I survived.

Ellie's first day of school was yesterday. OK, it wasn't really her first day of school, as Peter kept pointing out. First day of Mothers' Day Out, but still. First day being apart from me, aside from when I had Matthew. I thought I might cry when she went in, but I was positive I'd lose it if Ellie cried. Neither of us did, so that was good.
Everyone was saying not to worry, that she'd love it. I wasn't ever really worried about her. I was more worried for me! In fact, Ellie was too excited to go into class to notice me almost crying. A tiny evil part of me was hoping she would cry, just to validate her need for me, but all the other moms were saying I need to be grateful that she liked school. There were a heck of a lot of other kids crying. I'm sure I would've been a complete mess if she had cried.

Her analysis of the day included the following facts: she had five friends, two boys cried and "that" (pointing to a girl) did as well, she did paint, Mrs. Meier read a story, they sang Wheels on the Bus, she tried and tried to pee pee but couldn't, she likes the assistant teacher more than the head teacher, the color of the week is red (true) and sometimes yellow and orange too (not true), and she and Hannah were good girls, not naughty girls.

Anyway, I needed some time to process it, and I think I'm OK now. My baby is truly growing up. She's potty trained, she goes to school, she has chores, she knows her birthday and how old everyone in our family is (BTW, Peter is 25 for some reason), she knows how to use the remote to get Dora from the DVR... Sigh. Clearly, she still loves me the best. What's funny, though, is that she's somehow learned to be diplomatic. Peter was home today, and we were all just chatting. I go, "Ellie, who's your most favorite person in the world?" She looks at us and says, "Both of you." Nice.

What is up with my unhealthy attachment issues? Lucky for me Ellie is more independent than I. She actually has an ideal amount of attachment to and independence from me. She wants me around, but is fine if I'm not. Not that I don't appreciate my time away from her, but I like hanging out with my little girl. She cracks me up. The other day she asked me, "Mommy, I talk constantly?" The answer would be yes.

So now that I'm over my depression (for the most part), I think I'll start really valuing the time away from her soon. After all, it is called Mothers' Day Out. How interesting it'll be to only need the single stroller. And now that Matthew's bigger, I can bring the single umbrella stroller. Weird. I'm going shopping tomorrow.

So thanks, those who worried about me. I made it! Oh, and Ellie did fine, too. :)