A drawback of motherhood

WARNING: to all males - this entry will contain WAY too much information for those who are moderately conservative. Don't feel obligated to read. Honestly, I don't really care if you do, but whatever.

I've mentioned in the past, I think, that having babies has wreaked havoc on my body. For instance, my hair has become coarser, my rib cage wider, my waistline higher, my skin uneven-er, my vestibular system off-er, etc. HOWEVER, having two babies has declared war on my body. Umm... let me just say I now have the upper body of a pre-pubescent little boy. Actually, make that a pre-pubescent little boy with a lot of gas, explaining the lovely bloating of the lower abdomen. Nice.

We went to Austin and San Marcos last week since Peter had the week off. I went into the Playtex/Bali/Hanes/Jockey outlet to see if I could find something to help me in my situation. What I ended up finding made me only more depressed. Playtex has a line called "Thank Goodness it Fits," consisting of 1/2 sizes and "Nearly A" sizes. I couldn't thank goodness. I'm quite certain that I actually cursed goodness.

I guess really, it's not THAT big of a deal. Obviously more important things are going on in the world, but I have to say that I feel... depressed. Seriously. I think about it daily and consider boob jobs at least every other day. I feel like it's not just an issue of vanity. I honestly feel like I've lost my womanhood. I no longer have a nice tapered waist, my hair is 95% of the time in a ponytail, makeup is a laughable topic... I guess I could try to put more effort into myself, but I'm often just too tired.

There was a Victoria's Secret commercial on last week, and I almost cried watching it, knowing that I will never be able to make use of their product. Sigh. Maybe it's PMS in addition to everything else, but I've been really upset about this these days. I actually miss my little As. I never resented them. I was always quite accepting of them. ESPECIALLY now.

Peter said to give it some time, that maybe some of the fat would return. But that would mean that fat would also show up elsewhere. Some friends say they'd rather be thinner and chestless than fat with boobs. At this point, I don't even know. Maybe I could look into mastectomy bras...

On a lighter note, here's a fun video of Ellie, Matthew and Lauren dancing last night.


And a short clip of Matthew walking. He doesn't do much, and he's going for chapstick. But he walks.