Racial differentiation

I had the most interesting conversation with Ellie today. I always ask her who she played with when I pick her up from school. I noticed she never mentioned Elle or Lauren, two little blond girls. She doesn't mention Maddie, either, who is also blond. Anyway, I asked her if she liked them and why she never played with them. She responded, "Elle and Lauren are... different."

"Different? Different from who?"
"Elle and Lauren are different and Noah is different." (Noah is Chinese.)
"Who are Elle, Lauren and Noah different from?"
"Oh wait, I forgot. Noah is the same."
"Same as who? Same as you? Elle and Lauren are different from you? Who else is different from you?"
"Nobody."
"Oh," thinking it was a coincidental fluke.
"Michelle - sometimes she's same, too." (Michelle is Vietnamese.)
"Michelle is? Who else?"
"Sometimes Michelle, sometimes Hannah." (The Korean)
"What about Jacob?" (Caucasian)
"No, he's different."
"What about Emily?" (Hispanic)
"Emily is different. She's brown."
"What about Presley?" (the only Caucasian girl Ellie mentions)
"Um... I don't know!"
"What color is Hannah?"
"Brown."

Anyway, I just found this conversation FASCINATING. How interesting that she already sees the differences. Obviously, she doesn't really understand why or how or all that, but the distinction is clearly there. I forgot to ask her about Mira, the Indian girl. Curious to see how she'd answer. And intriguing that she differentiates Emily as being brown, but considers Hannah (who is actually quite pale) to be brown, also. That doesn't strike me as too odd because she's asked me in the past what color we were. I replied brown, but she usually responded that she wanted to be pink.

So the differences are recognizable this early on. Isn't that amazing?! She's already in the formative stage where how we explain and treat the differences will have a lasting impact on her mentality towards race. OK, maybe I'm jumping the gun a little, but if she's aware of the differences, what we say and do will definitely impact her. Crazy. She's not even three yet.

What's intriguing is her acknowledgment of differences with the complete innocence and naivety of toddlerhood. What's a little disturbing is the fact that she doesn't play with Elle and Lauren because they're different. Actually, the only people she does mention playing with are Hannah (who we were already friends with) and Presley, another Caucasian girl. Elle and Lauren are both kinda moody girls. Very serious. Not really her type. And that isn't just an excuse, it's true.

She's been saying some other things lately, too. None as deep as this, but pretty funny nonetheless. The past couple of nights she's been getting her Pull-Ups on and changing into her pajamas, then brushing her teeth and washing her hands all by herself. It's been a big deal. So tonight she didn't want to go to bed and refused to change. I asked, "What happened to my big girl who could do all those things by herself?" She answered, "She went away."

Also, earlier this week, I was playing with the kids an hour or so after dinner. I guess I served some gaseous food because Matthew was farting repeatedly. Then out of nowhere, Ellie announces, "Mommy. I'm farting like crazy!" The best part was that she was completely serious and matter of fact about it.

Some good news - Matthew is finally crawling proficiently! He used to scooch around, then cry when he saw me because I wasn't holding him at that exact moment. Now he smiles like crazy and does this very stompy crawl to me. Here's a video:

Halmoni and Harabuji

The in-laws are here until mid-February or so. Ellie is MUCH better this time. I think she's gotten warmer and kinder in general, and apparently all her memories of her grandparents are happy ones. Being bombarded with presents first thing helped, too. She is pretty happy they're here and was excited to play with them and show off her stuff. She really wanted to play with haRabuji (I was corrected in my English spelling of that word), but he couldn't really understand what she was saying. She kept offering him different toys, to which he'd reply, "oh yeah" or "mmm." Eventually, she just asked him, "What do YOU want to do?" To which, of course, he replied, "Oh yeah."

Anyway, last time they were here, Ellie was in the midst of her terrible twos. When they came last January, she was at the beginning of them, when my mother-in-law returned in April, she was in the latter part. I don't know what it was, but she just decided to be consistently super rude to her halmoni. Stressed us all out. Stressed me out that she was being so terrible, stressed halmoni out that Ellie didn't like her, stressed Ellie out that she was constantly getting in trouble... made for unpleasant days. Thank God she's over it.

We've kinda realized that Ellie is snobby to certain people; more specifically, people with whom she knows she can get away with it. People who indulge her, especially when she's being naughty, she is just consistently naughty with. However, people who make her follow the rules, obey them, and cooperate, she gets along with better. Is this a respect issue? The whole innate respect for authority thing? Weird. But lately, as mentioned, she's gotten better. She used to be snobby with my mom, and isn't so much anymore. She was kinda like that with Paul, too, but that got better his last visit as well.

Matthew is his normal friendly self. Like usual, he grinned from ear to ear (more like forehead to chin, in his case) when he first saw them. He's taken to them pretty well, as I expected. He got sick today, so he's kind of clingy to me. I'm sure he'll get over it, though. He got presents, too, but he doesn't differentiate between inanimate objects he eats that he already had vs. new ones that are given to him.

As for me, as most of my friends know, it's difficult for me to share my space. I think it'll be OK, though. They're pretty good about giving me my space, and they're pretty busy when they're here anyway. My big thing is not being able to pump in the living room while watching TV (since we don't have cable in our bedroom), having to be fully dressed at all times, and feeling guilty about watching TV or taking a nap or doing something else nonproductive in those few precious moments of both children sleeping.

I'm happy to say, though, that I'm enjoying their company and was looking forward to seeing them. Really, it's kind of sad that they only see their grandkids once a year for a few weeks. This is actually the first time Harabuji has seen Matthew at all. Weird. He's all crawling and doing tricks now.

Oh, and I showed my baby book to my mother-in-law. She was shocked to see how much Matthew resembled my infant pictures and how Ellie resembled my toddler pictures. I think I'd mentioned before that it slightly annoyed me when she would insist that Ellie was 100% Peter. There's something inherent in a mother that makes her want her children to resemble her. (That was a lot of hers in one sentence.) Now she insists that they both look exactly like me. So it was kind of petty, but still somewhat gratifying. Sheesh, I'm immature.

The Center of the Universe

It's a lot of pressure being the center of someone else's universe. As flattering as it is that Ellie and Matthew always want me and love me the most (sorry, Daddy, but we can't deny the truth), it's a little scary knowing they completely depend on me and trust me with their lives. As actively involved as Peter is in their lives, I'm with them all the time, everyday (excepting when Ellie's at school, obviously). Who's going to teach them right from wrong? Good from bad? Naughty from nice? Kindness from meanness?

The other day, out of the blue, Ellie asked me, "Mommy. God and Jesus are the same?" Well, yes. But... no. But yes! How do I answer that? OK, realistically speaking, I knew that Ellie wasn't asking an advanced theological question, but is in a stage of her language comprehension where she realizes that there are synonyms and translations of the same word. Maybe not theological, but pretty intelligent just the same. Anyway, she asks me a simple question, and I momentarily panic. Will the way I answer this question be the foundation of her understanding of God and Jesus?! Should I attempt to explain the trinity?! Should I discuss God as the Father of Jesus when she was just taught that Mary and Joseph were Jesus' parents?! I'm sweating.

She goes, "Huh, Mommy?" And I simply reply, "Yes. They're the same, Ellie." "Jesus IS God?" "Yes, Ellie. Jesus is God." "Oh. Pink is my favorite color." End of discussion. Fortunately, I realized that I had to answer in a manner that her 2 1/2 year old brain would understand. And right now, theologically speaking, Jesus is God. The end.

I also realized this morning as Matthew yanked my glasses off my face that I hadn't really been using the word "no" with him. I think Ellie understood no by this age. I guess because he's just so active and was a needier infant that I just sort of let him do whatever he wanted that would keep him busy. I panicked again and thought, "Oh my gosh! It's too late now! He'll never learn to accept no for an answer!" Then I came to my senses, realized he was only 8 1/2 months old, and just kept repeating no. To which he grinned with his 6 teeth and proceeded to yank my glasses off again.

I'm not really sure what he gets at this time. Sometimes it seems like he understands. Like, he'll do peekaboo on command. But he knows how to clap, but won't ever do that on command. I don't know. Anyway, here's a video of Matthew playing peekaboo. He actually realized that hiding his face in a pillow takes less effort than lifting something to his face, so that's his new version of it.


Here's a classic pic, too, for those who hadn't checked out my flickr yet. Check out the Chai family butt and saddlebags on these babies. Sigh. They only inherit my bad features...

The Rota is gonna get you...

Did we infect you yet? Our family's spree of infection is ended, I hope. Here's a step by step of our disease-spreading history:

• Ellie pukes at the retreat in front of Doreen's kids, into Doreen's hands. One of them (Doreen can't remember which) is infected. She is listless the rest of the day and is passed from person to person to be held. Sammy is infected.
• We try to visit Joanne and her new baby. Fortunately they are both asleep the entire time we are at their house. UNfortunately, many others are awake. Ellie infects Harold, Chris, and Mrs. Oh. Jojo quickly follows.
• Matthew pukes Sunday morning before church, I mistake it for spit up, and both of us go to the nursery later on. We infect Jadyn and Julie Park. LeeAnn plays with my kids at church and also gets infected. Harold and his family get his mom sick.
• I get sick, but I have the mildest case of us all.
• I feed Peter lactose-full milk and give him the runs. Then his rotavirus surfaces and he has it coming out both ends. What timing.
• Sammy has to go to the hospital as he has barfed so much he is dehydrated and can't walk. Gina, unable to carry his gigantic lifeless body, calls an ambulance. EMS workers get blood on her pristine carpet in repeated unsuccessful efforts to stick him with an IV. They will probably end up paying thousands of dollars because church insurance sucks.
• Jadyn gets Kayce sick.
• Somehow Ryan gets sick, either from his cousins, his aunt, or one of us.
• Sammy or Chris or his grandmother gets Austin sick.
• Apparently Lauren Keating gets sick, but I don't think we can take credit for that one.

It's almost impressive, no? Thirteen total affected by my children. Sheesh, this rotavirus is running rampant! Luckily we all had fairly mild cases that lasted only a few days. Peter usually says the diarrhea can last up to two weeks, but I don't think anyone's had it for more than 4 or 5 days. Most are less. Mine ended up being mostly stomach cramps from unreleasable gas. Friday night I was burping like crazy. It was the most refreshing thing...

Anyway, keep your hands clean. Try not to touch barf. Or poo, for that matter. And stop blaming us! We're past infectiousness now! Sor-ry!

New Year's Resolutions

Woo! It's been awhile since I last posted. Needless to say, the holidays are probably the busiest days of my year. Since I last posted, Paul came into town, Danny, Jieun & Abby came into town, I had the busiest day of my entire life, we all went to a Rockets game with three babies, Christmas came and went, the Chais left, we went to the youth retreat for a couple of days, Ellie got rotavirus and puked in Doreen's hands, Matthew got rotavirus and puked all over me (three times), we celebrated New Year's, I got rotavirus but didn't puke, Peter got rotavirus and puked violently, we apparently spread rotavirus to the entire Oh family and Matthew's nursery class at church, and now Paul is leaving tomorrow. And we're all better. Except maybe Paul. We're still waiting on that one.

I always make new year's resolutions. I never keep them past... probably February or so, but I like the idea of a fresh start, a new year, new beginnings. Anyway, here are my resolutions for this year, so people can keep me accountable.

#1 - Pray for Ellie and Matthew each morning before we start the day. (Already broken. I forgot today. Will try to restart tomorrow.)
#2 - Be more affectionate to Peter. I always thought we were fairly affectionate, but a month or so ago, Ginny said she'd never seen us showing affection. For some reason, that really bothered me.
#3 - Invest in someone's life outside of my family. Still not sure where that one's going, but I think God will show me the way.
#4 - Be more grateful in general.

OK, the last one is a little vague. I think I take too much for granted, though, so I'm going to make a pointed effort to recognize and acknowledge my blessings. One thing I've been grateful for since the holidays is having good siblings-in-law. Really, the mix of the 5 of us is pretty ideal. Paul and Danny were already friends before Peter and I even dated. I'm certain Jieun and I would've been good friends growing up had we grown up together. All of us mesh very well. And now that it's been so long since we've all been together, there's definitely a high level of comfort among us all. It's nice. Here are some more specific examples:

Paul baby-sits. All the time. He may have spent more time alone with Matthew at this point than Peter has. And there are no qualms about diaper changes, even poo. He once did EVERY SINGLE available game on Sesame Street online with Ellie. It took almost two hours. Last night I complained to Peter that he hadn't had a conversation with me in awhile, and Paul knocks on the door unknowingly. Peter springs on him that Uncle Paul is going to read Ellie three books and put her to bed. Without flinching, he smiles and takes Ellie up, then even allows her to kick him repeatedly until she falls asleep. Good stuff.

Jieun puts in huge amounts of effort to communicate effectively with Peter. She over-enunciates, makes grand sweeping gestures, and moves her lips a lot when she talks to him. We were playing Karaoke Revolution one night after the kids were all sleeping. Since we couldn't turn the volume up loud enough for him to hear, Peter wasn't really playing. Jieun decided he should be included, so to level the playing field, they sang Take On Me on mute. I almost wet myself watching them try to find the right key and pitch. Anyway, whereas Danny and I were content singing ourselves, Jieun made a point to include my poor husband.

Yeah, so I'm grateful. I probably don't say it enough. It'll be interesting to see who Paul ends up adding to the mix. Pressure's on!

By the way, sorry to anyone else we gave rotavirus to. We didn't mean to. I think the count is up to 8 now. :(