Influencing lives

There's a deacon on the Korean congregation side of our church who has very advanced cancer. It was a huge shock to everyone. This man is the most vivacious, friendly, lively character. He was diagnosed about 2 months ago with kidney cancer, then found out it had spread to his lungs, brain, and more recently, his liver. It's beyond surgical repair, and chemo was having some adverse effects so they stopped it. Now he's at MD Anderson with just bags and bags of things attached to him, including an oxygen mask that he's supposed to wear constantly.

We went to visit him on Monday. He was completely changed. Just cranky, didn't want to wear the oxygen mask, somewhat incoherent, totally frail looking, and in a bad mood in general. He didn't want us to pray for him, and we kept having to leave the room for various reasons. We spoke to his wife for a little bit at the end of our visit. She was saying how her husband is still hoping he'll pull through. He was actually expected to pass away last Friday. They even had Pastor Eric come to do last rite-ish prayers, but he made it. I think that gave them hope that a miracle could still occur, especially since ALL the doctors were saying he wouldn't make it to morning.

I don't know how to pray for him. Seeing him, you almost wish that he could be put out of his suffering. Knowing him, there's no doubt that he'd be going to heaven. But being in his situation? I don't know how I'd feel either. I could say right now that I'd want to be put out my misery, but I can see myself clinging to life, for one more day with my family.

Ironically, he doesn't want visitors. This man has spent the majority of his life investing in others. He was head deacon this year, is a youth shepherd, has taught Sunday school (including my 11th grade year), comes to New Life functions, and is well known and loved by everyone. So many people feel close to him that they've had a steady stream of guests. Unfortunately, they're being turned away as he just is too uncomfortable to see them. It must be somewhat embarrassing to be seen in such a state. It's degrading to have so many people monitoring your every bodily function and needing help to sit up, pee, eat...

I wonder if I got that sick, how many people would come to visit me? How many lives have I invested so much into that they'd feel compelled to see me? At this point, I don't think it's enough. My world has gotten smaller and smaller lately. Mr. Paick's illness has really made me think about how I'm spending my life. He's reminded me of what we're here for, what God calls us to do with our lives. And I know I'm not obeying.

Please pray for peace in his family. I think that's how I've decided to pray. It's obviously all in God's hands, so we can't do much else. I pray also that his life of love, family, and ministry will be an inspiration to others like me who aren't using their resources the way they should.