Punish my child

Christen's over right now. Fay had to tutor this morning and didn't want to bring Christen along, and I knew Ellie would like to play. They're best friends. That is, they always want to be together and end up bickering the whole time. Everytime they get together, Fay and I prepare them ahead of time with "No fighting, no yelling, no grabbing, no pushing, no pinching."

Anyway, as I've written in the past, I was getting all depressed because Ellie was being such a bully and getting time out for pinching and stuff. Today has been somewhat of a revelation. Christen has been bossing her around ALL MORNING, telling her she can't do whatever it is she happens to be doing. My conclusion is that her aggressive behavior is usually a result of being provoked. Like, she knows clearly what she's allowed to do and not do, so it's frustrating when her friend tells her she's not allowed to sit in a certain chair or play with certain toys in her own house.

Not that it's OK to pinch, mind you. She gets time out for pinching, even if the argument was not initiated by her. Also, I'm not blind to her faults. I know she's aggressive and pinches when NOT provoked at times. We had a playdate at this gymnastics place. This girl was sitting on this piece of equipment that Ellie wanted, so she just went over and pinched her. Immediately I'm reprimanding her and putting her in time out. The girl's mom (8 months pregnant) comes over and starts yelling at her daughter. I assure her that her daughter had nothing to do with it and apologized profusely. The woman responds, "Oh, that's all right. Maybe not this time, but I'm sure she'll do something to deserve it sooner or later." I thought that was great.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is playing with other kids whose parents have different discipline styles. Some of our friends want you to discipline their child if they misbehave. Others are very sensitive to their kids' faults and get all offended if you even reprimand them. It's essential to know what your friends expect from you when you're with their kid... and then do even less. You know what I mean? Like Fay and I have a clear understanding that we'll reprimand each others' kids, but I don't think either of us would put the other's kid in time out. I'd want her to, though. We try to be consistent with the disciplining, so it sucks if Ellie gets away with stuff when we're not there.

For future reference, if you ever watch Ellie and/or Matthew, time out is given immediately for any aggressive behavior, defiance, or temper tantrums. Feel free to punish my children anytime you see this happen. Thanks for your cooperation. :)