Teeny Tiny Wee Wee

Yep. Definitely pregnant.

I had my first appointment with the OB today. She greeted me with, "Back already?" Well, yes. That does seem to be the case. Based on my last period, I am 10 weeks and 6 days along. Because my cycle had been somewhat irregular before I got pregnant, my doctor thought we'd do an ultrasound to make sure I'm not "further along than we think." WHAT?!!?

Due to some computer error, I ended up having to come back an hour later to get the ultrasound, which was fine because Peter was able to come as well. Ellie was SUPER excited to see the baby on the TV. Matthew was SUPER excited to play with the blinds in the waiting area.

When the tech started, she said I was about 11 weeks and 4 days, which I guess is pretty darn close to what I thought initially anyway. It definitely made it more real - looking at the screen at the tadpole looking thing that was actually moving around quite a bit (great - another active kid). Now it isn't just tiredness and heartburn. There's really a baby living inside of me!!! Crazy. I feel more... maternal towards it now, though.

I joked, "I guess it's too early to see what it is, huh?" She agreed, so I asked whether the baby had genitalia yet anyway. She said they "descend" at 7 weeks, then started looking around. About 5 seconds later, she goes, "There's definitely something between the legs!" I respond, "Could it be... umbilical cord?" She says, very resolutely, "No." At this point, Peter gets really excited and yells out, "It's a boy!" To which Ellie replies, "No. I want a girl." I ask the tech, "What percentage can you give me on this?" She says, "Pretty much a hundred."

Okay, I don't think they're supposed to give a 100% guarantee on the gender, especially this early! What the heck - I'm only about 11 weeks! Most people don't find out until 20 weeks! I guess the thing is that at this early stage, something between the legs can't really be anything else. Then she proceeded to give me multiple angles of the "thing" to further confirm. I don't even get, like a piddly 5% chance she could be wrong? Grr...

So going back to the story, Ellie is growing increasingly more agitated as Peter explains she's having another baby brother. Some of her arguments include: "But I already HAVE a brother." "But I really want a sister." "I don't like any boy names." "NO. I want a baby sister." All I can say is, "I know, baby. Mommy wanted a baby girl, too." She looks at me devastatingly and starts a slow low wail, which quickly escalates to heaving sobs. It was heartbreaking! Then Matthew, who'd been doing nothing this entire time except playing with the blinds, starts sobbing in response to Ellie. I almost started sobbing myself because she looked so mournful! The tech is trying to console her by saying she can name the baby anything she wants, but that just upsets her further.

It's been about 9 hours since we found out now. She's peacefully sleeping in her bed, somehow totally resolved with the idea of two baby brothers. We explained she'd be the only princess in the family now, that God knew she was such a good big sister to baby brothers (her response was, "But I'm only nice to my OTHER baby brother."), that she and Mommy would have to stick together as the only girls... I guess it worked because now she refers to my stomach as "he" and talked to him all day. I have to say, I'm still a little disappointed. Hopefully it'll be a nice mellow boy. If I could combine different characteristics of my two kids for this third:

• Mellow like Ellie (We could take her anywhere. Still can.)
• Social and friendly to everyone like Matthew
• A fast nurser like Matthew (7 minutes max, and he was DONE.)
• Sleeping through the night at 7 weeks like Ellie
• Easily trainable (sleeping-wise, at least) like Matthew
• Good at sharing, nurturing and kind like Ellie
• Smiley like both

What I'm preparing myself is more like this:

• Colic-y like Matthew (He had to be held anytime he was awake for 4 months.)
• Snobby and particular about who he likes like Ellie
• A snacker and grazer like Ellie (She'd nurse for an hour if I let her.)
• Waking up every 3 hours for many many months like Matthew (4, to be precise)
• Unable to fall asleep on his own like Ellie (for 2 years)
• Unwilling to share, stubborn and yell-y like Matthew
• Grumpy

Not to be a pessimist, but I feel like if I prepare myself for the worst, I can only be pleasantly surprised. What my biggest fear is is that my two boys will be like Peter and Paul as kids, especially regarding the stories of poo smeared on their naked bodies. OK, so they were both cheerful and friendly and stuff, but man - I look at Matthew sometimes with food smeared on his head or every toy in our house strewn about the room and I KNOW that he is Peter's son.

Anyway, whatever he's like, my life is going to be NUTS. Wish me luck!

Cravings

I took the kids to Hobby Lobby and Walmart today, then came home completely exhausted and feeling sick. Ugh. I can't wait until miraculous week 12. People ask me how this pregnancy compares to my previous ones (PLURAL), and they were all pretty much the same. I get increasingly tired with each one as the number of children to chase around daily increases as well. There was one significant difference in my 2nd pregnancy, and talking to Fay, she had the same experience when pregnant with Lukas. It's so gross and nasty that I won't mention it here, but I wonder if it's a boy thing. I'm going to ask my OB.

Anyway, I couldn't watch everyone eating, but I'd bought some Chicken McNuggets for myself. Peter ended up giving them to the kids, so I sent him out to get me some more. Since he'd be right by Kroger anyway, I also handed him a list of things to get for me:
Flamin' Hot Cheetos Puffs (not regular twisty ones)
Mauna Loa brand dry roasted macademia nuts
pears (for the kids)
Jello chocolate pudding cups
Non-organic pita chips

Gross! I'm just excited that the thought of these foods, even over an extended period of time, doesn't sicken me to my stomach.

Ellie had a BAD day today. She started it off whining, which is never a good sign. She just whined about everything, tried to boss me around, complained and was just plain defiant. I ended up turning around on our way to Peter's office and shutting her up in her room. She eventually ended up falling asleep on the floor, entwined in her bumper (she uses it like a body pillow). That girl! She rarely has days like that, and today was definitely not a day where I could be particularly patient with her.

THEN Matthew, who's had diarrhea since last Monday, diarrhea-ed on the kitchen floor. I was changing his diaper and saw his flaming diaper rash, poor baby. I let him walk around a little to air it out, and it seriously had been about 3 minutes. Then I was lying on the floor in my room when he started crying. I sent Ellie out to check on him, and she said, "He barfed." Knowing he actually didn't barf, I ran out to see him sitting mournfully in a puddle of runny poo. SO SAD! Broke my heart, it did. Then I stuck him in the bathtub, and all was well again. He's amazingly cheerful for someone who's had the runs about 5 times a day for over a week.

YES! My nuggets and other requests are here. Time to eat (and face the consequences later).

The clash of my brain and stomach

I was looking at that 50 foods thing again, and it made me feel sick. It'd be interesting to do it again with how I feel at this exact moment. Most of the things would be completely blank as I have no desire to eat anything. I don't crave anything (OK, I was craving salami and cream cheese sandwiches earlier this week - random). It's the strangest thing. I crave... not eating. Like, I REALLY would like to not have to eat. Unfortunately, I know I have to, and also my stomach starts burning if it's too empty.

So sometimes I think about certain foods, and part of me is thinking, "Yeah! That'd be good!" Then immediately after that thought, I cringe at the idea of eating it. So, is that my brain saying I want something and my stomach disagreeing, or vice-versa? I think it's more of a clash between my brain... and my brain. I dunno.

Those who know me know I don't do sick very well. Fortunately I have an immune system of steel. When everyone else in my family is sick, I very rarely get the bug. Thank goodness for that, since Peter tends to get EXTREMELY sick when he's sick at all (fever, shivering, the whole nine yards). UNfortunately, when I do get sick, on those rare occasions, I am the biggest baby ever. Uh... I've been feeling sick now for over a month straight, 24/7. NOT handling it well, to say the least. My poor family.

Every day is an adventure - will it be a good food day? A functional day? A completely exhausted and non-eating day? Who knows? Yesterday I did all this laundry in the morning and ate Chick Fil-A for lunch, scarfing down almost all my fries and all my nuggets. I was all excited that I seemed normal again. Then by the time I got home, I had NO strength and couldn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

Today I cooked dinner for the first time in awhile because Bobby came over to practice the JCS skit. I made chicken galbi, which completely grossed me out. I also made kimchee jun, which appealed to my brain but not my stomach. As usual, I made rice in the downstairs guest bathroom so I wouldn't have to smell it. Then after I served dinner, I had to leave the table because looking at the food made me feel horribly ill. Ironically, Peter had a stomach bug, so he was hardly able to eat (the one time I actually make Korean food, too), Matthew is currently on hunger strike, and Ellie wasn't even home. What a waste.

Right now, I really want a pickle. Specifically, the pickles they give you at Jason's Deli with your sandwich. Last time we ate there, the pickle was incredibly delicious. I actually sat and ate pickles and ice cream and felt like a total cliche. WHOOPS! Don't want that pickle anymore. Ew. Gross gross gross, pickles. See how I work? So annoying.

Does anyone care?

This is from my brother's page, who got it from Clara. This is a lot to read through, but kinda interesting to think about. Since I don't like food at all these days, I'll have to dig through my brain to get some of these answers.

1. Favorite Main Entree: Hmm... probably steak.

2. Favorite Salad: I usually like baby spinach salads, with strawberries, pecans, and poppyseed dressing. The Wanton Chicken Happiness at Sweet Tomatoes is also yummy.

3. Favorite Soup: Butternut squash bisque (with cream in it).

4. Favorite Appetizer: Tuna tartare at Peter's friend's wedding at the Boston Four Seasons. I stalked the waiter.

5. Favorite Dessert: Cappuccino cheesecake and fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

6. Favorite Fruit: Cuties when they're in season (they're horrible out of season). I can't eat ANY fruit right now b/c of reflux, so even thinking about it makes me feel ill.

7. Favorite Vegetable: Broccoli.

8. Favorite Sashimi: Toro at Sasabune, which apparently is too commercialized now.

9. Favorite Sushi Roll: I know it's lame, but Spicy Tuna. Sorry, sushi snobs.

10. Favorite Soda: Canada Dry Ginger Ale. Schwepp's is disgusting.

11. Favorite Non-Alcoholic Beverage: Hazelnut blended latte or Talking Rain Berry Flavored sparkling water.

12. Favorite Alcoholic Shot: Buttery nipple (girlie, I know).

13. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Frozen margarita during a Houston summer when out with the girls. Yum.

14. Favorite Cake: Jungle Cafe cappuccino mousse cake - we got it for Alice's 30th birthday. Talk about yum.

15. Favorite Pie: Banana cream.

16. Favorite Ice Cream: Haagen Daaz coffee.

17. Favorite Milkshake: Huh? Not a big fan...

18. Favorite Cut Of Beef: Hmm... what's the other side of the porterhouse at Taste of Texas? I like that one.

19. Favorite Cuisine: Ew. Again, thinking about most food makes me gag right now.

20. Favorite Part Of Chicken: Breast, but starting to like the dark meat, too.

21. Favorite Fried Food: In-N-Out fries.

22. Favorite Cookie: Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip.

23. Favorite Indian Curry: What?

24. Favorite Gum: Orbitz Spearmint - it really does make your mouth feel like you've just brushed! I'm chewing CONSTANTLY these days.

25. Favorite Candy: Ghiradelli Milk Chocolate Squares.

26. Favorite Crepe: Nutella and banana in Paris.

27. Favorite Sandwich: Turkey and avocado on white.

28. Favorite Pizza: The Fuzzy's Special, although I pick half of the toppings off.

29. Favorite Mexican Dish: Tamales (which actually sound really good right now).

30. Favorite Vietnamese Dish: Bo Luc Lac - I like the dipping sauce.

31. Favorite Korean Dish: I was into Dak Dori Tang until I got pregnant. Now I have complete aversion to anything Korean. Ugh.

32. Favorite Chinese Dish: Peking Beef at Kokiri Mandu. Probably not authentic, but SOOOO yummy.

33. Favorite Filipino Dish: I doubt I've ever had any Filipino food ever.

34. Favorite Southern Food: Crawfish etoufee, which I happened to have for dinner tonight.

35. Favorite Instant Noodles Brand: Kong Ramen, which they don't sell anymore. Too nastily unhealthy? Probably.

36. Favorite Juice: Grapefruit.

37. Favorite Snack Food: These days, Bold and Spicy Chex Mix. Settles my stomach.

38. Favorite Fish: I recently discovered Tilapia. It's the only fish I buy these days. So many options of preparing it.

39. Favorite Cereal: Cinnamon Life.

40. Favorite Pho: Small number 2.

41. Favorite Breakfast Food: Waffles and whipped cream with bacon on the side.

42. Favorite French Food: Pain au chocolate (aka chocolate croissant) that I ate everyday in Paris.

43. Favorite McDonald's Food: Chicken nuggets with Spicy Mustard sauce.

44. Favorite Pasta Dish: Usually just lasagna.

45. Favorite Bread: The French bread at Pappadeux, which is the reason I had dinner there tonight.

46. Favorite Tea: Doongooleh cha.

47. Favorite 7-11 Slurpee Flavor: Yuck.

48. Favorite Hershey's Kiss: Hugs with white and milk chocolate.

49. Favorite Flavor of M&Ms: Plain.

50. Favorite Candy Bar: Snickers or Caramel Twix.


OK, this was super boring and almost painful to go through. Sorry.

Ugh

That word describes how I've been feeling the past week. No strength, no energy, no desire to eat, and just ready to not be pregnant anymore. Can I be ready for this when I'm only 9 weeks along, you ask? Well, seeing as I've been either pregnant or nursing for pretty much the last 4 years straight, yes - I am ready to have my body be my own again. I'm definitely getting my tubes tied after this one.

Anyhoo, I was planning on writing all this stuff about our trip, but I have no energy to do much more than complain. I'd like to share, for those of you who were just longing for more inappropriate information about my body, things that are going on with my body. For instance, I am breaking out in little eczema patches all over my arms and legs. Random. I actually developed this rash under my wedding ring, and the skin is all scaly and peeling. I haven't been wearing my ring, so now I look like an unwed teenaged pregnant mother of two.

I have no strength in my arms or shoulders. Like, my body is constantly exhausted, but I feel it most in my arms. I can't hold Ellie for more than a couple of minutes, Matthew maybe 5. I had to do 7 loads of laundry today, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sore.

I have constant heartburn. This happened both times before as well. My reflux doesn't seem to be as bad this time, although it's still omnipresent. A constant burning of the esophagus is not fun. I think that as a result of the reflux, also, I have a constant yucky taste in my mouth. Ellie is loving it because now I always have gum.

I am constipated as anything. Strangely, when I got pregnant with Ellie, I actually became quite regular. Probably for the first time in my life. I stayed that way until Matthew was born, then returned to my normal ways. Now I'm even worse. I feel all plugged up. I want more than anything to poo. I actually spend quite a bit of time on the toilet, trying to convince my body to do its business, but it is seldom successful. I need prune juice.

I'm just so TIRED. I think when I first found out I was pregnant, it was a combination of many things - sudden forced caffeine withdrawal, low blood sugar (from lack of eating), anemia (from being pregnant and not taking prenatals), and then making a placenta. I'm hoping this will resolve itself in the second trimester, but I'm thinking that chasing Ellie and Matthew around only add to the exhaustion. Matthew, especially.

I know I'm better off than those women who barf constantly or are bedridden by nausea, but I'm the biggest weenie and have an incredibly low tolerance for... suffering of any sort. Actually, that's not true. I totally don't mind being in crazy villages in Mexico where goats eat your toilet paper in the outhouses. I guess I just have a low tolerance for... the first trimester of pregnancy. OK, I better stop. I'm annoying myself now.

Musings on California, Part 1

We just got back from our week-long trip to SoCal yesterday. We all slept in this morning, Matthew (who wakes up at 7:00 on the dot) slept until a luxurious 11:15.

The trip made me think a lot. Mostly about how I dislike LA and would never live there, how unjustly beautiful and idyllic San Diego is, how we're never going to be able to travel with three kids, and how I'm definitely no longer Californian.

First of all, I'd like to proudly share that I SURVIVED the trip. We knocked out two theme parks, slept at least two hours less than normal per day (the kids, I mean), and even ate Korean food. The day before we left, I was so exhausted and out of it, I was convinced Peter would have to take the kids to Legoland on his own. I was also afraid of barfing on the plane, not being able to eat anything, and being non-functional. I don't know if it's because we kept busy, but I had almost all good food days and attended both theme parks.

Another proud announcement was that Ellie was almost always good. She had one day with tantrums, but the rest of the days, she cooperated and behaved. Even at Disneyland, she didn't once complain about standing in line or waiting. We actually waited the longest to meet three princesses (about an hour), and she was so excited the whole time she didn't even think to complain.

Disneyland, by the way, went remarkably well. We got in around 9, rode a bunch of rides where we didn't have to wait, then did the whole Princess thing for a couple of hours (genius marketing, the Princess thing). We went to our hotel at 1:15, slept until 4:45 (miracle that everyone cooperated with this), came back to the park at 7, hardly waited in lines for anything, and ended up riding, like 11 things. We also missed the peak heat and peak line lengths, which was great. The weather was actually pretty cool in the morning, and definitely cool in the evening. Ideal.

NOT ideal was being on an airplane with Matthew. He had a 40-minute tantrum on the way there. We booked a 9pm flight, thinking the kids would sleep the whole time. Unfortunately, Matthew is only able to sleep by himself in a crib. He didn't want me touching him, but he didn't want me to put him down. He was so exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. It was really sad, actually. Finally he fell asleep around 11 Houston time, then woke up when we got to the airport (and ran into Matt, strangely). On the way back, we brought on a carseat and strapped him down for 3/4ths of the flight. That worked out better for everyone, except Peter then had to hold Ellie the entire flight. See, we just need to get him his own seat, which means we have to pay more and split up. Argh. No easy solution. I guess don't travel anymore. That'd be easy.

Now we are all happy to be home. Peter has today off, so we're having a really lazy day. Matthew was THRILLED to see his toys and sleep in his bed. He was running around excitedly all night last night, yelling, "Ball! Backpack! Ball! This!" at everything. Then he slept 13.5 hours. I have tons of laundry and unpacking to do. Better get to it. I'm feeling too lazy to write anything else.

In conclusion - good trip. I'm thankful it was so good since we seriously aren't going to be able to travel as a family for many years to come...

Here's my favorite picture from our trip. Matthew, post-brunch at the Huntington Garden tea room, his scalp smothered in various fruit juices and creamy sandwich fillings, is ready for a nap. Good times.