Hot

I'm so hot. It's the most disgusting feeling to need a shower due to stickiness due to simply getting in and out of the car/in and out of whatever building. Yick. We keep the AC downstairs off these days to save energy (our electricity bill two months ago was over $350!!!), so I sweat even in the house.

My mom and I get so bitter everytime we go back to California. It's not like we appreciate the weather when we're there. We're just resentful of all the people who live there and take it for granted. Coolness at night. That's a big deal, Californians. We have lows in the upper 70s, and that's from 3-5 am or so. Once when I was in SF, I walked the streets of downtown with my face to the sky and my arms spread open, soaking in the coolness of June, embarrassing Gloria to death. Unfair.

There are a couple of things you hear in Houston all the time. One is, "It's so hot." Like it has to be stated. But seriously, it's so hot that you can't help but comment on it. Second is, "Close the door! Mosquitoes!" Especially in my parents' area, there are tons of mosquitoes. Another good thing about California we took for granted - mosquitoes only in the wilderness. Not in the house biting the children repeatedly.

Houston stinks. Literally.

I'm tired.

As much as I'd like to write about my shock concerning the last results show, I will refrain.

So Matthew's almost 14 weeks old and is still not sleeping through the night. It's wearing me down, I tell you! Last night I tried for an hour and a half to get him to sleep before he finally gave in to me. Part of the problem was that each time he'd start to fall asleep, he'd poo. Seriously - 3 poops within half an hour. Ellie started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I'm very ready for it to happen.

Just the hardest part is the inconsistency. Three nights ago he slept for 8 1/2 hours straight. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep (I was all wound up about SYTYCD. Forreal.) and didn't go to bed until 3. That night he woke up 3 times between 3 and 8. Last night he woke up about 4 times. After I finally got him to sleep, I went downstairs with the intention of cleaning up, looked at the chaotic mess of our house, almost cried in frustration, decided to just go to sleep, heard Ellie just TALKING away in bed (at nearly 11) because she was waiting for me, lay down with her, and conked out. Fortunately I woke up before Matthew woke up for the first time, so i ended up getting up about 5 times.

Amazingly, I am able to function during the day. I think, though, that I am getting really close to losing it. Even now, I'm thinking about the two loads of laundry yet to be done and how little I want to do them. Ellie had a rough day today, too. Although she's mellowed out SIGNIFICANTLY the past month and a half or so (as did Matthew), making my life a little easier, she decided to be all whiny and fussy today. Mostly because I wouldn't let her have the candy she got in her goody bag from Christen's 3rd birthday/Matthew's 100th day party Thursday night (at Chuck E. Cheese's). Candy is evil, every way you look at it.

I know there are all the people (including Peter) who say I should just let him cry it out, but I just can't do it. For more than a couple of reasons, though, not just my being a sucker. He's also very squirmy and tends to get shoved into corners if I leave him crying too long. He can cry LOUDLY, threatening to wake up Ellie. He wakes me up each time, and I can't go to sleep when I know he's awake. Might as well feed him. I dunno... maybe a week or so of crying would do the trick. Then I could have a full night's sleep for the first time in months. I miss sleep. I just keep hoping he'll do it on his own. He's done it three times, so I know his body is capable. Argh. Such a sucker am I.

Here are a few pics from the party. Matthew didn't really appreciate it much.

Sorry... more about my show...

I read your comment before I got a chance to watch the show, Scott. That's all right... I'm not that big into surprises anyway. Wednesdays are my sacred me-time night. I put the kids to bed, finish cleaning whatever needs to be cleaned, get myself an indulgent snack and beverage and just partake of the show. Yes. I was actually kind of mad that this week was only an hour long. Wonder why they cut the solos. Too burnt out? It's annoying that they put in all this junk in previous 2 hour episodes just to fill the time, and now that they actually have real stuff to show, they squeeze it into a single hour. Disappointing.

Anyway, yeah. Benji and Heidi - seriously couldn't have gotten better dance styles for their partnership. Even Peter was really into their routines. Lucky for Heidi they didn't get contemporary or hip hop. For them to have gotten a super peppy Broadway routine like that, though... ideal. Kinda incestuous, the lusty facial expressions during the mambo, but amazing nonetheless.

And Benji is SOOO going to win. Goodness gracious, the audience chants his name every time he dances. I think as far as flexibility goes, he's doing better than Travis. I think pretty much Ivan and Ryan are out of their league at this point.

I thought Natalie did really well. Lucky for her Musa's gone. He was really limiting her in the routines, I feel like. She does have a more mature style than Allison. We'll see how it goes this week seeing as she was in the bottom two last week. BTW, I actually watched High School Musical when I found out Allison was in it. I'm a little more than unhealthily obsessed.

Ryan's a good dancer, yes, but I've grown weary of him. He's so... awkward! Maybe it's his being effeminate, but I liked him even less after Natalie called him a little puppy dog following her around. Yick.

Benji. Definitely Benji.

Sorry people who don't care. I found two people who do, and I couldn't be more excited. :)

SYTYCD

Thanks to all who referred SYTYCD fans to me. :) Sorry to anyone who doesn't care about the show, but I'm dedicating this entire entry to it. Here' s my latest take on it.

I think Heidi has to go. She looks TERRIBLE when she does hip hop, but for some reason the judges seem to love her. Obviously with Nigel being the executive producer of the show, he's trying to keep people on for ratings purposes, but I don't see the appeal of Heidi. Also, she's so super spazzy that it's kind of annoying. I'm sure she's a nice person, but clearly not the most talented female.

I also think Ryan is kinda awkward, socially. I don't know if you can make that kind of judgment just based on dancing, but I thought he handled his initial partnership with Heidi very poorly. There was an obvious lack of chemistry between them, which was not made up for by little fakey-fakey things they'd do. I think they should've eliminated him long ago when it was him and Jason in the bottom two. I ALSO think that Jason was eliminated because if Ryan had been, then Heidi and Dmitry would've been paired up, creating an unfair advantage. Conspiracy theory of mine.

I think it'll be down to Allison for the gals and either Benji or Travis for the guys. Benji's a great entertainer, excellent dancer, charming person in general, but Travis does have more technical skills. After all, the winner is going to have a contract in the Celine Dion show, which is all contemporary. Benji has yet to do contemporary, and I'm sure he'd do well, but Travis is obviously better. Unfortunately at this point, it's up to the public to determine the winner. We'll see what happens. I'm banking on a guy for sure, though.

I can't stand the hip hop choreographing girls when they do the judging. So annoying. They just regurgitate what Nigel says. Also, I find Dan Karaty to be sort of lame, too. There's this tension between him and Brian Freedman, I think. Brian's choreography is far superior, and I think they both know it.

I so look forward to Wednesdays. Like, on Wednesday morning I get all excited. Then Thursday morning I'm all sad because it will soon be over. I'm just way too into this show. I read the message boards on the website. I learned a bunch of things from it. Benji and Heidi are Mormon (hence Benji's two year mission trip to Oaxaca), and the ring Benji wears is the Mormon version of a WWJD bracelet. Musa's married, Natalie's engaged. Ivan's family is allegedly linked to the Russian mafia, which is why, one conspirator suggests, he's still on the show. Good stuff.

Come on now, people. If this doesn't make you want to watch the show, I don't know what will. Only a few more weeks left! Join in the fun!

More randomness

Could someone PLEASE, for the love of God, watch So You Think You Can Dance? I really need someone to rehash things over with. I really need someone with whom to rehash. That's better, but sounds ridiculous. Anyway, I'm so obsessing over this show and NONE of my friends care. Peter says he doesn't care, but he gets all excited over hip hop routines and always wants to hear what the judges say. It's getting really good, now. Final 8. Good stuff. Check it out.

I had to put up word verification commenting on here. The other day I was checking my email and it said I had 56 junk mail messages. What the heck! It turns out it was some advertiser for poker or something that left comments on every single one of my blogs. I also had someone who had a site for Dark Sin Confession or something post comments on two. Is this common? I dunno...

You know what commercial really annoys me? I don't think it's on anymore, but that Starbucks bottled Frappuccino one where people start doing, like, a stomp routine on the street? REALLY bugs. Like, I turn the channel when it's on. Only one other commercial has ever bothered me so much - the Astroworld one with that old dancing man? Yeah... hated that one. Anyway, these Frappuccino people are all off beat, but not in a way that's like good syncopation. Just totally off. And the white people look ridiculous dancing that way.

I ended up not going to my reunion after all. I guess I'd be there right now had I gone. We didn't have a baby-sitter, and I didn't want to go without Peter. Plus, I was being all wishy washy about it, and by the time I decided I'd go, the price went up to $75 per person. $75 to not have a meal or even drinks and just see people I never really cared much about in the first place. I'd really like to go to my reunion in San Jose. Those are the people I'd known since elementary school. Wonder if I could sneak in somehow...

Ellie finally figured out gum. Took her about 5 times to get it. Now she's addicted. It's the easiest bribe, though, and I don't mind so much as long as it's sugarfree. Plus, it makes her breath smell nice. :) BTW, I found out that her ballet teacher has a studio closer to our house that has classes for just two year olds on Friday. Hooray! We don't have to stop going after the summer now. She's really liking it now. And the teacher said she actually dances! They keep closing the curtain during class... I think it's because of me. Ellie keeps waving at me, and now Hailey is in the class too. Ginny hides so Hailey won't cry more, but she kept looking at me despairingly, like, "Rescue me from this nightmare!" Sad.

Matthew is so much more mellow now. He'll sit by himself for pretty long periods of time now, especially if he can see me. Thank goodness! I was getting pretty tired. He's so smiley now, too. It's just so much more gratifying being a mother when your baby smiles at you. We went to a wedding reception today at church, and he was being passed around quite a bit amongst the Seoul Baptist people. It was decided that he looks like 1) Peter, exactly, 2) me, sort of, 3) my dad's brother (who is MUCH better looking than my dad, added Mrs. Huh), 4) a combination of Danny and Paul (weird), 5) my dad but better looking, 6) Peter's uncle. Mostly, it was the usual response, "Who does he look like?" Apparently, everyone.

My kids look like me!

When Matthew was first born, we were looking at my baby album and discovered he kinda looked like I did when I was a baby. I pulled it out again today, and now he looks EXACTLY like I did when I was a baby. The only thing is that his mouth is usually closed in photos (or fist is inserted) while mine was always hanging open in a very "duh" expression. Then you turn a few pages in the album, and ta da! I become Ellie! Weird. Then you turn a few more pages, and all photographical records of my childhood are over. Sad.

Danny says people say Abby looks like me. People say Matthew looks like Danny. Of course, the two cousins look nothing alike, but neither do Danny and I. So I guess that makes sense... sort of.

Here are some recent pics of Matthew in his first trendy outfit. I finally figured out how to get him to smile in pictures, too, so that's good. His shirt says Rock-a-Bye Baby on it, by the way. Target, $3.99. I am not ashamed.

Sigh. He's so big already. When we stand him up next to Ellie, she's really not much bigger than he is. I couldn't believe how huge he looked when she was holding him in her lap. He's getting mellower now, too. He can play by himself for longer periods of time and will sit and watch me from the highchair. He'll lie down on the bed or couch for pretty long if I'm next to him. Now if only he would sleep through the night...

Surviving my days

I've written before about how I get pre-partum depression. I start dreading the birth of the baby, convinced that it'll ruin my life and take away all my happiness. That sounds dramatic, but it's pretty close to accurate. When I went into labor with Matthew, I started bawling because I wouldn't get that last week with Ellie as my only child. Before I had Ellie, I wouldn't let anyone come over during the last few months of my pregnancy because I was afraid that Peter and I would never be alone again.

So the last couple of months before Matthew was born, I was going crazy trying to make the time last as long as possible. I took Ellie to all these fun places, napped with her, stayed with her in bed until she fell asleep, etc. I didn't want the day to end because it meant that we were one day closer to losing our relationship.

As it turns out, we still have a pretty great relationship. We get to spend lots of time together. I'm the mom that takes the older kid to Gymboree while Bjorning the baby. We go to storytime at the library while Peter stays with Matthew. She loves shopping, so I take her anytime I go. HOWEVER, the big difference is that now I can't wait until the end of the day. My goal for each day is to survive it. It really is so much more tiring with the two kids than just the one. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, mothers of one!

Isn't that sad, though? What a pathetic way to live life. Seriously, my daily goal is to make it through the day. I guess life tends to get monotonous for a lot of people, but I was getting all depressed about it today. I wish I still cherished every moment I have with my kids. When I had Ellie (because the depression went away as soon as she was born), I was determined to enjoy my time with her. I didn't ever want to be one of those moms who lamented over their kids growing up so fast. And honestly, I really did cherish each minute. Now I'm just too busy.

My poor Matthew. I really do love him to death, but it's hard to really cherish our time together, mostly because Ellie's right there in the middle of it. He's totally at the age when I start getting really into babies, too. He smiles all the time and coos at me. Really cute. And I try to make sure we get one on one time, but it's not the same at all. My friends who have more than one kid say you enjoy the second one more because you're not all nervous and panicky, but I feel like time is going too fast to enjoy my second. I can't believe he's almost three months old already!

I hope I can figure out how to simply enjoy them before Matthew becomes a toddler.

Grandma and Grandpa

The relationship between my parents and my kids is very interesting. Ellie goes through phases with my mom. Sometimes she loves her, sometimes just tolerates her, sometimes is flat-out rude to her. The other day she was having a BLAST with Grandma. Just dragging her by the hand, playing and laughing, and (as Grandma bragged to Grandpa) "giving kisses willingly."

On the other hand, Grandpa has always been the favorite grandparent of Ellie's. She'll run up to him and is always excited to see him. I think because he's the only one that really gets on the floor and crawls around with her and acts silly. Peter's uncle (his dad's younger brother) came to visit once. He was crawling around with Ellie, too, and she thought he was just great. I guess it's the silliness that makes the most difference.

Anyway, the interesting thing is that she likes Grandpa the best, but he gives her the least leeway as far as behavior goes. He's always telling her how he loves her conditionally, only when she's being good and is clean and stuff. If she's being crazy, he leaves the room. It's weird, though, because the other 3 grandparents will bend over backwards to keep her from crying and whining and stuff, but they can't always win her over. I don't know what it is. It's like she enjoys the challenge or something. And my dad has JUST NOW started paying attention to Matthew. As he says, "Now he finally looks like a human." Nice, Grandpa.

My parents are very very different when it comes to showing affection. My dad's nickname amongst my friends when I was younger was Kissy Monster. My friends didn't address my mom directly at all. Like when we got married, my dad told Peter immediately to call him Dad. Peter then asks my mom, "What should I call you?" She replies tight-lipped, "You can call me Mrs. Chai." He still doesn't really know what to call her, so he just calls her everything: Mom, omonim, jangmonim, Mrs. Chai, samonim, Chris' mom...

Regardless of the affection that we were (or were not) given, one thing that was never present from either parent growing up was "I love you." I seriously can't remember the last time either of my parents said that to me. I'm sure it's a generational thing, because somehow Danny and I both ended up being affectionate people, even verbally. But now that my parents are grandparents, I guess all reserve flies out the window. They tell Ellie every time they see her, repeatedly, that they love her. OK, so my mom usually tells Ellie, "Say, 'I love you, Grandma,'" before she'll say it to Ellie, but at least she says it. And Ellie always says it back.

A few weeks ago, I was at my parents' house for lunch. My dad was home, and he and Ellie had been having a great time reading books and playing and stuff. After a couple of hours she started getting really tired and cranky and threw a tantrum. I got all nervous, knowing her unconditional love for Grandpa and his conditional love for her. So I left, not wanting to jeopardize the relationship. (Plus, Matthew was screaming and crying, wanting only me to hold him.)

Turns out Grandpa's love is fairly unconditional after all. All she had to do was run to him and give him a hug and kiss for the memory of the badness to go away... so I thought. I talked to my dad a few days after the tantrum. He was all worried that Ellie had gone bad for good. Then he said something interesting - "I know she's my granddaughter and I love her, but I couldn't help being a little mad at her for giving you such a hard time. You ARE my daughter, after all." So I guess that's where loyalties lie. And I think that was my dad's way of saying, "I love you."

Ballet video

I think I figured out how to upload videos onto YouTube. Sorry if you already got an email link to this. Tell me if it works. I really have no idea what I'm doing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2NyzylA5OE

Random thoughts and some cute pics

I've decided after all to go to my high school reunion. Ten years... crazy. When we went to Peter's (oh so many years ago), everyone looked so old. Now I'm that old. I wasn't sure if I'd go because I'm all fat and stuff, but I think if I find the right empire waisted dress and control top something or the other, I'll be OK.

I went to our neighborhood workout room today. I thought I'd do the elliptical machine for half an hour. When I first felt like I was dying and wouldn't be able to continue, I checked the monitor thing. 3 minutes and 42 seconds had passed. Sad.

I started reading Freakonomics. SO interesting. Peter and I have been passing the book back and forth because we're both totally into it. It's been awhile since I was really into a book.

I got a dress on ebay for $34.95 + $4.00 shipping. When I got it, I didn't like it. The tag had a Macy's proof of purchase, so I went to return it and got $49.99 credit. Awesome.

My left boob is making twice as much milk as my right. Matthew can't keep up with the production. It's kinda funny because Ellie preferred the right. Now my boobs are all lopsided. Sorry to any guys reading this.

Jonathan has this really nice camera that he used to take some pictures of our kids. Just thought I'd share them. Also included are Ellie's hair that I'm planning on doing for Marsh's wedding and the first picture of Matthew actually smiling a genuine smile with Ellie actually smiling a genuine smile. Ellie kinda looks like I did as a toddler in the 3rd pic...

First class - sorry, it's long!

OK. Today was the day that, really, if I think about it, I've been waiting for all my life. Ellie's first ballet class. SO cute, I could hardly stand it. The class is for 2-3 year olds, but it seems the average age is 3 1/2. Ellie was seriously a head shorter than everyone else (including one boy), and significantly younger. She didn't know WHAT was going on. I wish I could post the 20 minute video I took of the class... I'll show you if you ever want to see it. I already made Jenn watch it.

Anyway, to preface the cutest thing ever, this was how my day started. 3:17 am Matthew wakes up and demands food. 6:11 Matthew wakes up again to demand food (We're actually making negative progress with the sleeping through the night. He's gone from waking up every 5 hours to every 2.) and poop. 6:53 Matthew wakes up AGAIN for no reason other than the desire to play. 7:55 I surrender to his coos and stop pretending to be asleep (as though it was doing me any good - the kid's 2 months old). 8:00 I give him a bath to get rid of his Oh-Family-Stinkyhead. 8:15 Ellie wakes up. 9:00 Matthew goes back to sleep, Ellie gets plopped into the tub. 9:15 I take a quick shower, washing only the body parts that are especially sticky due to Houston and breastmilk squirting (sorry, graphic). 9:30 I shove a granola bar and a sippy cup of milk in Ellie's hand, grab a banana, pull peacefully sleeping Matthew out of bed, and run out the door. 9:45 it starts pouring rain. 9:46 I realize I don't have an umbrella. 9:47 I pull into the parking lot of the ballet school. 9:48 I run into the office to find out where I'm supposed to go and borrow a big umbrella. 9:50 I carefully balance the umbrella on the car door and Bjorn crying Matthew. 9:51 I hurl my diaper bag, bottle cooler, and videocamera over my shoulder. 9:52 I somehow manage to carry Ellie along with the other things into the school. 9:53 it stops raining.

So we get there and she's all excited. Then when class starts, the teacher takes her by the hand, leads her into the room and closes the door. So my video footage and photos are through the window, which really sucked. Anyway, I'm just dying with delight for about 10 minutes when Matthew decides he's hungry. So now I'm carrying him in my left arm, videotaping with my right hand, and propping a bottle up against my left boob. Then after he's done, I Bjorn him back, and he poops ALL OVER my shirt and hand (which happened to be under his butt). Rather than being grossed out, I'm just disappointed that I'm missing video opportunities of her class.

Ellie liked the ballet part, but didn't really know how to follow directions. She was confused when the teacher tried to get her to sit on the line or do the stuff the others were doing. Then, she is lacking the coordination to do a lot of the things they were asking, but she didn't let it get her down. When the others were hopping on one foot across the room in an orderly fashion, she was joyfully galloping around the room while looking at herself in the mirror.

Then it was time for tap. I didn't get to buy tap shoes in time (they're stinkin EXPENSIVE!), so I just brought her black patent leather mary janes. Anyway, the kids all came out to change shoes, and Ellie thought they were done. Then the teacher brought her back in and closed the door, and she started crying in confusion. Then the lady at the desk told me not to stand in the window or Ellie would cry even more, so I didn't. Later after class, I asked her why she cried. She said, "I look for Mommy and you not there. I scared." SAD! I'll just stand by the door next week.

Anyway, she said she wouldn't cry next week, and she'll have actual tap shoes by then. Here are some mostly bad pics of today. The last ones are of her eating the cookies I got to console her for being deserted by me. I wish I could post the video. So cute. She keeps waving at me and doing her "ballerina" move, which involves putting her hands over her head and spinning around. I think she was confused that they never did that. Her thighs just BULGE out of her leotard. Takes after Mommy.

Tee hee hee!

I am so excited. Ellie and Hailey are going to start ballet classes this Thursday. Ellie is super excited, too. She's been talking about it everyday - ballerina class and ballerina school. I tried to go on Monday to register her, but the office was closed at that time. She was all upset and freaking out that she didn't get to go to ballerina school.

Anyway, Ginny and I went to Target and Walmart today to get leotards and tap shoes (hee hee! The class is half ballet and half tap, actually.), but we didn't find either in the girls' size. We were complaining about the fact that neither store carried the sizes small enough, but we realized we're probably the crazy ones, enrolling our two year olds in dance. I've been looking online, too, and the smallest size they have in tap shoes is 7. Ellie and Hailey wear a 6. Hmm. Good thing Jieun got Ellie actual dance tights and ballet shoes for her birthday. The size 7 ballet shoes fit, so maybe the tap shoes will as well.

I just keep thinking about the contestants on SYTYCD. Most say they've been dancing since they were three. Ellie can say she danced since she was two... as she accepts the title of "America's Favorite Dancer", season 18. :)

Photos soon to follow.