Ah ha.

I guess it wasn't really PMS.

I guess the prayers of a three-year old are powerful and effective.

I guess I won't need to look into mastectomy bras (at least not for the next couple of years).

I guess that's why I was peeing every half hour.

I guess we'll get that lightweight double stroller after all.

I guess our next car will not be a camry.


Oh my goodness.

A drawback of motherhood

WARNING: to all males - this entry will contain WAY too much information for those who are moderately conservative. Don't feel obligated to read. Honestly, I don't really care if you do, but whatever.

I've mentioned in the past, I think, that having babies has wreaked havoc on my body. For instance, my hair has become coarser, my rib cage wider, my waistline higher, my skin uneven-er, my vestibular system off-er, etc. HOWEVER, having two babies has declared war on my body. Umm... let me just say I now have the upper body of a pre-pubescent little boy. Actually, make that a pre-pubescent little boy with a lot of gas, explaining the lovely bloating of the lower abdomen. Nice.

We went to Austin and San Marcos last week since Peter had the week off. I went into the Playtex/Bali/Hanes/Jockey outlet to see if I could find something to help me in my situation. What I ended up finding made me only more depressed. Playtex has a line called "Thank Goodness it Fits," consisting of 1/2 sizes and "Nearly A" sizes. I couldn't thank goodness. I'm quite certain that I actually cursed goodness.

I guess really, it's not THAT big of a deal. Obviously more important things are going on in the world, but I have to say that I feel... depressed. Seriously. I think about it daily and consider boob jobs at least every other day. I feel like it's not just an issue of vanity. I honestly feel like I've lost my womanhood. I no longer have a nice tapered waist, my hair is 95% of the time in a ponytail, makeup is a laughable topic... I guess I could try to put more effort into myself, but I'm often just too tired.

There was a Victoria's Secret commercial on last week, and I almost cried watching it, knowing that I will never be able to make use of their product. Sigh. Maybe it's PMS in addition to everything else, but I've been really upset about this these days. I actually miss my little As. I never resented them. I was always quite accepting of them. ESPECIALLY now.

Peter said to give it some time, that maybe some of the fat would return. But that would mean that fat would also show up elsewhere. Some friends say they'd rather be thinner and chestless than fat with boobs. At this point, I don't even know. Maybe I could look into mastectomy bras...

On a lighter note, here's a fun video of Ellie, Matthew and Lauren dancing last night.


And a short clip of Matthew walking. He doesn't do much, and he's going for chapstick. But he walks.

FINALLY

Matthew is FINALLY walking. I don't know what in the world took him so long. He's been cruising since 8 months, so it was never an issue of physical strength. Even when he was a week old, he wanted to stand up on straight legs. Here's the play-by-play of his walking progress:

8 months: Matthew begins cruising constantly, frustrating himself (and Mommy) because he WANTS to walk and can't.

10 months: proficiently walks holding on to fingers of adults. "Any day now!" Except not.

12 months: my self-imposed deadline comes... and goes.

12 and a half months: he is able to walk holding just one hand (although he initially continues to side step, as though he's still cruising).

13 months: to the day (May 25), Matthew takes a few steps in front of our entire house church.

13 months and two days: Matthew starts standing up on his own... and then sits.

13 months and six days: At Little Gym, he stands up completely nonchalantly and takes four very confident steps before falling. Totally random.

13 months, one week and two days: Matthew takes ten steps, his new record. He continues to experimentally try several steps at once, laughingly falling to the ground each time, then ending with applause for himself.

13 months, one week and four days (today): He begins using walking as a means of transportation. He's still very aware that crawling is much more efficient, but I'm hoping each day will bring more walking and less holding of many many pounds of wiggly mass.

So we're pretty excited at our house about this new development (Ellie kept reassuring me that Matthew would walk "maybe when he's four"). But man, if we thought he wreaked havoc as a crawler, I can't even fathom how much more chaotic our house will look once he gets it down.

He's discovered standing on things, so he'll push stools, books, Ellie's toy microwave, etc. over to something he can't reach in order to get higher. Today he was THIIIIIS close to grabbing my chef's knife off the counter. ACK! I'm kinda proud that he figured out how to boost himself, but it's pretty scary, the things he attempts sometimes. What's funny is he has no idea how to get down. He'll be standing on this little footstool, get whatever he wanted (usually food), then start crying because he's stuck. A little sad, but mostly funny. He hoisted himself onto the coffee table today on his tummy. His feet were about an inch and a half away from the ground, but he couldn't figure out how to get down.

So next time you see Matthew, he will officially be a toddler. Finally.

Wait! That's kinda sad! I won't have a baby anymore... just two toddlers. Actually, Ellie's pretty much a kid now. She says, "I'm almost a grown-up!" Sigh. Let me just stop you now before you say it, I'm NOT pregnant nor do I plan to be again anytime soon. I just really love having babies...

SYTYCD, first of many

OK. Just finished watching. What do we think about Lacey? Will she suffer from bitter repercussions from those who were upset about her brother? Too much favoritism because of him? I'll admit, I was into Benji, but when I saw him return to the auditions, I was totally turned off. Turns out the geekiness was way too true to life. He's supposedly this wholesome Mormon kid, but he's joking around that some kid is his and Cat's? Um, OK. Also, it seems like he's done nothing with his victory. Did he even do the Celine thing? Whatever happened to Nick from Season 1?

Where is Hok from (spelling is courtesy of the Closed Captioning Network, btw)? His accent sounds... British? Australian? Can't tell. Maybe an Asian with British school influences? My mom's cousin's kids grew up in Hong Kong and went to a British school and said things like "Cheerio" and "pip," which I don't even know what means.

It'll be interesting. Definitely excited about next week. Cat is definitely less annoying this year. I like that weird girl who came out of the suitcase. I like that weird guy, too. I don't know why. The pair-ups will be VERY interesting.

Input, fellow dance reality show addicts!

Matthew can stand!

At 13 months and 9 days, the boy finally started standing up on his own. Hopefully the walking will soon follow. Here is videographic proof, taken in our messy bathroom.


Also, I believe someone said they wanted videos of kids being naughty? This isn't premium footage, but it's a sample. Matthew does not like to share. He will turn his shoulder to whoever wants his stuff and grunt defiantly when he has, for example, a good toy, my cell phone, a book that makes sounds, any kind of beverage... Ellie, on the other hand, will share with Matthew about 90% of the time, even if he's just refused to share with her. But no matter what, they still really love each other. Have I mentioned how gratifying that is?


Speaking of, I was talking to Alice and HaYoung about having two kids, the differences between them, and connecting with one more than the other. Both say they connect better with their younger ones. I connect better with Ellie. Wonder if it's a gender thing. Sometimes I look at Matthew and wonder how he came out of me. It's weird, he just repeats, "Mommy mommy" all day, needs me to acknowledge him every 30 seconds or so in the car, only wants me in the mornings and at night, etc.

Obviously I love him to death, but I just don't know how to deal with him sometimes. Unlike Ellie, he doesn't care about rules, obeying, punishment, etc. I remember seeing parents with unruly kids and judging them like crazy. It's not like I don't TRY to discipline Matthew. He honestly couldn't care less if he gets slapped on the hand or taken away from whatever. He slaps my hand back or finds new things to do (aka eat). Sigh. It'll be interesting to see how 1)his personality develops, 2)his relationship with me develops and 3)I'll ever get him to say please.

Hope no one gets the impression I favor Ellie. I'm actually quite attached to my crazy boy these days. Seriously. Love them both to pieces, but in different ways. Didn't understand how other moms did it, but it makes sense now. Ellie is... my sweet girl. She wants to be just like me, wants to make me happy above all else. Matthew just LOVES me, NEEDS me, MUST HAVE me. Both of them drive me nuts in their own way, too, but how can you not love my kids?!