Unsolicited, unappreciated, undesirable

If anyone has read anything I've written so far, you'll know I am very easily annoyed. One thing that has been REALLY annoying me lately is unsolicited advice. It gets really bad when you're pregnant, then even worse when you actually have the baby.

We had no electricity this morning and my boobs were numbingly painful due to my milk coming in with a vengeance this morning. So Peter had to drop me off at Jenn's to use her electricity to use my breast pump to relieve some of the pressure in my pecs. We were discussing this whole pet peeve of unwanted advice, being in similar situations. This is what we decided.

Unsolicited advice from neutral parties/strangers? Slightly OK. Inconsequential, so you can take it or leave it without taking anything personally.

Unsolicited advice from acquaintances? Can go either way. Depending on the person and the relationship you have with them, you can take it into consideration, ignore it, or get annoyed. In most cases, they're just trying to be helpful. But really, who are they to tell me what to do or suggest that they know better? I, being easily annoyable, most usually just get annoyed.

Unsolicited advice from family members/in-laws? The worst. For some reason, they can say the EXACT same thing that a friend said, but when they say it, it makes you angry. You even feel rebellious. Why is that? Why is it that when you get unwanted advice from these kind of people, you want to do the opposite? Is it just to hack them off and somehow get a weak dose of revenge?

Peter and his mom got in an argument today when my dad came over to see the baby. She was telling my dad that the baby will catch a cold because we don't dress him warmly enough. This, although widely believed by most old wives, has been disproven by actual scientists in actual labs. Peter and his mother have had this same argument repeatedly, one of those times also in front of my dad. Peter gets annoyed when she dispels "medical advice" that goes against what he knows to be true, but I think that these old wives' tales are inpenetrable. Doesn't matter how much science contradicts, people will always believe them. On the same note, when my mom came by earlier, she yelled at me for not wearing socks. I am now doomed to have arthritis when I am an old wife myself.

I love how most Korean old wives' tales are full of doom and gloom. Being more Americanized, I hardly know any. For those of you in the same boat, let me share a couple I learned from Alice. Sleep with the fan on, you will die. Drink soda after eating crabs, you will die. I can't remember the others, but they all foretell imminent death.

Anyway, don't give me advice unless I ask you for it. That's the conclusion of this long drawn entry.

WHOOPS!

So in case you haven't heard, I had another baby. Oops. I woke up early and was having contractions on Tuesday, so in we went. I spent the morning bawling over my lack of preparedness and separation anxiety with Ellie, stressing over what to bring to the hospital, calling friends to make sure I was REALLY have contractions, and just sitting around in shock. Peter spent the morning getting Ellie fed, then surfing the internet. Not really for anything pregnancy/labor related, but just for fun. Interesting how the different genders react.

Anyway, I always used to brag that I had never experienced a contraction, nor ever expected to. I have now. I could've gone the rest of my life without. Not fun. Fortunately they only lasted a few hours since my OB was able to schedule my C-section in during her lunch break.

So now we're home. Having two kids is a lot harder than having just one. And even though you've been through it before, it doesn't make having the second baby uneventful. Here are some things that amazed me or I found especially striking during this whole process. (Warning - some are shamelessly graphic.)

• Wearing grown up diapers and mesh panties is not as humiliating the second time around.
• Peeing after having a catheter removed is the MOST refreshing feeling in the world. Ahh.
• Uncircumcised penises are very strange looking. On the same note, newborn scrotums are really freaky looking.
• Chewing a chocolate chip cookie really thoroughly before swallowing is not the same as adhering to a liquid diet.
• Two year olds can comprehend "gentle touch" only to a certain extent.
• Blisters on your nipples are not fun.
• I had lost 15 pounds after day two. On day three when my milk came in, I gained 3 back.
• By my fifth month of pregnancy, my stomach was out further than my boobs. By my 4th post partum day, my boobs are further out than my stomach.
• You really can love your second child as much as the first. It's different, but it's there.
• Sleeping by yourself upstairs in a big girl bed is NOT as fun as sleeping downstairs in the same bed as mommy and daddy.
• Helpful mothers-in-law are still mothers-in-law.

Baby #2 is awake and ready to eat. Duty calls!

My last appointment!

I so don't know what I'm doing with this blog. Is there a way to post video clips? And I had a previous entry that isn't there anymore. What happened? Whatever.

I had my last OB appointment today. So weird - after my doctor checked to see if I was dilated, she goes, "See you at the birth!" Whoa... Weird. It may have even been the last one of my LIFE. I think I'm okay with just two kids. One of each, very convenient. I wouldn't mind having another girl, just so I get my investment's worth from Ellie's clothes. I guess if we had a third, I wouldn't really need to get ANY clothes at all either way. Surprisingly, Peter said he'd be okay if we stopped at two, too. We'll see. I'm really not good at being pregnant, and if this time around I gained twelve pounds more than last, I'm not willing to gain, like, 45 pounds next time. Crazy.

So I'm not dilated at all. It's nice having a scheduled C-section. I don't have to try to jumpstart my labor by drinking weird teas or eating spicy foods or walking around or anything. I was worried I'd go into early labor, but that doesn't seem like it's going to happen either. Everything is nice and planned. Hopefully nothing crazy will happen in the next 9 days. Peter suggested I ask for the surgery to be this week since I've been complaining about how uncomfortable I am, but I'm not emotionally prepared to have this baby day after tomorrow! Besides, I have a lunch date on Wednesday. :)

I don't think at this point we are actually ready for bubber to make his entrance into our lives. The biggest issue is that Ellie is STILL in our room. We bought rails for her big girl bed upstairs, but Peter has been delaying putting them up (which is unlike him, for anyone who knows how busybody-ish he is). If you ask me, he wants her to stay with us. Actually, if you ask HIM, he'll say he likes the whole money-saving aspect of all of us being in one room what with our seperate thermostat in the master and all (it does really save about $100 a month). He even considered putting Ellie's bed in our closet. I dunno what we're going to do. Everyone keeps teasing us that we'll have all four of us together. It may just happen.

The second biggest issue is that I really am not emotionally prepared. Not sleeping, exorbitant amounts of breastmilk, constant peeing, pooing, and feeding... I saw in a magazine that Catherine Zeta-Jones likes this product called the pee pee teepee. It's this washable cotton cone thing that you use when you change the baby's diaper to prevent him from peeing in your face. I can't even imagine how it works. Do you just put it over his wee wee? And is that a problem for the entire time he wears diapers? What if his circumcision gets all messed up? How often do I clean it? Do I have to TOUCH it? Weird...

So anyway, I have about a week left. I have to be at the hospital next Wednesday at 8 am. Then I will have two children. Two babies. Sleeping in my room with me. Forever.

Lifelong friends

I love watching Ellie play with her friends. Of course, she has her favorites that she always wants to play with. Then there are others that she's happy to see, but doesn't really ask about. But it's hilarious when they interact with each other, especially now that they're all kinda talking and stuff. It cracks me up when they understand each other. It's funny when they copy each other and learn things from each other. So cute. So sweet.

I wonder where we'll be in 20 years. Part of me hopes not Houston, but I don't know where I'd go otherwise. I wonder who Ellie will still be friends with 20 years from now. There are very few people I still contact that I knew since babyhood, but I really cherish those friendships. Like my friend Gina from San Jose that I've known since I was 2, I think - I don't really keep in touch with her, but when I see her, it's like no time has gone by. Her mom is like my 2nd mother, and we often stay with them if we're in San Jose. And my friend Irene that I've known since I was 4 - she was even one of my bridesmaids. Although we're not always in touch, it's always really comfortable when we see each other. So nice.

Houston has a way of trapping you in. I think it's feasible that many of Ellie's friends will still be here years and years from now. And we always joke about how if she marries any of them, we'll have some really good fodder for their wedding. Especially if she marries Ryan. Here are a few examples:
I'm sure it's rather unlikely that they'll end up getting married. Maybe for their senior send-off banquet, we'll show these. Funny stuff.

Influencing lives

There's a deacon on the Korean congregation side of our church who has very advanced cancer. It was a huge shock to everyone. This man is the most vivacious, friendly, lively character. He was diagnosed about 2 months ago with kidney cancer, then found out it had spread to his lungs, brain, and more recently, his liver. It's beyond surgical repair, and chemo was having some adverse effects so they stopped it. Now he's at MD Anderson with just bags and bags of things attached to him, including an oxygen mask that he's supposed to wear constantly.

We went to visit him on Monday. He was completely changed. Just cranky, didn't want to wear the oxygen mask, somewhat incoherent, totally frail looking, and in a bad mood in general. He didn't want us to pray for him, and we kept having to leave the room for various reasons. We spoke to his wife for a little bit at the end of our visit. She was saying how her husband is still hoping he'll pull through. He was actually expected to pass away last Friday. They even had Pastor Eric come to do last rite-ish prayers, but he made it. I think that gave them hope that a miracle could still occur, especially since ALL the doctors were saying he wouldn't make it to morning.

I don't know how to pray for him. Seeing him, you almost wish that he could be put out of his suffering. Knowing him, there's no doubt that he'd be going to heaven. But being in his situation? I don't know how I'd feel either. I could say right now that I'd want to be put out my misery, but I can see myself clinging to life, for one more day with my family.

Ironically, he doesn't want visitors. This man has spent the majority of his life investing in others. He was head deacon this year, is a youth shepherd, has taught Sunday school (including my 11th grade year), comes to New Life functions, and is well known and loved by everyone. So many people feel close to him that they've had a steady stream of guests. Unfortunately, they're being turned away as he just is too uncomfortable to see them. It must be somewhat embarrassing to be seen in such a state. It's degrading to have so many people monitoring your every bodily function and needing help to sit up, pee, eat...

I wonder if I got that sick, how many people would come to visit me? How many lives have I invested so much into that they'd feel compelled to see me? At this point, I don't think it's enough. My world has gotten smaller and smaller lately. Mr. Paick's illness has really made me think about how I'm spending my life. He's reminded me of what we're here for, what God calls us to do with our lives. And I know I'm not obeying.

Please pray for peace in his family. I think that's how I've decided to pray. It's obviously all in God's hands, so we can't do much else. I pray also that his life of love, family, and ministry will be an inspiration to others like me who aren't using their resources the way they should.

My little manipulator

I just found out I can set this so that non-members can post comments. Please post comments so I don't feel like I'm pouring my heart out into nothingness...

Unfortunately, Ellie has decided to start sleeping in our bed again. At least, she wants to fall asleep in our bed. It started last Monday when she finally let Peter put her to bed (which really just involved singing a song and placing her in her crib) instead of me. But he got all excited and let her cuddle with him in our bed instead. Then she woke up a little later and cried, which I normally ignore. He went in to comfort her and lay next to her until she fell asleep again. Then half an hour later, I hear her turning on the lamp on the nightstand, getting ready to read. He goes in AGAIN and stays with her until she falls asleep, then puts her in the crib. 20 minutes later, she's screaming, "DADDY!" At this point, I thought something was wrong, so I went in. She looks at me calmly and says, "I no want sleep in Ellie's bed. I sleep in Mommy's bed." At this point it's nearly midnight, so I just let her sleep in our bed. OK, I accept partial blame.

Since then, she only wants to sleep in our bed. And she's figured out that if she says she wants to cuddle with Daddy at bedtime, he'll give in. She also knows that Daddy will give her pretty much any snack she wants, so she works it. Right now she's screaming because we put her in the crib again. Wish us luck with the transition to the big girl bed. In her own room, nonetheless.

Somehow she indirectly convinced Peter to get her that playground. It was so hot today that we filled up her wading pool so she could play while Peter worked (since, yes, he has given up on the drill bit). Here she is in her "simming poo" with the playground in the background. At least she's grateful. She said "Thank you for my simming poo, Daddy" on her on today, then thanked him for the swing as well. It kind of makes up for a little bit of the manipulating.

Childlike faith

Can I just say that it is stinkin' hot? We had our children's ministry Easter Festival today. Outside. For 3 hours. Really hot. Ellie and I got a few shades darker despite slathering on sunscreen. Peter got darker too, from playing in his flag football tournament all day. But that's a different story.

Sometimes I think it's funny what we try to do with our kids. I took Ellie to the Children's Museum when she was 9 months old or something, as though she would understand anything. Peter wanted us to go to Disneyland when she was 6 months old. That was money well spent. And sometimes I think it's funny that we try to do stuff with our kids at church or house church.

Our house church in particular is kinda difficult. We have Ellie, who just turned two but wants to participate. Then we have Alex, who's six and a half and knows everything. Christen's almost 3, and Abby just turned 4, so it's hard getting crafts that are feasible for Ellie and Christen to do and don't warrant rolled eyes from Alex.

So a couple of weeks ago, we shared prayer requests for the first time when I was doing childcare at house church. Really cute. Alex wanted to pray that he'd do well at his soccer games on Saturday and Sunday. Abby prayed that her baby sister would stop crying and that she'd get more chances to watch her Calm Baby video. Pastor Jaemo was visiting, so his older daughter Abby wanted to pray that her baby sister would come out soon and that Grace Eemo would get better (after having had her baby a few weeks previous). I asked Christen if she had a prayer request, and she confidently answered, "YES." What was it? "Soccer." No specifics. Then I told Ellie her prayer request was that she and Christen not fight.

Then we went around and prayed. The big kids each prayed for their requests. I made Ellie and Christen repeat after me. Ellie said, "Please help me with no more fighting with Christen." Christen said, "Please help Alex with his soccer." Then I said, "Alex, wasn't that nice? Christen wanted to pray for your soccer." To which Abby (Pastor Jaemo's daughter) replied, "She didn't exactly say Alex's soccer. She just said soccer." This was true. Still sweet, though. I'm fairly certain Christen doesn't know what soccer is anyway.

Today at the Easter festival, they were doing praise and worship time with the 3-4 year olds. Bobby Bang gave a little message. He stated that we were all sinners and asked, "How many of you have lied before?" Josephine goes, "Ooh ooh!" and raises her hand enthusiastically. She was the only one. Then he asked, "How many of you have ever stolen?" They all go, "Oooh..." and no one raised their hands. Apparently, none of them had ever said anything bad about their brothers or sisters either. So Bobby concludes with, "Well, we're all sinners." So there. Then he prayed and asked them to repeat after him. Only Josephine did it. At least she'll be saved.

We're supposed to do a Bible lesson in Ellie's Sunday school class (of 1 and 2 year olds). I tried one week. Only 2 of the 6 really talk, and they were leaving the table at the rate of one per every ten seconds. Finally, I just told each of them, "Hey - Jesus loves you, OK?" To which most replied either, "OK," or "Yeah." Ellie kept saying, "Jesus loves you!" all week long, so at least something stuck with someone.

Off the topic of teaching kids about faith, I had a funny conversation with Ellie the other day. I was singing her a song called Snuggle Puppy. She goes, "No sing Snuggle Puppy Mommy." I said, "Why not? Mommy likes Snuggle Puppy." She replied, "I no like it." I asked her then, "What do you like?" She answered, "Um... I like monkeys and big girl bed." End of conversation.

Nice, simple, fast

Here's one of those get to know me surveys. Seems simple enough and not so time-consuming...

How well do you know me?? For instance, did you know...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. sales associate at Limited Too
2. sales associate at Gap and Gap Kids
3. substitute teacher at daycare (infants to 5th grade)
4. preschool teacher at Kumon

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Bring It On
2. Sound of Music
3. Dirty Dancing
4. Jana Alayra Live in Concert (not by choice)

Four places I have lived:
1. San Jose, CA
2. Houston, TX
3. Austin, TX
4. Houston, TX

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Lost
2. America's Next Top Model
3. Dancing with the Stars
4. Boston Legal

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. London/Paris
2. Cancun
3. Maui
4. Korea

Four Websites I visit often:
1. hotmail
2. websudoku.com
3. sesameworkshop.org
4. nickjr.com

Four of my favorite foods:
1. chocolate
2. most kinds of pastries
3. Mexican food (these days)
4. chocolate pastries

Four places I would rather be right now (or states of being I would rather be):
1. in bed
2. not pregnant
3. not hot
4. not 30 pounds heavier

The cursed drill bit

So we got a playground at Costco for our backyard. Peter figured I'm going to have to be home more once the baby comes, so it'll keep Ellie somewhat entertained. Unfortunately, he had to bring it home and assemble it himself. It's supposed to take about 20 hours, but he actually got a lot done the first few days. He was drilling and screwing things in till the wee hours so Ellie could have her playground (try explaining to a two year old that she has to wait 20 hours for it to be done).

So around the 4th day or so, Peter was finishing up this one part and dropped the drill. It bounced off one of the wooden steps, and the top part of the drill bit broke off. Here is the sequence of the following events:

1. Peter searches the lawn in the middle of the night (about 1 1/2 hours).
2. Peter searches the lawn in the daylight (about 2 1/2 hours).
3. Peter decides he needs a metal detector and buys one at Walmart after unsuccessfully finding one amongst our friends (about 45 minutes).
4. Peter searches the lawn in daylight with the metal detector and the help of 2 friends (about 45 minutes).
5. Peter searches the lawn in the middle of the night with the metal detector (about 2 hours).
6. Peter searches the lawn in the daylight with the metal detector (about 2 hours).
7. Peter buys some really strong magnets (about 30 minutes).
8. Peter searches the lawn in the middle of the night with magnets (about 1 hour).

This all took place over the weekend. I think at some point he was out there with both metal detector and magnets. He is completely obsessed, so of course, there has been no progress on the playground. And his thoughts are consumed with finding this drill bit, nobly concerned that Ellie will one day step on it with bare feet and require a tetanus shot.

Anyway, this has taken up most of his free time and our conversation topics. He is still convinced that it's out there (which I guess must be true, because where else would it be?), but he's slowly approaching surrender to the drill bit.

I admire his spirit of commitment and resolution. I so would've given up after an hour or so. Actually, I did give up. Talk about unsupportive wife. But this character trait is one of the things I respect most about him. Even more so because I'm so inclined to give in, give up. This difference in our characters has actually been an issue of conflict for us in the past, but I'd like to think that our extreme differences balance each other out. At this point, I'm just praying that God will miraculously allow the drill bit to become un-embedded in the lawn, for Peter's sanity's sake.

Pre-partum depression

So Jenn FINALLY had the baby yesterday after nearly 8 days of early labor. What the heck. We're going to go visit her today. She must be so relieved to not be pregnant anymore. The baby is an added bonus. :)

So I go through this depression with my pregnancies, but it seems to happen beforehand, which I don't think is medically sound. Whatever. With Ellie, it was this overwhelming sense of "Oh my gosh, our life as we know it is OVER." I didn't want to have people over, I didn't want Peter to go out at all. I was frantic that we'd never spend time together again.

This time around, it's "Oh my gosh, this baby is invading our comfy little family." Kinda sucks that this pregnancy wasn't planned to happen when it did. I feel guilty towards the baby, SLIGHTLY resentful, and sad that Ellie and I won't be able to hang out like we do now. Isn't that terrible? Is it really though? Surely there are other moms who feel this way, too. And is it totally being obsessive about my first child that I don't want the second one to invade my relationship with her? I'm trying to prepare her. I've already told her that Mommy's going to be in the hospital for a few days and won't be able to hold her afterwards. She just keeps reassuring me that I'm OK and makes me hold her. We'll see how it goes.

Anyway, these are the things that are plaguing my mind these days as my due date is quickly approaching.

My first comment!

Hooray! Thanks for posting a comment, Matt. You're the only one that has my blog site anyway, so I was just waiting for you. Actually, I just told Chris and Harold. You know, I'm not that into reading other people's blogs, so why should they read mine? I guess once you start kind of a network thing with people you actually are interested in, you get more into it. I dunno.

So Jenn has been in early labor for an entire week now. I feel so bad for her. I've never heard of anything like it, and to tell the truth, it's freaking ME out. I actually told my doctor last Monday that I suspected I was in early labor. I apparently don't have any symptoms, so she asked me why I suspected it. My answer? Because my friends are. I didn't realize how lame that was until I said it. Hopefully "baby bubber" will come when he's scheduled to as my parents are going to Korea next week and won't be back for a couple of weeks.

Can I just complain about some pregnancy symptoms? When I lie on my back, it feels like my organs are being squashed. Also, my legs feel like they're coming out of their joints. Then I get these butt cramps that I can do nothing about, my stomach capacity is smaller, but 30 minutes after eating I'm starving again, I have 2 comfortable things to wear, and my bellybutton is just super funky looking now. I really don't remember these things happening during my first pregnancy... I'm very ready to not be pregnant anymore.

What am I doing wrong?

So Ellie has become this violent bully... but only to a small exclusive group. Namely, Christen, who is SUPPOSEDLY one of her best friends. Poor Christen just sits and takes it, which just makes it even sadder. Her mother has taught her to take Ellie's hand and say gently, "No no, Ellie." We'll see how long that works.

The whole nature vs. nurture debate is so intriguing to me. How much control do we actually have over our children? I remember when her personality was first developing. I kept thinking, she came OUT of me. I should be able to control her every move and thought. But alas, tisn't true. We don't spank her, none of her friends hit, and no one has really ever hit her. Where did she learn it? Is aggression an intuitive thing?

Anyway, Peter and I were discussing who Ellie was more like, personality-wise. He said him because she is social and adventurous. I said me because in actuality, she is kind of a weenie and needs her time alone every day. Then I wonder if she follows my pet peeves and inclinations because she's with me all day, or if her personality actually is like mine. Actually, her personality was more like Peter's earlier on, when she was sweeter and kinder. Sad that as her behavior gets worse it resembles mine more. :P

Hmm... let's see how this goes.

This is my first blog ever. I don't know if I'll be able to follow through with this, especially since I am sitting here ridiculously at 2 am, 35 weeks pregnant. I've never been much of a journaler, but I can type a lot faster than I can write. So we'll see.