I'm tired.

As much as I'd like to write about my shock concerning the last results show, I will refrain.

So Matthew's almost 14 weeks old and is still not sleeping through the night. It's wearing me down, I tell you! Last night I tried for an hour and a half to get him to sleep before he finally gave in to me. Part of the problem was that each time he'd start to fall asleep, he'd poo. Seriously - 3 poops within half an hour. Ellie started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I'm very ready for it to happen.

Just the hardest part is the inconsistency. Three nights ago he slept for 8 1/2 hours straight. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep (I was all wound up about SYTYCD. Forreal.) and didn't go to bed until 3. That night he woke up 3 times between 3 and 8. Last night he woke up about 4 times. After I finally got him to sleep, I went downstairs with the intention of cleaning up, looked at the chaotic mess of our house, almost cried in frustration, decided to just go to sleep, heard Ellie just TALKING away in bed (at nearly 11) because she was waiting for me, lay down with her, and conked out. Fortunately I woke up before Matthew woke up for the first time, so i ended up getting up about 5 times.

Amazingly, I am able to function during the day. I think, though, that I am getting really close to losing it. Even now, I'm thinking about the two loads of laundry yet to be done and how little I want to do them. Ellie had a rough day today, too. Although she's mellowed out SIGNIFICANTLY the past month and a half or so (as did Matthew), making my life a little easier, she decided to be all whiny and fussy today. Mostly because I wouldn't let her have the candy she got in her goody bag from Christen's 3rd birthday/Matthew's 100th day party Thursday night (at Chuck E. Cheese's). Candy is evil, every way you look at it.

I know there are all the people (including Peter) who say I should just let him cry it out, but I just can't do it. For more than a couple of reasons, though, not just my being a sucker. He's also very squirmy and tends to get shoved into corners if I leave him crying too long. He can cry LOUDLY, threatening to wake up Ellie. He wakes me up each time, and I can't go to sleep when I know he's awake. Might as well feed him. I dunno... maybe a week or so of crying would do the trick. Then I could have a full night's sleep for the first time in months. I miss sleep. I just keep hoping he'll do it on his own. He's done it three times, so I know his body is capable. Argh. Such a sucker am I.

Here are a few pics from the party. Matthew didn't really appreciate it much.