Overwhelmed

I have too much on my plate.

About a week before I discovered I was pregnant, I volunteered to teach Ellie's Sunday school class for this year. Around a week before that, I volunteered to be the wedding coordinator for New Life. I figured Matthew was getting more independent, Ellie was doing great with a large variety of baby-sitters (Matthew loves everyone), and it was time for me to get more involved in ministry. I also wanted to take a flower arranging class and experiment more with cooking.

Then wouldn't you know it, I get pregnant. This actually happened when I got pregnant with Matthew. I started looking into some volunteering positions at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, thinking I could go while Ellie was in school. Then, BAM! Pregnant.

For awhile, I was really struggling. Why would God choose this moment in time to expand our family when I really was excited about getting more involved in ministry? Then someone was telling me about what Anita Carmen had spoken about at a conference. She said that although she is in full-time evangelical ministry now, her full-time ministry for many years was to be a mom, raising her children in a godly way.

So then I accepted that that was my lot for the next few years at least. And I was fine with that, really. Spend time with my kids when they're babies and in their most formative years, mold them into strong characters, prepare them for the world... After a week or so of struggling, I resolved in my mind and heart that this is what God wanted.

EXCEPT... here I now am, teaching Ellie's Sunday school class, creating a church wedding policy, shopping for dressing room furnishings, meeting with the coordinators/brides/wedding parties of the two August weddings, and now even going to meetings to plan the JCS portion of the New Life Retreat, at which I somehow volunteered to lead a preschool session.

Is this what God had in store for me? Not only raise my kids, but be actively involved in ministry? I don't know if the decisions I made were the right ones. I'm feeling DARN overwhelmed and completely exhausted these days. Thank goodness Peter had this weekend off, because I was at church all weekend. Friday I was setting up my classroom, furnishing a dressing room for the bridal party, meeting with the bride, then rushing home to get the kids' materials ready for house church. Saturday morning was pretty lax, then I went early to church to help get ready for the wedding. Sunday morning was a meeting with next weekend's wedding coordinator, JCS meeting, church, retreat meeting, then house church village picnic. Needless to say, I'm tired.

I guess I need to be pickier about how I choose to get involved. Obviously I should be more prayerful, because I don't think this is what God intended for my ministry (complete exhaustion and the desire to surrender). So if you see me with bags under my eyes or stress on my face, you'll know why. Ugh.