact, yesterday she didn't whine or cry once. She actually caught herself starting to when she couldn't get a book off the shelf. She stopped and said, "Help me, please." Yes! So I have hope that it was just a bad day. My dad asked if it was something hormonal... I think he was implying she had something PMS related. You know, because she's TWO.

Matthew started doing this goofy smile the other day. He opens his mouth and squints his eyes. The corners of his mouth don't necessarily go up, but you can tell he's happy. Like last week we left him with my mom to go out to dinner. When we came home, he was all panting and kicking and flailing his arms about. Completely straight-faced, but ecstatically happy. It was kinda funny. Sweet to know he missed me.

But anyway, what I really want to talk about is So You Think You Can Dance. They got rid of Stanislav. I looked it up online because I am apparently the only one I know who follows the show religiously. They said he didn't have enough personality. They changed the show format. The biggest change is that the judges assigned permanent partners (permanent until one is eliminated, that is, then I guess they just pair up the people who lost their partners). Then, instead of having the judges pick the bottom two couples the first night and America voting off the two people the second night, they have America vote for the bottom 3 couples, and the judges eliminate the people.

This new system seems flawed to me. First of all, I have major issues with the assigned partners. There's the obviously charismatic couple, the overly-confident and really talented couple, the kinda immature and technically weak couple... I don't know how they were assigned, but it's SOO subjective. I think they made it too easy for certain people to be successful. I do like it that the judges end up eliminating, though. At least they can ensure that the least talented people (not the least liked) will be out.

I've invested way too much time and thought into this show. Does ANYONE care about it like I do? Probably not.

ARGH!

Today was a day full of frustration. Ellie woke up from her nap super cranky and was the most attitudiest (new word) she's ever been. Seriously, just nonstop whining and crying and stuff. We were at my parents' house (more futile hopes of getting errands run without kids), and she was being just terrible. My dad was trying to watch this movie, but she wanted to watch Dora. Then she wanted dried blueberries, but my mom only had fresh ones. Then she didn't want to go shopping, but she didn't want to stay there, but she didn't know where she wanted to go. Then much crying and whining and frustrating of the mommy. Argh.

My dad has this thing about conditional love for his grandchildren. He would always tell Ellie when she was an infant that Grandpa only loved her when she was clean and happy and good. Fortunately for us all, she was that way most of the time (how I long for those days again). UNfortunately for her now, she's quite a terrible two. Unfortunately for Matthew as well, he fusses a lot if he's awake and not held. Hope Danny and Jieun's baby is clean and happy and good...

Anyway, one good thing came out of it. I got recognition from both my parents as being "superwoman" for having the ability to handle two sometimes crazy children. And I stopped myself from spanking in anger again. Again as in, I stopped myself again. I've never actually spanked her... yet. I was so at the end of my rope with her. She didn't want me to unbuckle her seatbelt, but she didn't want to stay in the car. So she was dangling from her carseat on her tummy for awhile, crying. Then she wanted me to hold her, but I wouldn't until she apologized. I asked if she was going to say sorry to Mommy, and she flat out said NO. It was the first time she'd rebelled against me. I would've cried had I not be infuriated with her.

After a very long time out, an actually sincere apology to Mommy, and many hugs, she was back to normal. She has fun at home with her toys and generally behaves. She even went to bed without an argument (although I did give in and read 4 instead of the standard 2 books). Maybe she was just tired? I dunno.

So she went to bed happily and I excitedly settled down to watch my So You Think You Can Dance results show on DVR... only to find out that the recording cut off the results for the guys! ARGH! They don't post the results online until the next day, I think, for Hawaii viewers' sake. Who watched? What happened?!

So that was my rough day. By the way, superwoman also managed to go to the grocery store, cook dinner, do dishes, put Ellie to bed by myself, clean the house somewhat, clean the toilets, and take a shower. Thank you very much.

A rough day

Boo. Ellie's sick. She took a nap really early yesterday (12:00 or so), then fell asleep again at 5:45. I was hoping she'd go through the night, but she woke up 3 hours later and puked. Then she went to bed at 11:30. Today she's not puking, but she has a fever for really only the 2nd time in her life. We watched a LOT of Dora today. Mostly the same episode over and over (where Benny the Bull gets turned into a potato).

So my whole plan for yesterday was ruined. Plan A was to meet with Peter for lunch at Komart, get groceries, go home and have the babies sleep while I make kalbi jjim in the crockpot and whatever else I can do ahead of time, run some errands when they wake up, then make a late dinner for us and Sammy, Gina, and Matt.

Then I discovered Matthew's carseat was in Peter's car. Here was plan B: Peter comes home to pick me up, we go to Komart and eat, I drop him off back at work, I make the kalbi jjim at my mom's house (right by his office) while the kids sleep, run errands and leave one kid with my mom, pick up the baby, pick Peter up, then make dinner at home.

Then Ellie fell asleep in the car as soon as we got in it. Here was plan C: Take the kids to my mom's and have them sleep while Peter and I eat and shop at Komart, drop Peter off, make kalbi jjim at my mom's, leave a baby with her and runn errands with the other, pick up the other, pick up Peter, go home and finish dinner.

Then my mom wasn't home. Here was plan D: Let Ellie sleep at my mom's house, run errands with both kids in the area after she wakes up, go to Komart, pick up Peter, go home and make dinner that did not include kalbi jjim, as I had run out of the time it takes to make it.

Then Matthew fell asleep right when Ellie woke up. Normally, I'd just cart him around, but he hadn't been napping during the day for the past few days. Here was plan E: Let Matthew sleep, run ONE errand with both kids, pick up Peter, etc.

Then Matthew slept a long time. Then Ellie had a tantrum because she wanted to watch a Dora episode not recorded on my parents' TV. So here's what happened: We didn't run errands, I didn't make kalbi jjim, my mom didn't watch the kids, we didn't watch Dora play soccer, and Ellie fell asleep at 6 on the way home. Then puked.

Ridiculous to have up to Plan E, then not even go through with it. Just goes to show that it's not practical to make detailed plans with two babies. Sheesh.

Here's a picture of the 4 of us, finally. I think we have pictures of every combination of the 4 of us except actually the 4 of us. Matthew's STILL jaundiced and looks slightly glowing in this shot.

So I Wish I Could Dance and Yucky Galveston

WHO'S EXCITED?!!? I'm talking about So You Think You Can Dance, of course. Is anyone watching this besides me? Hawk was robbed, I think. So what if he only had a student visa? Could the dance lessons not count as school? He was in the same dance group as Ryan from last year. And what accent did he have? The Asian thing throws you off, but it's either British or Australian, I'm pretty sure.

Anyone else notice that there's only, like, two pretty girls? Guess they actually were looking for talent. I'm going for the goofy looking swing dancer, but I think the blond guy with the mohawk is going to do really well. The goofy swing dancer went on an extended mission trip a couple of years ago and came back to find his girlfriend (who said she'd wait for him) was marrying another guy. And he wasn't bitter! Come on now, what a show, showcasing wonderful people like that dancing!

I'm so excited I'm giddy.

We went to Moody Gardens today to use our season passes before they expired. Can I just say Galveston is pretty much really yicky? Aside from all the fake stuff at Moody Gardens, I don't like going to Galveston at all. The mosquitoes are pumped on steroids or something. They're as fat as flies. They were in the 2nd floor hallway of the hotel where we stayed. And the elevator.

And a bird pooped on me for the first time in my life! Have you seen that commercial for Windex where the birds are tricking other birds into flying into windows? I swear it's true that they know exactly what they're doing. I was the ONLY person sitting in this large COVERED area. What are the chances, really? Sick. I blame the grossness of Galveston.

Galveston prompts two emotions in me - disgust and sadness. Disgust at the mere disgustingness of it. Sadness because there are people playing on the beach right by the highway that think that it's really a beach. Yucky smelly water, 5 feet of hard packed sand, then highway. Sad.

At least Ellie had fun at the fake beach. They shipped in tons of sand from Florida and put it around a swimming pool, essentially. It's the only beach in Galveston I'd go to...

Ellieisms

First of all, did anyone else watch the Spelling Bee last week? I only started watching it at the final 3. I would've watched it all if I'd known about it. I seriously was about to throw up, I was so nervous for these girls. Ursprache.

Just thought I'd write some of the funny things Ellie's doing these days. Despite her tantrums and ordering me around, she's still mostly enjoyable.

She was playing phone the other day and answered it, "Hello? Whuddup!"

We were listening to her Sesame Street CD and the song Fuzzy and Blue (sung by Grover, Herry, and Cookie Monster) came on. She declared she was fuzzy and pink.

She was licking this gum Peter keeps in his desk, so I decided I'd let her try. I gave her half a piece and told her to keep it in her mouth and not swallow it. She chewed it a few times and I asked, "Is it still there?" She opened her mouth to show me. Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Showed me. Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Showed me. Chewed. "Don't swallow it." "I swallow it. Lemme try again." Another half piece. Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Chewed. "Don't swallow it." "I swallow it. Let me try again." Another half piece. Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Chewed. "Don't swallow it." Chewed. "Don't swallow it." "I swallow it." "No more gum for you."

She knows how to mambo, from watching Dora. "March in place, march in place, march in place. Wiggle your hips, wiggle your hips, wiggle your hips. Circle your hands, circle your hands, circle your hands." She's actually pretty good. Gets it from me.

Peter started telling her stories at bedtime that consist of "Once upon a time there was a girl named Ellie..." then continue with stuff she did that day. Ellie now tells me stories, "Wunnapunna tie... there was Mommy... and ice cream... and EVERYBODY share. The end."

When Gina and Sammy took my kids to house church and they started prayer time, Ellie said in a loud voice, "Dear God..." and at the end of the prayer she said, "The end."

At my follow up visit to the OB, she watched attentively as they took my weight and blood pressure. As we walked to the exam room she asked, "No pee pee in a cup?"

"Ellie" is spelled ELYC. "Mommy" is spelled ELYC. However, "too hard spell Daddy."

I need a hobby.

We left both children for the first time yesterday. Poor Gina. It's not easy getting a sitter for one kid, but for two... there are only a few people in our lives that we can sucker into it. Like I told her and Sammy, baby-sitting is the best birth control.

Anyway, we went and saw an Agatha Christie play, Witness for the Prosecution. REALLY good. They have Sunday matinee shows that are captioned, and Peter got tickets for free. Can't ask for more. After the show, I was all inspired. Not to act or anything, but to be involved with local theater - like doing PR type stuff. Then I realized I have no experience or expertise in it at all, so it probably wouldn't work out. Then I remembered that I have two children, one whom I breastfeed every 3 hours. Another reason it wouldn't work out.

If anyone plowed through my previous entry, you'll know that I'm all intrigued by adoption now. I want to be an adoption advocate, but I don't necessarily want to adopt. Really, the main reason is because at this point, I cannot even fathom having an additional child in our family. Like, ever. Who knows? That may change once I get past Matthew's terrible twos, but at this point, just plain no. Could I even be an advocate for adoption if I was neither an adoptee or an adopter? I think it would lessen the impact I could make. It'd be like a non-Christian evangelizing. OK, maybe that's a step too far.

I think I'm just itching to have some sort of life outside of my kids again. I want something to do. Not just making birth announcements at home in between naps, tantrums, and feedings. I feel like I want to get out of the house and just... DO SOMETHING. It doesn't even have to be something impactful or important. Go to Bally's regularly again (this not-going-away 15 pounds is really starting to bug me). I read Dave Hong's blog about his salsa dancing, and that inspired me too. Julie and I actually took a hip hop dance class 5 years ago with all these very white white teenage girls. I sucked, but it was fun. Why oh why can't people in Houston still swing (dance, that is)? I was good at that.

I looked into Mommy and Me ballet classes. They don't exist, in Houston at least. So I thought to myself, I'll start one! Then I remembered again, I have neither experience nor expertise. Boo. That would've been fun.

I guess the most realistic option at this time is Bally's. :( Sad. Not my first choice. Definitely the one most in need of immediate attention. All my low-rise bottoms no longer fit on my extra large hips, so they hoist up to my waist, making me look like an ajuma. Which I technically am, seeing as I have two children. Plural.

I have my 6 week follow up exam tomorrow. We'll see what the doctor says about working out again. Maybe she'll say I can't do it. Cross your fingers.

Adoption

I've been watching A Baby Story lately since it's on during the kids' naptime (it still freaks me out when I write that word, kids, as in plural). In case you don't know, it's a show on TLC where they follow a couple for a couple of weeks before and after they have a baby and record the emotions, complications, etc. of birth. This week they were following couples who adopted. I saw 4 episodes - two were adopted from Korea, one from China, and one from Kazakhstan.

So I understand the plethora of orphans from China and Kazakhstan, but Korea? Growing up, most adopted kids I knew were from Korea. I never questioned it. I always assumed that Asian kids on TV with white last names were Korean, just because. It makes sense that immediately following the Korean war there would be a lot of orphans, but why in the 70s and 80s? Hmm. I decided to look into it.

Strangely enough, I yahoo searched "History of Adoption from Korea" and got an exact match. Here's the deal. After the Korean war, some random farmer from Oregon went to Korea and came back with 8 "Amerasian" children. He got some publicity for it and increased awareness of the need, then started an adoption agency. Pearl S. Buck somehow got involved and created her own agency that adopted exclusively from Korea (one of the episodes of A Baby Story went through the Pearl Buck agency). So pretty much it was the first well-established movement for international adoption in America.

A couple of years ago, some friends started looking into adopting from Korea. It's a really complicated and difficult process, often taking 3 years to go through. It's crazy - they want your age, income, even body mass index to be in a specific range in order to adopt. That was weird to me, especially since I knew so many adopted Koreans. According to the article I read, though, it said that a bunch of adopted Koreans returned to Korea for the '88 Olympics. Then there was all this publicity about Korea's biggest export being babies, which (of course) shamed the country into restricting adoption overseas. They're limiting the number more and more each year and hope to eliminate it completely by 2015. Except in 1998, when IMF hit hard, they temporarily halted the restrictions due to the impoverishment of so many families, who apparently had to give up their babies. Sad!

Anyway, that was just some interesting info I read. It makes sense. And I guess one reason people choose to continue to adopt from Korea is that these agencies have been around the longest and are well-reputed, even though there are probably kids in a whole lot more countries in need of being adopted.

Are you still reading this? So anyway, I thought it was funny how the Koreans would hand over the babies. Like, the caregivers were obviously very attached to the babies, but they'd awkardly smile and literally just hand them over to the adoptive parents. The parents, on the other hand, are all prepared to be super sensitive to the babies' needs and stuff. They all seemed kinda shocked when they got the babies.

In one case, the baby actually came to America with a caregiver (along with 5 other adoptees, which I thought was interesting - get them all over at the same time) instead of the parents coming to Korea to pick them up. The lady had the baby in a Korean Bjorn. She waved at the new parents, told the baby "umma, appa, oppa" (mom, dad, brother), shook the baby's hand (she was, like, 5 months old), waved again and left all teary-eyed. The parents were like, uh... okay. The show shows an update a few weeks later, and the baby was doing great. She was smiling a lot and having a good old time, so that was sweet. They decided to keep her Korean name as her middle name, which is sort of nice. This was the Pearl Buck one. A few weeks previous to getting their baby, the parents had met with a bunch of other adoptive parents and kids at the agency where they had a little Korean party. One woman humbly made bulgogi, and a few dressed their kids in hanboks. A fobby Korean teenager was there to teach them about dol, the first birthday. It was sweet.

I know I've been a little emotional since Matthew was born (making up for my complete stoicism during my pregnancy), but I've cried during each of these episodes. I actually DVR-ed today's since I was out. I don't normally cry during these shows (except for one episode where this woman had a boy, then a girl, then a miscarriage, then her baby died at 25 weeks for no particular reason, then she lost another baby due to infection from an amniocentesis and actually had to give birth to it at 30 weeks or something, then she got pregnant with twins, then she lost one twin, then actually had the other), but these adoptive stories made me bawl.

My hat goes off to those adoptive parents out there. What a grueling process it is. It almost doesn't seem fair that every idiot can have their own baby, but deserving unselfish people have to put so much effort and wait so long to adopt a baby that really really needs parents. And they really do love them so much. Come to think of it, all but one of the families on the show already had biological kids of their own, and they really seemed to treat the adopted kid the same as their own. I don't know if I could do that, honestly. I had a student who was adopted, along with his younger sister. His parents had biological children as well, the oldest and youngest of the 4. The mom TOTALLY treated them differently. It was rather sad.

I don't have a conclusion to this entry. I'm not saying I'm ready to adopt. I'm not saying I'd never do it. I feel enlightened, though, and I have a lot of respect for adoptive parents now.