A day in the life...

I Heart NKOTB

2008-01-12T21:27:00.000-08:00

I know I don't usually update this often, but I was strangely cheered up by listening to my New Kids on the Block CD (which I purchased in college) while Peter had the kids. I've been kind of grumpy and stressed these days, but the simple act made me feel a lot better. So I've decided to share why I believe Jordan, Jon, Joey, Danny and Donnie perk me up.

I don't know if it's nostalgia or whatever. Maybe it's because it's the first album I ever bought (and listened to night and day, to which my brother can enthusiastically attest). Perhaps it's that it reminds me of childhood, of worriless days gone by. Could it be that it's because the New Kids made unusually compelling music? Highly doubtful. But I unabashedly claim that Hangin' Tough is my favorite album of all time.

I find the cheerfully nonsensical and grammatically incorrect lyrics, which normally drive me nuts, rather charming. In Cover Girl, there's a part that goes, "Girl, you know you're my kind. You're just what I like. Girl, you're everything. Don't you know you're all right? The only girl I've always needed for so long." What?!!? That's so nonsensical that it's hilarious. It's not even like they needed a specific rhyme or anything. In I'll Be Lovin' You, it goes, "I'll be lovin' you forever, just as long as you want me to be." So does that mean if the girl requests that he not love her anymore, that it'll stop? What's the point of using the word forever then? Good job, lyricists!

I like the random switching of chest voice to falsetto of Jordan Knight. He sings certain lines in falsetto that are lower than lines he sings in chest voice, especially in I'll Be Lovin' You. The best part is, his falsetto is not even good. Then there's Joey, who was in the band before his voice changed, so everything sounds falsetto with him. Nice try, guys!

I like the innocent sense of hope and faithfulness in the songs. Donnie says he'd like his Cover Girl to stay with him and be his bride. Where is he now, 20-something years later? Probably not with his Cover Girl. Probably living in the shadow of little brother Marky Mark. But hey, he was in Sixth Sense for about 3 minutes. Not bad, Donnie!

I like the fact that about half the band was horribly unattractive. Danny looked like a gorilla, Jordan has crazy fangs, and Donnie just looked dirty all the time. They were 5 random scruffy kids from Boston. They had different dance styles that didn't work together, their voices didn't necessarily blend, and some never got to do solos. So crass, so rough-around-the-edges. Noble effort, boys!

Mostly, I liked their dance moves. I have a video of them somewhere in VHS format that some college friends and I copied for our performance of Right Stuff my freshman year. Sure, N'Sync was a close competitor for boy band of my heart, but I will always remain faithful to my New Kids.

Increasing Anxiety

2008-01-11T20:45:00.000-08:00

"Are you ready?"

That's the first question a lot of people have been asking me lately about my pregnancy. Let me tell all of you - the answer is a loud resounding no. Ready for another surgery? No. Ready to have a newborn again? No. Ready for breastfeeding? No. Ready to have 3 kids at home? NO. Ready to not be pregnant anymore? Well, that's a definite yes. My usual response is, "I'm ready to get the baby out of me, not ready at all for the baby to be out."

I have less than a month before I'm a mother of 3, and my nervousness is increasing daily. Here's a list of some of my specific worries:

My surgery/recovery won't go as well as last time.
I'll go into labor earlier than my scheduled C-section (which is already 2 weeks ahead of my due date).
I won't bond with the baby as easily as the past since I've been too busy and tired to be into this pregnancy.
Matthew will completely freak out when he has to leave me at the hospital.
The kids' sleep schedules will be all out of whack again from me being gone a few days, my in-laws living with us again, and everything being crazy.
Ellie will completely lose her nap due to the craziness of our schedule and me not being able to drive her around until she falls asleep every afternoon (I know, high maintenance).
I won't be able to hold Ellie and Matthew for 6 weeks after I give birth.
Matthew will smoosh or injure the baby when trying to be gentle.
I won't get to spend quality time with each kid.
Ellie will get in one of her naughty moods just as I come home from the hospital (or worse yet, when I'm still at the hospital).
Somehow we have to get Matthew out of the crib before the baby gets too old.
My body will never go back to normal. I look at my butt and cannot even fathom it shrinking back to normal (which was big to begin with).
I'll get my tubes tied, be sterile by 30, and regret it like crazy.
I won't get my tubes tied and be pregnant again by the end of 2008.

This is a pretty complete list. The priorities of these listed things change depending on my mood. Obviously, I'm mostly worried about Ellie and Matthew and not being able to do things with them. Especially Matty, who's the biggest mama's boy, still just a baby, and completely incapable of understanding what's going on.

Ellie totally got it when I had Matthew. Thankfully, 8 other babies preceded Matthew and we visited almost all of them in the hospital (Baby was in Eemo's tummy, now there's baby right there). If you ask Matthew, he'll tell you Baby Bodder is in Mommy's tummy, but he also has a baby bodder in his tummy, as does Ellie's baby dolly. Anyway, I'm concerned for my crazy boy and his separation anxiety with me. Not being able to hold him is going to KILL me. I LOVE putting him to bed, rocking and singing with him, praying and cuddling. He's still in a crib, so I won't be able to lift him into it. SAD! I'm getting all depressed thinking about it.

Yeah, so no - I'm not ready to have this baby. Not in the least. But ready or not, here he comes!

Sinful

2008-01-02T16:56:00.001-08:00

My daughter is sinful.

The end.

No, just today was a bad day. She was super whiny and attitude-y. I was already lamenting the fact that my sweet girl had gone naughty on me when she really put me over the edge. She kept deliberately disobeying me; I told her to stop kicking something, and she kicked it even MORE while staring at me and yelling, "NO!" I got all upset and told her she needed to obey (which she did eventually) and apologize to me. At this point, she refused to apologize to me, so I got upset and told her I wasn't going to play with her until she apologized (it didn't sound spiteful the way I said it, more like... fair).

So FINALLY after a lot of crying and screaming, she gives in and apologizes. I calm her down and tell her that when she disobeys and refuses to apologize, it hurts my feelings.
Me: You don't want to hurt Mommy's feelings, do you?
Ellie: Yes, I do.
Me: Uh... excuse me?
Ellie: I WANT to hurt Mommy's feelings.
Me: Ellie, that's so mean to Mommy! Why would you say such a mean thing? Why would you want to hurt Mommy's feelings?
Ellie: Because I don't like you.

At this point, I'm so riled up from her previous naughtiness and so hormonal and emotional that I start crying. I mean, obviously she's doing this to get a reaction out of me. I know she loves me and wants me to be happy and such, but I dunno. I just kinda lost it. So now she's upset that I'm crying, but her little pride will not allow her to simply apologize.

So I ask calmly for an apology, again explaining why she'd hurt my feelings. She calmed down, then refused to apologize again. Finally after about 10 minutes (I'm holding her and cuddling her at this time, by the way), I tell her I'm going to get Matthew from his nap, and that she could stay on my bed until she was able to apologize. She starts screaming repeatedly, "I WANT TO SAY SORRY!" But of course, when I stop to give her the opportunity, she sits silently, chewing on her hair.

MAN! What pride! What sinfulness! It makes me think of how I was growing up. I seriously didn't become aware of my sinfulness until college. I used to think my "testimony" was that God had protected me from big sins and allowed me to live a life that was pleasing to him. How naive, just plain wrong, and embarrassing now that I think about it! Most people see Ellie and she's sweet and happy and kind, likes to share, knows all the answers in church, etc. But geez, this girl is STUBBORN, she refuses to give in, and won't apologize, even when she's sincerely remorseful!

Anyway, this incident put me in a bad mood, so Peter took the kids out for dinner so I could vent and be alone. When Ellie found out I wasn't coming, she asked why. I told her I needed to be alone because I was in a bad mood. She asked why again, and I replied that she'd hurt my feelings earlier and made me sad and cranky. She responded, "But you're the best mommy in the world! It's OK, Mommy. Don't feel bad. Just come with us, OK? Don't be sad." That made me feel somewhat better, but I was still just needing to be alone.

So here I am, alone, reflecting on the sinfulness of my daughter and trying to figure out where I went wrong. :(

Sibling Rivalry

2007-12-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

So as the birth of this third baby, still nameless, is quickly approaching, my fears are quickly increasing. Some of my apprehensions this time around are definitely new; will we end up with a minivan after all? How will we handle being outnumbered by the kids? Will Matthew smoosh the baby? Can we ever travel again? Will one of my children finally look like me?!

One of my biggest apprehensions is having two boys so close in age. Most people know that Peter and his brother Paul have been fiercely competitive all their lives. The competition lives on in adulthood, although on friendlier terms now (although the occassional fist fight over Boggle was not out of the question, even post-college). Part of the problem is that they are so close in age, I think they just developed pretty much at the same time. Also, they're both naturally competitive. Also, they're both boys.

I don't know how much I can blame on the gender, actually, because I know quite a few competitive little girlfriends of Ellie. But in general, Ellie is super mellow. She rarely feels threatened if Matthew gets more attention. Rather, she's the first to show off his new skills. When he does silly things, she laughs the most. When he discovers new developments, she cheers him on. As I've said in the past, she really is the best big sister ever. She will be competitive with some of her friends occasionally, but almost never with her brother.

HOWEVER, my crazy little guy is ridiculously competitive with Ellie. Anything she does, he has to do, too. If you ask him, he'll tell you he can skip, jump, do backwards somersaults off the couch, shuffle (a tap dance move), help cook, read, and play computer. I think he truly believes in his mind that he is capable of doing these things. If Ellie ever does anything that gets a cheer or laugh, he immediately responds with, "Mommy, watch," and attempts to do it himself. If Peter is romping around with Ellie, he has to be a part of it. If she's cuddling with me, he tries to pry her off me and take her spot.

Unfortunately for Ellie, Matthew actually IS able to do some things better. She is not the most coordinated little girl, maybe partly due to the fact that we didn't really teach her to throw or kick or anything. But at his age of 1 1/2 and her current age of 3 3/4, he's probably a little more coordinated than she. He catches balls better, has better gross motor skills, can aim when he throws/kicks, etc. Sad. She doesn't seem to mind, but I think his motor skills will overtake hers soon.

So with Matthew already in rival mode, how will my two boys respond to each other? I used to tell people I hoped that this boy would at least be mellow like Ellie, but based on his activity level in utero, it seems highly unlikely that will be the case. Will I be able to handle them? My family was not big into arguing or fighting. There was a lot of silent treatment going on rather than yelling, so I don't know what I would do if both of these two end up being hot tempered (as Matty already is).

Everyone says boys are different. Not too sure if I'm excited to see that come into fruition. I'm so the mom of a girl, you know? I like dressing up and playing makeup and stuff. Sigh. What am I going to do with two boys?!

Exhausted

2007-12-01T19:44:00.001-08:00

What a day! We spent the day in Galveston, going first to Dickens on the Strand, then heading out to Moody Gardens for the Festival of Lights. Here's a list of tips for anyone attempting these two activities with a toddler and a preschooler:

Nap the toddler beforehand. The toddler slept only about an hour ALL DAY on the way there and was quite the crankypants.
Wear comfortable shoes. Cute flats that are comfortable to wear to dinner are NOT comfortable to wear during miles and miles of walking.
Feed the children a healthy breakfast. Know that the rest of your food consumption will include smoked turkey legs, candy thrown from a parade, fruit punch, funnel cake, deep-fried flowerin' onion, samples of steak (random), samples of peppermint mochas (fed to the children by their pediatrician father), banana bread, and kettle corn.
Don't let Daddy give your children anything containing espresso. Makes for an exhausting and spazzy next few hours.
Recharge the batteries for your camera. Many photo ops missed today.
Don't attempt any of this when in your last trimester of pregnancy.

Actually, it ended up being a fun day. We ran into the Douglases soon after the parade and hung out with them the rest of the time we were on the Strand. The kids had fun together, the adults had fun together. Good times. Despite the chaos, we do enjoy doing stuff like this with our kids. Thank goodness for the double stroller. Ellie said that once the baby is born, we'll have to get a triple stroller. OR the kid could just learn how to walk. That works, too.

Fortunately, the kids fell asleep on the way home. Amazingly, they didn't fall asleep right away, which Matthew would normally have done. Guess it was the shot of espresso that kept him up and running.

So I was driving home with the radio on Sunny 99.1 Christmas music and the kids asleep, and I just had this overwhelming sense of... overwhelming. I remember when I first had Ellie, I felt so spiritual about the entire process. It was such a miracle, so amazing, so God-driven. Then when she was about 4 months or so, I went through this period of shock and dismay - this baby was going to be with me for the REST OF MY LIFE. There was no escape! I couldn't give her back to anyone. She was utterly MY responsibility.

I didn't have these feelings with Matthew. I think I was just too busy to stop and just think about things like that. I had mostly guilt issues, many of which are creeping back into my thoughts these days. My crazy middle child. How am I going to give him the attention he needs? (BTW, he's hit his terrible twos with full force. I seriously don't remember Ellie being this wild, even in the peak of her terribleness.) Is he crazy because I'm neglecting him?

I sometimes feel overwhelmed with responsibilty regarding my kids. They are MINE, to mold and shape into responsible, caring, considerate individuals. I must discipline them, train them, teach them to love Jesus. I have to supply them with nutrients (and not espresso), ensure they get sufficient sleep, clothe them in matching outfits, take care of their teeth, and sing them endless songs. I must keep them clean, understand their speech, share in their joy and pain, and record Yo Gabba Gabba for them. I need to have rituals, traditions, and experiences that will build happy memories in their minds. Whoa.

It's weird, but I like the overwhelming feeling sometimes. I feel... right about it. Sometimes I feel like it's God convicting me that I'm doing what He wants me to do, despite my tiredness and my constant state of pregnancy. I'm so thankful for the reasons that I'm exhausted, because I love doing stuff for and with my kids. So maybe my house is NEVER clean except for about 30 minutes after the cleaning ladies come. Maybe I'm not cooking as often as I should, especially over the last several months. But I love my life, even when Matthew is hitting Ellie for no reason or throwing his body on the ground because I told him he couldn't eat toothpaste. Even when Ellie is asking why CONSTANTLY or won't cooperate at bedtime. Today, for no reason, Matthew gave me a barrage of kisses. And he was so thrilled about his pony ride he couldn't stop beaming. Ellie was a perfect angel today, not complaining about anything, but earnestly delighting in everything she saw.

Really, who am I to complain? Of course, I say this during a moment of sappiness and revelation, but let's get real. I'm not REALLY going to stop complaining. I'm tired, I'm heavy, I'm uncomfortable, and I'm impatient at times. But truly, deep down inside, I know I have an awesome life. Even with 20 extra pounds on me.

Updates

2007-11-19T16:56:00.000-08:00

Sheesh. I feel like a lot is going on in our family's life. We've been crazy busy the past few weeks, with just extreme amounts of busy-ness yet to come. Here are some updates for the few who are interested.

Me: I'm now in my 3rd trimester. As people keep telling me, I've busted out. I feel quite large. My sciatica (is that how you spell it?) is acting up when I get up from a lying position. I actually collapsed the other day. I'm tired all the time, similar to the first trimester, which has made me cranky. The whole guilt thing about neglecting my kids is back.

I had my test for gestational diabetes today. As a precautionary measure, I refrained from sweets for about 15 hours beforehand. Could you imagine if I wasn't able to eat carbs for the rest of the pregnancy?! I'd die. I discussed my delivery today with the doctor, which freaked me out. It's coming so soon! ACK! So not ready. Any name ideas? So far, it's just Baby.

My house is a constant mess, and I'm completely lacking the motivation to maintain cleanliness. I will attempt dishes and laundry, but at this point, picking up toys is not worth the effort. I feel grumpy. A lot. On the upside, I got 3 pairs of cute flats at this weird Foot Locker sale for $9.99 each! That was fun. And I AM excited about the holidays. I love Christmas. I love the weather, I love the shopping, I love the decorations up since Halloween. It makes me happy. And I have three weddings coming up. Although they take up a lot of my time, I really enjoy doing the wedding coordination stuff.

Peter: Peter is crazy busy at work. They added another doctor recently, so in addition to the regular growth of their practice, being on call is slightly ridiculous now. He gets calls almost every night, whereas he'd get maybe one nighttime call a week a year ago. The phone is constantly ringing, it feels like.

In addition to work busy-ness, he's organizing the youth retreat again, attending the Monday night shepherds' Bible study (translated from my Dad's curriculum), and shepherding our HC. And, of course, playing scrabulous on facebook. Actually, that's dwindled since he beats people so bad no one wants to play with him anymore. Including me. Especially me.

Peter is getting old. He'll be 34 in a couple of weeks, but it seems like he's getting injured all the time. I have to keep reminding him his bones are getting brittle and his body ain't what it used to be. He tried staying out late to hang out with some old college friends the other day, and they all fell asleep watching a movie (scaring me to death when I woke up at 4:54 to find him not home).

Ellie: Ellie had a blast with the eemos while we were gone in Chicago, but didn't get enough sleep. That was over a week ago, but she's been having sleep issues since. It's been made clear that she totally isn't ready to skip naps completely as she passes out at 6 on nap-skipping days, and is Little Miss Cranky Pants from about 3:00 on. It's great when she goes down at 6, except she wakes up super early, too.

Ellie is still the best big sister I know. She is getting really excited about the baby, although she told my mom that we definitely can't have any more after this one because she'll be too busy. She tries to teach Matthew new "tricks" and words all the time, and is just... sweet. Yesterday at church we talked about being thankful for the things God gave us, then later that night she declared, "Mommy. I'm so thankful for all the pretty things. I want to pray and thank God for them. Dear God, thank you for all the beautiful things you made for me to look at. Like the clouds, and the flowers, and the trees, and all the stores. Thank you for making these wonderful things. In Jesus' name I pray, amen." Wasn't that deep? What 3-year old things to thank God for things to look at? Seriously.

She is also Little Miss Rule Follower, following in Mommy's footsteps. She always has to confirm Peter's decisions with me, and strictly maintains her two TV shows a day rule. She told me Kudos didn't count as breakfast (I was in a hurry) because they have chocolate and a lot of sugar. She didn't eat some sweet thing offered to her because she'd already had a cookie earlier. Sigh. A legalist after my own heart.

Matthew: Matthew is 100% obsessed with trucks. I'm thinking we'll have his birthday party at a construction site. On the road the other day I was pointing out excavators to him, and he goes, "Mommy Mommy! TWO eckacacors." (At which point Ellie said, "ACTUALLY, there's THREE excavators," but Matthew calls anything more than one as two.) My mom bought him a mail truck toy at the post office today, and he was going nuts. He didn't let it go for about 3 hours straight. He can identify excavators, cement mixers, mail trucks, scrapers, and dump trucks. Everything else he calls "BEE guck" (big truck).

Matthew also talks nonstop, which can be tiring. It's mommymommymommy all the live long day. He wants to listen to a particular song (if he doesn't like it, he says, "no no no gong" until I get one he likes), he has to have a particular book, he will only eat particular things. He tells me daily, "Mommy BIIIIG butt." But his talking is mostly funny. He'll say bless you when people sneeze, and he loves to say hello to the guards at the neighborhood gate, any drive through people, people in the elevator, and people in cars next to us. He loves to sing, consisting mostly of moaning until it gets to a word he knows. (Jesus uh me uhhhhhh know. Uhhh Bible uhhh so. Uhhhhhhhhhh ong. Uhhhhhhhhh tong.)

He can count to 5, recognizes blue and yellow, knows the words to a bunch of songs (including the Yo Gabba Gabba theme song), does a lot of animal sounds, can identify about 5 different types of trucks, distinguishes not only the balls (baseball, football, basketball) but the games on TV, prays by himself (Dee Gaw, tak oo Mommy Daddy Ayee. Pay, amen.), remembers names of people really well, thinks he can skip and jump, and is almost at the point of voluntarily sharing. Almost.

Whew! Did you get through all that? I'm exhausted just typing it, let alone living it. Anyway, that's what's up with us. Wish me luck getting through the holidays and my last trimester. Come February, things are only getting crazier!

Ages and Stages

2007-11-02T09:02:00.001-07:00

I remember before I had kids, I'd look forward to playing with my favorite ones at church every week. I remember being excited that the Hwangs moved to our neighborhood so I could see Abby. I remember Wesley running to "Meemo" every Sunday and requesting to take him home with us. I remember asking Jonathan to pick us up from a trip and bring Justin so we could see him.

Then, slowly but surely, these babies grew up. They became more independent, they liked me less, they were more interested in playing with their friends, and frankly - became a little less cute. Not less attractive, physically speaking, but less like babies. Let's face it - I, like many people, prefer babies.

So it's making me sad these days that Ellie is at that age where she's outgrown babyhood. I see my friends, some of them Ellie's most loyal eemos in the past, losing interest in her. Honestly, she's at the age now where I start losing interest in other kids. Conveniently, I have Matthew, who's at one of the most fun stages. He recognizes people, remembers things about them, and says and does all kinds of entertaining things. She doesn't seem resentful or jealous when people pay attention to him, but she is more sensitive towards certain people (Sandy, for example) if she gets ignored.

My poor big girl. Even I find myself looking forward to hanging out with Matthew more sometimes. I mean, of course I love my daughter. She's an awesome kid - so smart, so sweet, so funny, so loving. But Matthew is just ridiculously cute right now. The 1-2 year old stage is my favorite, hands down. I wonder if she senses it, though. In the past couple of weeks, she's become a lot clingier to me. I hope I'm not subconsciously pulling away from her or anything. I'm actually making concerted efforts to talk about her as much as I do about Matthew, spend alone time with her, etc. I try to make sure that others acknowledge her when we go places, and I try to give her the spotlight as much as possible.

I'm worried about two things now once the baby comes. #1 - Will Ellie become even MORE neglected/ignored? Will she fade even more into the background as she becomes the nurturing big sister? Or maybe jealousy will kick in this time around as she demands attention. That would not be good, either. And #2 - How will it be for Matthew in two years when the baby is all cute, he's getting boring, and he's the woeful middle child? He won't be the baby, and he won't even be the only boy. At least Ellie has the only girl thing going for her. Sigh.

So if you see my family, please make sure you acknowledge my semi-neglected daughter in between laughing and cuddling with my crazy boy. Sad!

On a lighter note, I discovered that I can fit three real carseats (not just a portable booster) in the backseat of my car. Hopefully the minivan will not be a necessity for this not-even-30-year-old mom anytime soon! Hooray!

I like my kids.

2007-10-24T19:15:00.000-07:00

Of course every parent thinks the world of their kids, but I really like mine. They're so funny and cute and smart. Is that uncool to say? Whatever. My children just happen to be entertaining and charming and intelligent. Not my fault. Actually, I guess it is, to a certain extent. Anyway. So I'm cocky. I'm fine with that.

As I've mentioned before, language development in babies/children just INTRIGUES me. I think that's why the 12-24 month stage is my favorite. Matthew has new vocabulary everyday, which is always hilarious to discover. The other week I was changing his diaper and said, "Oh, Matty. You pooped a lot!" To which he replied, "Teenky. P-U!" Today he found Ellie's Princess wallet and said to me, "Pincess. Munny. Ayee's." (Translated - This is Ellie's Princess wallet with money in it.)

He has decided that he likes the word "butt." He likes to point his own out, as well as other family members'. Ellie and I were singing hokey pokey in the car, and he kept making us sing, "You put your butt in, you put your butt out, you put your butt in, and you shake it all about." If we continued on to the doing the hokey pokey part, he'd protest. So we sang the butt part over and over about 17 times.

I taught him the word "bangu" for farting because he thinks farting is hilarious. (I also taught him to say "excuse me" when he farts, by the way.) At first he kept calling it "poo poo." I don't know if he made the connection between passing gas and pooping, but anytime someone would fart, he'd point to them, giggle, and say "poo poo." Once he was sitting next to me when my stomach gurgled. He pointed to my tummy and said, "Baby poo poo." But now he says "bakoo" and differentiates between it and pooping.

Ellie, who's a talking maniac, cracks me up because of the things she says that are just not 3-year old appropriate. Not that she says inappropriate things, but some days I swear she's 16. She's picked up on using the words "like," "so..." and "well." Well, in particular, she's using at the beginning of EVERY sentence. For example -
Me: Ellie, what did you do at school?
Ellie: Well, I, like, played with Hannah and did painting and, like, a lot of other things.
Me: Did you have a job today?
Ellie: Well, Emma was supposed to be the door person, but she went home early. So... like, I was door person after that.
Me: Oh, what happened to her?
Ellie: Well, she was feeling kinda, like, sick? So... she went to the office and well, I think her mommy picked her up. But she should be OK. I think it's just a virus.

Yes, my daughter is well aware of viruses. Of course, it's not that impressive because she thinks EVERYTHING is a virus. When Matthew and she were barfing last week, I told her I think I'd caught the virus from her that she'd gotten from Matthew. She said, "No, but Daddy was sick first, so I think he gave Matthew the virus, then Matthew gave me the virus, then I gave you the virus." I asked, "When was Daddy sick?" She answered, "Remember? His muscles were all hurting? So... that's when he was sick, and he made the rest of us sick." (She's referring to his extreme soreness following the softball tournament.)

I told her this afternoon that Peter and I were going to be out of town for the weekend in a few weeks and that Sandy Eemo and Weenie Eemo (LeeAnn) were going to come and have a sleepover party and stay with her and Matthew. I'd been putting off telling her about it because I didn't want her to get upset, but she replied, "Oh! Well, I love Sandy Eemo and I love Weenie Eemo, so... I should be just fine." Then when I was telling Peter what she'd said, I also included her following statement which was, "I should be ESPECIALLY fine with Sandy Eemo." Peter chucked and asked, "Ellie, did you say that?" She says, "Or SOMETHING like that," realizing that I hadn't quoted her verbatim. Hmm... I wonder where that analness for accuracy in story telling comes from?

Matthew's obsession with balls and trucks delights me because he's such a boy. The only book he wants to read is his Trucks book where it just shows pics of different trucks and their names. He points out EVERY truck (guck) when we're driving (including pick-ups). He can differentiate between booball (football), beeball (baseball), and bakaball (basketball). He slept with his football last night.

Ellie is the ultimate Mama's girl. We've been just sitting and chatting for at least an hour everyday. We talk about all kinds of stuff. Last night she requested we have family talk time, just so she could chit chat with me and Peter (during which she decided to name the baby Aby the Baby). She's so interesting. She just THINKS all the time and comes up with all kinds of ideas. I love listening to her thoughts.

Seriously, aren't they cute? Just delightful. I'm so thankful for them. Here's to hoping that Aby the Baby will be equally fun!

Dread

2007-10-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

You know what's the worst feeling in the world? Waking up with a sense of dread. What is it I dread? I wish it were something deep, or meaningful at least. Like, I dread facing the sin of this world. Or maybe I dread not living up to my potential as a wife and mother. Unfortunately, it is neither deep nor meaningful. I simply dread wearing maternity clothes.

Obviously, it should not be that big of a deal. Whatever - it's only a few months and no one really cares what I look like anyway. But seriously, for some reason, I just hate maternity clothes. I hate wearing them, I hate thinking about them, I even hate shopping for them. Why? Not sure. Maybe it's because I don't have that much summer-y stuff so I'm limited to the same 4 outifts that I rotate (which, in turn, makes me do laundry more often, which I REALLY dread). Maybe it's because I'm all depressed that my butt has doubled in size and stretched out all my pants. Maybe it's a bit of anxiety about what the maternity clothes represent - three kids, three and under, by 30.

Also, wearing maternity clothes makes you look more pregnant. For some reason, when you LOOK pregnant, people find it necessary to touch your stomach. Why? Not sure, but since I started wearing maternity clothes full time this week, a whole lot of people have been touching my stomach. OK. That's all I have to say about that. I hate wearing maternity clothes.

I'm more than halfway through now, according to my ticker. Craziness.

Wanna be my friend?

2007-09-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

I feel like my generation was skipped with the whole myspace thing. Actually, I guess it's not my generation, age-wise - more like my mommy status. I don't know any other moms on myspace, although I know quite a few people my age. Then again, most of the friends I hang out with are at least 5 years older than I am, even though our kids are the same age. That's what I get for getting started so early.

Anyhow, my brother started working for facebook, so I was "encouraged" by my sister-in-law to join. Since then, I find myself on it several times throughout the day. Mostly I look at the status updates, read some blogs, look at pics, watch videos and play scrabble.

BTW, if you're playing scrabble with me, please make moves more often than once every other day. Scrabble is my outlet, the thing I do when I have some time to myself. When I get on and NO ONE has made a move, it's frustrating. And if I'm not currently playing with you, challenge me to a game! I just beat Eugene Byon for the 3rd time in a row. Heh heh. I ended up clearing all my tiles three times in one game. Craziness.

Anyway, I was online last night trying to find out some info about Spencer from The Hills. (Does he even have a job? He's so slimy and greasy, and it looks like he does nothing but spend money all the live long day.) I ended up getting linked to the myspace pages of some of the people from the show. OK, they have, like, 13,002 friends. What the heck?

Is this a status thing? Do people just like having high numbers on their friends list? Does it make you cool? Personally, I don't really want to know what's going on in the daily lives of many acquaintances. It's fun seeing what close friends or family are up to, but if I hardly know you, why do I want to know about your favorite movies? Or even more than that, why do you want me to know?

Is this selfish? Should I accept everyone as my friend, just because they requested it? I have to confess, there are a handful of friend requests I've ignored. If you're one of them and you're reading this, my apologies. But really, why do you want to be my friend? Do you care that Matthew is undisciplinable? Do you care that Julie is going to fix my glasses for me? Do you really want to know who I'm playing scrabble with?

My parents have asked me repeatedly to explain "in layman's terms" what facebook is. It's really hard to explain to old Korean grandparents! They usually respond, "But why do you want to know what everyone's doing?" Then conclude with, "So it's just another way to waste your time." Which, I guess, it is. I know that I personally never do anything productive or worthwhile on facebook. I got in touch with several people that I'd lost touch with, which is nice, but otherwise, I just mostly play scrabble.

So challenge me to a game! But only if you're really my friend.

Dress up time!

2007-09-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

I don't recall playing a lot of dress up during childhood, but I know one thing - dressing up my kids is RIDICULOUSLY fun. Ellie has had at least 2 costumes per Halloween. Her first Halloween, she ended up being a ballerina. Here she is with Ryan in his pea costume (that I bought him - heh heh heh).

The next year, I couldn't decide between the full-body chicken costume and the semi-lame princess. She took her portrait in the chicken, but ended up wearing the princess for Halloween. The picture of her in the chicken outfit is hysterical. Mostly because she was between 12-18 and 18-24 month sizes, and I ended up getting the smaller one, which was uncomfortably small. Didn't matter since I returned it after taking the pic. How's this for a scary pic - Peter dressed up as a Power Ranger for work. Scary, this one piece unitard thing. I think he enjoyed it more than his patients. Ellie was remarkably not scared of it. She wanted him to keep wearing it.

Then there was last year, aka the beginning of the matching. This is why I had multiple children! Much to my delight, Ellie's a big fan of matching as well, so she was all for the butterfly and caterpillar thing. We ("we" being Ellie and I) are actually thinking of making #3 wear the caterpillar next year, Ellie can again be a butterfly, and Matthew can be a cocoon. We'll have all the stages covered! I did get Matthew a full-bodied costume as well - this torturously hot fleece lion costume which was ADORABLE. He absolutely hated it. Can't say I blame him.

So this year I'm having somewhat of a struggle. I had gotten Matthew this Texas basketball uniform thing when he was a few months old. It was $9.99 at Marshalls, so I had to get it. Anyway, Ellie has her cheerleader costume she wore to Matthew's dol, so I thought they'd wear that and we'd be done with it. Of course, I'm all agitated that the burnt orange doesn't really match the pink and navy blue in Ellie's dress, so I'm debating between getting her a Texas cheerleader dress or getting Matthew a different costume. I found a little football player costume complete with helmet and shoulder pads for around $15. The Texas dress is $22 at Target. Obviously, price-wise, I should go for the football costume, but it's sized 2T-4T. My skinny little man will be swimming in it, but that'll make it just all the more hilarious, no?

My poor kids, suffering in my hands. You know, I have absolutely no problems with Halloween. Fortunately, we're having a Fall Festival at church this year, but I totally would let them go trick-or-treating in the neighborhood. Those were some of my fondest memories from childhood. Actually, come to think of it, I did have fun dressing up as a kid. Past Halloween costumes included a bottle of ketchup, a carrot, a Christmas tree... I don't think I was ever a witch or princess or anything. I know I always wore my ballet recital costume. I guess Ellie could then be an 80s stewardess.

I'm so excited! Hooray for excuses to put costumes on my children!

Happy progress

2007-09-22T18:02:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that things in my life (and my kids' lives) are progressing nicely. Firstly, I am now able to eat fruit again without writhing in discomfort and pain for hours afterwards. Hooray! This makes a big difference in my life. I've been eating peaches everyday.

I am now also officially pregnant looking. I'm pretty sure I'm past the "Is she pregnant or just fat" phase as moms at school are now asking if I'm expecting. Moms who've been there know you don't just ask anyone that question. Unfortunately, I've been too tired (aka lazy) to go through my maternity clothes, so I'm wearing the same 4 bottoms everyday. And my butt has gotten gigantic. So not cute. I'm sure I'm ruining my non-maternity clothes by stretching out the butts and the stomachs. Oh well.

Matthew is somewhat converting to one-nap status. This is good in that the kids sleep at the same time (as opposed to tag teaming, which left me with no breaks). This is bad in that I only get one Matthew break a day. That's actually not that bad, because the boy is fairly good at entertaining himself at home. Another thing is he's getting better at sharing! He actually gave Ellie the last fruit snack today, which shocked both of us. Last week he got his first time out, which seemed to do something for him. He kinda gets it a little better when he's about to be in trouble. I wish I'd videotaped it. It was so cute. Sad when he realized he was being punished and started wailing, but sad in a hilarious way. Ellie and I had to hide because we were laughing so hard.

Ellie is a great big sister. This is not anything that's changed, but it's just a thing I like to talk about. I really lucked out with her. She just adores Matthew and is so good at helping him. Now when he can't do anything, he immediately calls for her. "Ahyee! Ammee!" (Ellie, help me!) Seriously, I'm amazed sometimes at how she'll drop what she's doing to help him, or do something for him, or get him things. She sort of prides herself on being bigger and more capable, which is something I obviously play up. We can't wait to see how she'll be with the baby. Four years is a pretty big age difference. I think she'll be like his second mom. She's this crazy nurturing 3-year old. Even her teacher was impressed that she and Matthew hug and she gives him a kiss before and after school each day.

And finally, I've beaten Eugene Byon at Scrabulous in both games we've played. I don't know why victory against him is sweeter than with others, but it sure is! Ha ha ha!

Life is good these days. Can't complain.

Another new stage

2007-09-07T22:14:00.000-07:00

Ellie had her first week of school. She LOVED school last year, but I think she's having a little trouble easing back into the routine, especially going two days in a row (she goes T, Th, F). Hannah's in her class again, which is good. She can tell me all these details about who cried because she wanted to play dress up when it was clean up time, how the Motor teacher got a new classroom, what toys are on the "big kid" playground, what songs they sang, etc. She really is a big girl.

She's going through a weird clingy phase. She just does NOT want to cooperate with Peter these days, and bedtime has become a battlefield again. That is, when it's with him. As Ellie told Daddy, "I ALWAYS cooperate... with Mommy." She said she didn't want to go to school this morning because she didn't want me to leave. Then she had a major tantrum when we were leaving house church. What happened to my mature, easygoing, confident little girl?! Hopefully this is all due to tiredness. We'll see how next week goes.

In the meantime, Matthew has discovered usage of the apostrophe s. He'll go around identifying everything that belongs to Peter in the house. Pager - Daddy's. Palm Pilot - Daddy's. Flip flops in the foyer - Daddy's. Mug used for coffee - Daddy's. Glasses (even if they're mine) - Daddy's. Since Ellie's been gone at school for the past couple of days, he's doing it with her stuff too - Ahyee's.

That's actually cute - he misses Ellie like CRAZY. Either that, or he's completely baffled by her absence in our home. He wakes up from nap asking about her, he keeps patting her carseat, asking where she is. At least a hundred times a day I told him, "Ellie's at SCHOOL." So when he asked for the gajillionth time about her today, I asked him where she was. He responded, "Koo."

And he's THRILLED to see her when we pick her up. He actually ran to the garage today when I said we were going to go get her. Ellie - not that excited. She's more excited to see her friends in other classes, namely Christen and Kayce. It's so sad. He does this opening and closing of his fist when he wants something, and he does it towards her while chanting her name. Oblivous to his longing, Ellie completely ignores him and picks flowers in the grass (which he does not like and won't walk in).

I tried taking Matthew to Little Gym today. I don't know if we're going to stick with it. Firstly, it's right at his naptime. Secondly, I feel like I'm paying money for him to play with balls and get stamps on his hands, as that's all he really cares to do. We'll see. I feel like I should do SOMETHING with him while Ellie's at school.

I, personally, am loving school. I'm loving getting time to myself in the mornings AND afternoons (long days often bring simultaneous afternoon naps!). Unfortunately, I'm not really using my time that productively. I sort of feel like I need to relish ANY time to myself these days, so that's what I've been doing while Ellie's gone. TLC, the Ellen show, eating unhealthy snacks, napping... it's been so nice.

I'm also starting to not fit into regular clothes. I had my first pair of pants not button this week. Granted I'm wearing only low-rise and elasticized waist clothing, but I feel like I'm smaller this time around than I was with Matthew. Actually, I feel like I've popped out more these past couple of weeks, and I no longer can blame gas (although that's still omnipresent in my life).

And it's hot. Not like that's new news, but it really is hot. Will the 90-something degree weather never cease?! Yick.

Beebaw and Akee

2007-08-27T19:44:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today that Matthew knew some funny words. They're mostly words with which most 16-month olds are unfamiliar with. Can you figure them out?
beebaw, teekaw, akee, peekah peekaw, ah yoo, tattoo

Obviously, the last one is tattoo. He's quite obsessed with them, after having gotten one from the JCS festival a month ago. One time, Ellie scribbled all over her arms, then all over his. He declared these scribbles to be tattoos, so everytime he sees a pen, he requests tattoos to be drawn on him. Ellie also thinks that if you take stickers and wet them on your arm, they become tattoos. So at least one member of my household gets a "tattoo" on a daily basis.

Beebaw? Any takers? That would be lolipop, a word that is near and dear to my Matty's heart. Whenever we go to Peter's office (which is at least once a week), he IMMEDIATELY is rewarded with a beebaw from Sandy Eemo, aka Meemo. For awhile, as soon as he saw Sandy, Matthew would immediately begin his chant of beebaw, beebaw, beebaw until he got what he wanted. NOW all you have to do is mention Sandy's name for the beebaw mantra to begin.

Teekaw? Sticker. I don't know why in the world we have so many stickers at our house, but they are literally everywhere. Floor, walls, kitchen, bathroom, stairs, carpet, bathtub... I remember I used to save my stickers. Peeling them was a travesty - it RUINED them! I don't know why I collected them since they were never really put to use, but I do remember the sparkly ones, scented ones, fuzzy ones and googly-eyed ones being of particular value. Ellie clearly does not share my sticker philosophy. The girl peels and sticks entire pages of stickers within minutes. Anyway, Matthew loves stickers, even address labels, which he will promptly apply to his entire body and whatever other parts of the house are not yet stickered.

Akee? That would be ice cream. We have these plastic ice cream cones from the 99 cent only store. Just a few days ago, he came to me with the pink one yelling AKEE AKEE! I don't know how he knows that word. I guess Ellie talks about ice cream a lot, but we usually eat it either when he's asleep or when he isn't there. We went to Baskin Robbins last night, though, and he was shouting AKEE AKEE until he got... an empty cone. This he relished with delight.

Peekah peekaw? Those with children may be familiar with Barney's clean-up song - Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up, clean up, everybody do your share. I use this song to feebly attempt to motivate my messy daughter to clean up her toys. Somehow it's turned into Matthew singing "Peekah peekaw," carrying a large trash can around, putting stuff in it (like his clean clothes, eating utensils, my wallet), them dumping the trash can out in various rooms of our house. I guess technically, he loves to clean up. That'll be a good thing once he figures out how to do it correctly.

Ah yoo? Where are you? This phrase is used to refer to blankets (under which he hides and calls out, "Ah yoo?") or any object large enough to cover his face, and is sometimes used correctly when he's looking for things. Actually, just yesterday he was calling, "Mommy! Ah yoo?" That was cute. Made me melt a little bit.

He's at such a fun age. Seriously, our crazy boy is hilarious. I love seeing him explore the world, figure out his boundaries, copy his big sister, do some baby problem solving... he spent 5 minutes trying to reach a sticker on the bottom of the trash can by leaning over it and futiley wiggling his too-short arm around in the receptacle. So cute!

Um, I just realized that most 16-year olds don't know some of these words because really, 16-month olds should not be familiar with lolipops, ice cream and tattoos. What can you do with a big preschooler sister? My poor third child will be eating those darn sugar-free lolipops before a year, I'm sure. Ah well. Whatever keeps us sane!

Matthew's strong arm

2007-08-23T10:01:00.001-07:00

Matthew likes to throw. We used to praise him when he threw balls or threw toys. Naturally, he got the idea that throwing is GOOD. Now he likes to throw clothes, throw eating utensils, throw cups full of water, throw food off the highchair... Not so good.

I've been frustrated with my crazy boy these days because he will NOT be disciplined. I don't know what it was with Ellie. She was seriously inherently obedient. She didn't have to get punished at all until she was about 2. Matthew, on the other hand, is not obedient. Not necessarily that he's DISobedient. He does what he's supposed to, generally speaking. But tell him no, and that means very little to him.

I started off smacking him on the hand when he did things like whack Ellie (fortunately, she's the only one he whacks), grab toys from other babies, throw stuff, etc. He'd smile and either smack me back on the arm or start smacking the table. He thought it was a game - a fun smacking game. Good times.

The other day he continuously threw his food on the floor. Each time I'd smack his hand and say no in a stern voice, then explain why that was naughty. Then he'd smile, smack the highchair tray, and throw some more food. All right, I thought after three attempts, that's enough. Time for a spanking. I told him no again, explained that what he did was naughty, then took him to my room and spanked him twice. Pretty hard, I thought. I wondered how he'd react. He paused a couple of seconds, looked at me, smiled, then chuckled.

ARGH! I was so mad! How dare this little boy be so defiant! Laughing in my face at the time of punishment... this was definitely Jung genes. Then Matthew comes up to me, still laughing, and hugs me. That's when I realized. He's not really being mischievous or defiant. Like Peter tried to tell me, he's not a bad kid. He's not mean, he's not aggressive, he doesn't hit (aside from whacking Ellie, which he always immediately follows with a kiss). He's sweet, he's loving, he's social, he's affectionate, and he's endearing. He's just also nuts. My simple happy boy is simply happy. Everything is fun, everything is funny to him. Throwing food? Fun! Playing the smacking game? Funny!

I don't know if this makes me feel better or worse. I felt better with the realization that he actually wasn't being outwardly defiant. However, the realization that it is going to be RIDICULOUSLY difficult to discipline the boy is discouraging. I feel like I need to establish some sort of system with him before the baby's born. I don't want to put him in time out in his crib because he's SO good about going to sleep by himself and hanging out contentedly in bed. I definitely don't want his bed to be a negative place for him. I could try putting him in time out somewhere else, but the boy doesn't sit still when you're holding him in your lap!

If anyone has suggestions, I'm open to them. Sheesh. What a difference between girls and boys.

Seriously, though - could YOU discipline my Matthew? He gives you that goofy grin or a headbutt hug or a slobbery kiss... all anger goes down the drain. Sigh. Raising him is going to be an adventure.

What I Miss

2007-08-20T19:54:00.001-07:00

14 weeks pregnant. The only way I keep track is by looking at the ticker on my blog. Sad.

Most of my friends know I don't enjoy being pregnant. I am consoled by the fact that this will be my last. Unlike those who sappily enjoy every moment of these 9 months, I have no remorse nor regret about never having this experience again.

There are many reasons I don't enjoy pregnancy. My reflux is crazy, I'm extremely tired, it's uncomfortable, and I get really really gassy. Fortunately for everyone I know, I'm one of those prudish people who won't pass gas in front of people, even Peter in most circumstances. Unfortunately for me, that makes for much bloating and discomfort from holding it in. I have to say that when I'm pregnant, I let go of some of the modesty. At least in front of Peter.

SO I miss not being able to eat whatever I want (especially fruit), having a desire to cook, letting Matthew bounce on my tummy, sleeping on my stomach, sleeping through the night without getting up to pee, coffee, and occassional frozen margaritas at Mexican restaurants. Soon I will miss sleeping for more than 3 hours straight, non-elasticized clothes, seeing my toes, holding two kids at once, my bellybutton being an innie and general comfort.

BUT there are things I miss about childlessness even more. Namely sleeping in, not having to force myself to go to bed at a reasonable hour, hanging out with friends anywhere and anytime, getting the opportunity to shave my legs on a regular basis, having time to moisturize after showers, peeing without being interrupted, getting regular haircuts, thinking about things like eye cream without laughing, not having to schedule date nights, having somewhat of a figure and wearing insensible shoes.

HOWEVER, there are things I'm so used to now that I'd never be able to live without. Ellie climbing in our bed every morning, cuddle time, Matthew's sloppy wet kisses, "Mommy mommy mommy," baby naps on my chest, hilarious musings of a 3-year old, observing speech development, supporting Matthew's obsession with Crocs, daily discoveries, baby problem solving, being fed chewed up soggy food, constant hugs and smiles, being a hero...

It ain't a glamorous job, but it's worth it. But still, thank goodness I'm on my last job. I'm tired.

Overwhelmed

2007-08-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

I have too much on my plate.

About a week before I discovered I was pregnant, I volunteered to teach Ellie's Sunday school class for this year. Around a week before that, I volunteered to be the wedding coordinator for New Life. I figured Matthew was getting more independent, Ellie was doing great with a large variety of baby-sitters (Matthew loves everyone), and it was time for me to get more involved in ministry. I also wanted to take a flower arranging class and experiment more with cooking.

Then wouldn't you know it, I get pregnant. This actually happened when I got pregnant with Matthew. I started looking into some volunteering positions at the Crisis Pregnancy Center, thinking I could go while Ellie was in school. Then, BAM! Pregnant.

For awhile, I was really struggling. Why would God choose this moment in time to expand our family when I really was excited about getting more involved in ministry? Then someone was telling me about what Anita Carmen had spoken about at a conference. She said that although she is in full-time evangelical ministry now, her full-time ministry for many years was to be a mom, raising her children in a godly way.

So then I accepted that that was my lot for the next few years at least. And I was fine with that, really. Spend time with my kids when they're babies and in their most formative years, mold them into strong characters, prepare them for the world... After a week or so of struggling, I resolved in my mind and heart that this is what God wanted.

EXCEPT... here I now am, teaching Ellie's Sunday school class, creating a church wedding policy, shopping for dressing room furnishings, meeting with the coordinators/brides/wedding parties of the two August weddings, and now even going to meetings to plan the JCS portion of the New Life Retreat, at which I somehow volunteered to lead a preschool session.

Is this what God had in store for me? Not only raise my kids, but be actively involved in ministry? I don't know if the decisions I made were the right ones. I'm feeling DARN overwhelmed and completely exhausted these days. Thank goodness Peter had this weekend off, because I was at church all weekend. Friday I was setting up my classroom, furnishing a dressing room for the bridal party, meeting with the bride, then rushing home to get the kids' materials ready for house church. Saturday morning was pretty lax, then I went early to church to help get ready for the wedding. Sunday morning was a meeting with next weekend's wedding coordinator, JCS meeting, church, retreat meeting, then house church village picnic. Needless to say, I'm tired.

I guess I need to be pickier about how I choose to get involved. Obviously I should be more prayerful, because I don't think this is what God intended for my ministry (complete exhaustion and the desire to surrender). So if you see me with bags under my eyes or stress on my face, you'll know why. Ugh.

Thinking

2007-08-13T08:16:00.000-07:00

It will be interesting to see what the 2 freed Korean hostages say about the experience. I wonder if the group as a whole knew the entire world was watching them. I wonder how they were treated. I wonder what freedoms they were allowed. I wonder how much of the reporting from the Taliban side was true.

I figure since the entire thing was a mission trip to begin with, they all felt fairly convicted in their faith. Why else would they volunteer to go to such a dangerous place? At some point, even if it were in the way back of their minds, they must have considered capture and/or imprisonment of some sort. Were they trained for such a situation, physically, spiritually, emotionally?

When they were first taken hostage, after the initial shock and horror wore off, I thought to myself that this was an amazing opportunity for them to exemplify to the world faith in Christ. They would stand strong, not back down in their faith, be persecuted willingly for the name of Jesus. They would be a witness to the Taliban crazies that their faith was more than religion or lifestyle, and it would impact them. Then their leader was killed. Then the Taliban demands weren't met, and another member was killed. Then they were all sick, two of them allegedly dangerously ill. What would be their response?

A cell phone message was replayed where one girl is sobbing and begging for rescue, they don't want to die, they don't want to be there, please help them in any way. A Taliban report says that they have been teaching Muslim ideology to their captives, and the hostages are earnestly considering conversion to the Muslim faith.

Me, being the judgmental Pharisee that I am, also never having experienced any type of persecution in my life, was disappointed in them. So much for the opportunity. What good will come out of this trip? Two of them died nobly, serving God, true. What will the lives of the remaining team members be like, especially after they return home?

Then I wondered how I would handle the situation. What would I have said? Would I have done or said anything to ensure my safety? Would I have succumb to pressure, or would I really have had the faith to boldly proclaim what I believe in, no matter what the consequences? Had I been living in Biblical times, would I have endangered myself to stoning or imprisonment for the sake of the name of Christ? At this point, I would have to say realistically, no. I think I would've succumbed and weenied out.

I dunno. My faith is going through a weird thing these days. It's good because it's being challenged. A lot of issues and questions are going through my mind these days, though. I'm looking forward to seeing how God will stretch me and mold me in the days to come.

Dur dur etre bebe

2007-08-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

My junior year of high school we had to translate a song from French to English. The song the teacher chose was Dur Dur Etre Bebe, which translated, means It's so tough to be a baby. Uh... OK. It was like, this 4-year old singing sensation or something. Probably people in France had never heard of the song, but it was some sort of novelty in America. Whatever.

Anyway, it's so fun to watch Matthew as his language skills develop, in addition to his comprehension of the world around him. For some reason, he's become significantly more independent in the past couple of weeks (GREAT for me). He used to cling to me constantly when out in public, but at church yesterday, he was wandering around, letting all kinds of people hold him (especially people with food). What's particularly hilarious is when he tries to talk to these random people. Matthew is ALWAYS talking. About 75% is still incoherent babbling, but he has a pretty extensive vocabulary. For example:

People he knows by name: Mommy, Daddy, Ellie (ah-yee), Grandma (ma-maw), Grandpa (ma-baw), 3 different girls named Abby, Audrey (ahjee), Lauren (rahree), Jojo, Joe, Uncle Paul (uh-paw), Uncle (uh-coe)

Characters he recognizes: Elmo (ahmo), Dora (rora), Blue (boo), Max (mass), Ruby (ooby), Pablo from Backyardigans (pahbo), most elephants (he makes elephant sounds)

Food: Bap, cheese (jee), apple (ah-puh also includes pears, peaches, mangoes, and raspberries), banana (nana), melon (also nana), juice (joo), water (wawa), food (mama), apple juice (ah-puh joo)

Communicative words: up, down (dow), out (ow), ow (ow), open (uppy), please (me or sometimes beese), no no, night night (nie nie), bye, hi, uh oh, all gone (agaw)

Items: shoe (joo), fork (boh), spoon (boo), sticker (teecaw), tattoo (ddaddoo), backpack (bapa), phone (hi), toothbrush (ee), vacuum (also ee), car (caw), baby, camera (jee, aka cheese), train (joo joo), book (beu), ball (baw)

I'm sure there are others I can't think of right now. Anyway, the point is that some are clearly understood. When he points to a ball and says "baw," most people will get him the ball. However, if he sees a toothbrush and is yelling, "Ee! Ee! Me!" they are baffled (translated - toothbrush, toothbrush, please).

Sometimes I forget how young he is or how limited his vocabulary is. Especially on mornings he decides to get up at 6:30, when he's walking around our room requesting different things (usually by yelling, me me me!), I find myself often saying to him, "Use your words!" Except... he doesn't have that many.

We've also been trying to get him to switch from pronouncing "please" as "me" to "beese." I taught him please to be polite, but he yells, "ME ME ME!" at the top of his lungs, sort of negating the politeness factor. He was asking me for gum yesterday, and I said no. He goes, "Me!" I said no again. "Me! Me!" Still no. Then he thinks a minute and goes, "Beese!" I said, "I know you're saying please, Matthew, but you still cannot have gum." He answers, "ME!" in this tone of voice that was like, um, hello? But I SAID please! What's the deal here? Obviously some lessons are yet to be learned.

Anyway, if you ever try to communicate with my crazy boy, hopefully this will help. :) He's so cute these days. He just tickles my heart.

Teeny Tiny Wee Wee

2007-07-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Yep. Definitely pregnant.

I had my first appointment with the OB today. She greeted me with, "Back already?" Well, yes. That does seem to be the case. Based on my last period, I am 10 weeks and 6 days along. Because my cycle had been somewhat irregular before I got pregnant, my doctor thought we'd do an ultrasound to make sure I'm not "further along than we think." WHAT?!!?

Due to some computer error, I ended up having to come back an hour later to get the ultrasound, which was fine because Peter was able to come as well. Ellie was SUPER excited to see the baby on the TV. Matthew was SUPER excited to play with the blinds in the waiting area.

When the tech started, she said I was about 11 weeks and 4 days, which I guess is pretty darn close to what I thought initially anyway. It definitely made it more real - looking at the screen at the tadpole looking thing that was actually moving around quite a bit (great - another active kid). Now it isn't just tiredness and heartburn. There's really a baby living inside of me!!! Crazy. I feel more... maternal towards it now, though.

I joked, "I guess it's too early to see what it is, huh?" She agreed, so I asked whether the baby had genitalia yet anyway. She said they "descend" at 7 weeks, then started looking around. About 5 seconds later, she goes, "There's definitely something between the legs!" I respond, "Could it be... umbilical cord?" She says, very resolutely, "No." At this point, Peter gets really excited and yells out, "It's a boy!" To which Ellie replies, "No. I want a girl." I ask the tech, "What percentage can you give me on this?" She says, "Pretty much a hundred."

Okay, I don't think they're supposed to give a 100% guarantee on the gender, especially this early! What the heck - I'm only about 11 weeks! Most people don't find out until 20 weeks! I guess the thing is that at this early stage, something between the legs can't really be anything else. Then she proceeded to give me multiple angles of the "thing" to further confirm. I don't even get, like a piddly 5% chance she could be wrong? Grr...

So going back to the story, Ellie is growing increasingly more agitated as Peter explains she's having another baby brother. Some of her arguments include: "But I already HAVE a brother." "But I really want a sister." "I don't like any boy names." "NO. I want a baby sister." All I can say is, "I know, baby. Mommy wanted a baby girl, too." She looks at me devastatingly and starts a slow low wail, which quickly escalates to heaving sobs. It was heartbreaking! Then Matthew, who'd been doing nothing this entire time except playing with the blinds, starts sobbing in response to Ellie. I almost started sobbing myself because she looked so mournful! The tech is trying to console her by saying she can name the baby anything she wants, but that just upsets her further.

It's been about 9 hours since we found out now. She's peacefully sleeping in her bed, somehow totally resolved with the idea of two baby brothers. We explained she'd be the only princess in the family now, that God knew she was such a good big sister to baby brothers (her response was, "But I'm only nice to my OTHER baby brother."), that she and Mommy would have to stick together as the only girls... I guess it worked because now she refers to my stomach as "he" and talked to him all day. I have to say, I'm still a little disappointed. Hopefully it'll be a nice mellow boy. If I could combine different characteristics of my two kids for this third:

Mellow like Ellie (We could take her anywhere. Still can.)
Social and friendly to everyone like Matthew
A fast nurser like Matthew (7 minutes max, and he was DONE.)
Sleeping through the night at 7 weeks like Ellie
Easily trainable (sleeping-wise, at least) like Matthew
Good at sharing, nurturing and kind like Ellie
Smiley like both

What I'm preparing myself is more like this:

Colic-y like Matthew (He had to be held anytime he was awake for 4 months.)
Snobby and particular about who he likes like Ellie
A snacker and grazer like Ellie (She'd nurse for an hour if I let her.)
Waking up every 3 hours for many many months like Matthew (4, to be precise)
Unable to fall asleep on his own like Ellie (for 2 years)
Unwilling to share, stubborn and yell-y like Matthew
Grumpy

Not to be a pessimist, but I feel like if I prepare myself for the worst, I can only be pleasantly surprised. What my biggest fear is is that my two boys will be like Peter and Paul as kids, especially regarding the stories of poo smeared on their naked bodies. OK, so they were both cheerful and friendly and stuff, but man - I look at Matthew sometimes with food smeared on his head or every toy in our house strewn about the room and I KNOW that he is Peter's son.

Anyway, whatever he's like, my life is going to be NUTS. Wish me luck!

Cravings

2007-07-25T18:16:00.000-07:00

I took the kids to Hobby Lobby and Walmart today, then came home completely exhausted and feeling sick. Ugh. I can't wait until miraculous week 12. People ask me how this pregnancy compares to my previous ones (PLURAL), and they were all pretty much the same. I get increasingly tired with each one as the number of children to chase around daily increases as well. There was one significant difference in my 2nd pregnancy, and talking to Fay, she had the same experience when pregnant with Lukas. It's so gross and nasty that I won't mention it here, but I wonder if it's a boy thing. I'm going to ask my OB.

Anyway, I couldn't watch everyone eating, but I'd bought some Chicken McNuggets for myself. Peter ended up giving them to the kids, so I sent him out to get me some more. Since he'd be right by Kroger anyway, I also handed him a list of things to get for me:
Flamin' Hot Cheetos Puffs (not regular twisty ones)
Mauna Loa brand dry roasted macademia nuts
pears (for the kids)
Jello chocolate pudding cups
Non-organic pita chips

Gross! I'm just excited that the thought of these foods, even over an extended period of time, doesn't sicken me to my stomach.

Ellie had a BAD day today. She started it off whining, which is never a good sign. She just whined about everything, tried to boss me around, complained and was just plain defiant. I ended up turning around on our way to Peter's office and shutting her up in her room. She eventually ended up falling asleep on the floor, entwined in her bumper (she uses it like a body pillow). That girl! She rarely has days like that, and today was definitely not a day where I could be particularly patient with her.

THEN Matthew, who's had diarrhea since last Monday, diarrhea-ed on the kitchen floor. I was changing his diaper and saw his flaming diaper rash, poor baby. I let him walk around a little to air it out, and it seriously had been about 3 minutes. Then I was lying on the floor in my room when he started crying. I sent Ellie out to check on him, and she said, "He barfed." Knowing he actually didn't barf, I ran out to see him sitting mournfully in a puddle of runny poo. SO SAD! Broke my heart, it did. Then I stuck him in the bathtub, and all was well again. He's amazingly cheerful for someone who's had the runs about 5 times a day for over a week.

YES! My nuggets and other requests are here. Time to eat (and face the consequences later).

The clash of my brain and stomach

2007-07-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

I was looking at that 50 foods thing again, and it made me feel sick. It'd be interesting to do it again with how I feel at this exact moment. Most of the things would be completely blank as I have no desire to eat anything. I don't crave anything (OK, I was craving salami and cream cheese sandwiches earlier this week - random). It's the strangest thing. I crave... not eating. Like, I REALLY would like to not have to eat. Unfortunately, I know I have to, and also my stomach starts burning if it's too empty.

So sometimes I think about certain foods, and part of me is thinking, "Yeah! That'd be good!" Then immediately after that thought, I cringe at the idea of eating it. So, is that my brain saying I want something and my stomach disagreeing, or vice-versa? I think it's more of a clash between my brain... and my brain. I dunno.

Those who know me know I don't do sick very well. Fortunately I have an immune system of steel. When everyone else in my family is sick, I very rarely get the bug. Thank goodness for that, since Peter tends to get EXTREMELY sick when he's sick at all (fever, shivering, the whole nine yards). UNfortunately, when I do get sick, on those rare occasions, I am the biggest baby ever. Uh... I've been feeling sick now for over a month straight, 24/7. NOT handling it well, to say the least. My poor family.

Every day is an adventure - will it be a good food day? A functional day? A completely exhausted and non-eating day? Who knows? Yesterday I did all this laundry in the morning and ate Chick Fil-A for lunch, scarfing down almost all my fries and all my nuggets. I was all excited that I seemed normal again. Then by the time I got home, I had NO strength and couldn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

Today I cooked dinner for the first time in awhile because Bobby came over to practice the JCS skit. I made chicken galbi, which completely grossed me out. I also made kimchee jun, which appealed to my brain but not my stomach. As usual, I made rice in the downstairs guest bathroom so I wouldn't have to smell it. Then after I served dinner, I had to leave the table because looking at the food made me feel horribly ill. Ironically, Peter had a stomach bug, so he was hardly able to eat (the one time I actually make Korean food, too), Matthew is currently on hunger strike, and Ellie wasn't even home. What a waste.

Right now, I really want a pickle. Specifically, the pickles they give you at Jason's Deli with your sandwich. Last time we ate there, the pickle was incredibly delicious. I actually sat and ate pickles and ice cream and felt like a total cliche. WHOOPS! Don't want that pickle anymore. Ew. Gross gross gross, pickles. See how I work? So annoying.

Does anyone care?

2007-07-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

This is from my brother's page, who got it from Clara. This is a lot to read through, but kinda interesting to think about. Since I don't like food at all these days, I'll have to dig through my brain to get some of these answers.

1. Favorite Main Entree: Hmm... probably steak.

2. Favorite Salad: I usually like baby spinach salads, with strawberries, pecans, and poppyseed dressing. The Wanton Chicken Happiness at Sweet Tomatoes is also yummy.

3. Favorite Soup: Butternut squash bisque (with cream in it).

4. Favorite Appetizer: Tuna tartare at Peter's friend's wedding at the Boston Four Seasons. I stalked the waiter.

5. Favorite Dessert: Cappuccino cheesecake and fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

6. Favorite Fruit: Cuties when they're in season (they're horrible out of season). I can't eat ANY fruit right now b/c of reflux, so even thinking about it makes me feel ill.

7. Favorite Vegetable: Broccoli.

8. Favorite Sashimi: Toro at Sasabune, which apparently is too commercialized now.

9. Favorite Sushi Roll: I know it's lame, but Spicy Tuna. Sorry, sushi snobs.

10. Favorite Soda: Canada Dry Ginger Ale. Schwepp's is disgusting.

11. Favorite Non-Alcoholic Beverage: Hazelnut blended latte or Talking Rain Berry Flavored sparkling water.

12. Favorite Alcoholic Shot: Buttery nipple (girlie, I know).

13. Favorite Alcoholic Drink: Frozen margarita during a Houston summer when out with the girls. Yum.

14. Favorite Cake: Jungle Cafe cappuccino mousse cake - we got it for Alice's 30th birthday. Talk about yum.

15. Favorite Pie: Banana cream.

16. Favorite Ice Cream: Haagen Daaz coffee.

17. Favorite Milkshake: Huh? Not a big fan...

18. Favorite Cut Of Beef: Hmm... what's the other side of the porterhouse at Taste of Texas? I like that one.

19. Favorite Cuisine: Ew. Again, thinking about most food makes me gag right now.

20. Favorite Part Of Chicken: Breast, but starting to like the dark meat, too.

21. Favorite Fried Food: In-N-Out fries.

22. Favorite Cookie: Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chip.

23. Favorite Indian Curry: What?

24. Favorite Gum: Orbitz Spearmint - it really does make your mouth feel like you've just brushed! I'm chewing CONSTANTLY these days.

25. Favorite Candy: Ghiradelli Milk Chocolate Squares.

26. Favorite Crepe: Nutella and banana in Paris.

27. Favorite Sandwich: Turkey and avocado on white.

28. Favorite Pizza: The Fuzzy's Special, although I pick half of the toppings off.

29. Favorite Mexican Dish: Tamales (which actually sound really good right now).

30. Favorite Vietnamese Dish: Bo Luc Lac - I like the dipping sauce.

31. Favorite Korean Dish: I was into Dak Dori Tang until I got pregnant. Now I have complete aversion to anything Korean. Ugh.

32. Favorite Chinese Dish: Peking Beef at Kokiri Mandu. Probably not authentic, but SOOOO yummy.

33. Favorite Filipino Dish: I doubt I've ever had any Filipino food ever.

34. Favorite Southern Food: Crawfish etoufee, which I happened to have for dinner tonight.

35. Favorite Instant Noodles Brand: Kong Ramen, which they don't sell anymore. Too nastily unhealthy? Probably.

36. Favorite Juice: Grapefruit.

37. Favorite Snack Food: These days, Bold and Spicy Chex Mix. Settles my stomach.

38. Favorite Fish: I recently discovered Tilapia. It's the only fish I buy these days. So many options of preparing it.

39. Favorite Cereal: Cinnamon Life.

40. Favorite Pho: Small number 2.

41. Favorite Breakfast Food: Waffles and whipped cream with bacon on the side.

42. Favorite French Food: Pain au chocolate (aka chocolate croissant) that I ate everyday in Paris.

43. Favorite McDonald's Food: Chicken nuggets with Spicy Mustard sauce.

44. Favorite Pasta Dish: Usually just lasagna.

45. Favorite Bread: The French bread at Pappadeux, which is the reason I had dinner there tonight.

46. Favorite Tea: Doongooleh cha.

47. Favorite 7-11 Slurpee Flavor: Yuck.

48. Favorite Hershey's Kiss: Hugs with white and milk chocolate.

49. Favorite Flavor of M&Ms: Plain.

50. Favorite Candy Bar: Snickers or Caramel Twix.

OK, this was super boring and almost painful to go through. Sorry.

Ugh

2007-07-16T19:28:00.000-07:00

That word describes how I've been feeling the past week. No strength, no energy, no desire to eat, and just ready to not be pregnant anymore. Can I be ready for this when I'm only 9 weeks along, you ask? Well, seeing as I've been either pregnant or nursing for pretty much the last 4 years straight, yes - I am ready to have my body be my own again. I'm definitely getting my tubes tied after this one.

Anyhoo, I was planning on writing all this stuff about our trip, but I have no energy to do much more than complain. I'd like to share, for those of you who were just longing for more inappropriate information about my body, things that are going on with my body. For instance, I am breaking out in little eczema patches all over my arms and legs. Random. I actually developed this rash under my wedding ring, and the skin is all scaly and peeling. I haven't been wearing my ring, so now I look like an unwed teenaged pregnant mother of two.

I have no strength in my arms or shoulders. Like, my body is constantly exhausted, but I feel it most in my arms. I can't hold Ellie for more than a couple of minutes, Matthew maybe 5. I had to do 7 loads of laundry today, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be sore.

I have constant heartburn. This happened both times before as well. My reflux doesn't seem to be as bad this time, although it's still omnipresent. A constant burning of the esophagus is not fun. I think that as a result of the reflux, also, I have a constant yucky taste in my mouth. Ellie is loving it because now I always have gum.

I am constipated as anything. Strangely, when I got pregnant with Ellie, I actually became quite regular. Probably for the first time in my life. I stayed that way until Matthew was born, then returned to my normal ways. Now I'm even worse. I feel all plugged up. I want more than anything to poo. I actually spend quite a bit of time on the toilet, trying to convince my body to do its business, but it is seldom successful. I need prune juice.

I'm just so TIRED. I think when I first found out I was pregnant, it was a combination of many things - sudden forced caffeine withdrawal, low blood sugar (from lack of eating), anemia (from being pregnant and not taking prenatals), and then making a placenta. I'm hoping this will resolve itself in the second trimester, but I'm thinking that chasing Ellie and Matthew around only add to the exhaustion. Matthew, especially.

I know I'm better off than those women who barf constantly or are bedridden by nausea, but I'm the biggest weenie and have an incredibly low tolerance for... suffering of any sort. Actually, that's not true. I totally don't mind being in crazy villages in Mexico where goats eat your toilet paper in the outhouses. I guess I just have a low tolerance for... the first trimester of pregnancy. OK, I better stop. I'm annoying myself now.

Musings on California, Part 1

2007-07-11T10:30:00.000-07:00

We just got back from our week-long trip to SoCal yesterday. We all slept in this morning, Matthew (who wakes up at 7:00 on the dot) slept until a luxurious 11:15.

The trip made me think a lot. Mostly about how I dislike LA and would never live there, how unjustly beautiful and idyllic San Diego is, how we're never going to be able to travel with three kids, and how I'm definitely no longer Californian.

First of all, I'd like to proudly share that I SURVIVED the trip. We knocked out two theme parks, slept at least two hours less than normal per day (the kids, I mean), and even ate Korean food. The day before we left, I was so exhausted and out of it, I was convinced Peter would have to take the kids to Legoland on his own. I was also afraid of barfing on the plane, not being able to eat anything, and being non-functional. I don't know if it's because we kept busy, but I had almost all good food days and attended both theme parks.

Another proud announcement was that Ellie was almost always good. She had one day with tantrums, but the rest of the days, she cooperated and behaved. Even at Disneyland, she didn't once complain about standing in line or waiting. We actually waited the longest to meet three princesses (about an hour), and she was so excited the whole time she didn't even think to complain.

Disneyland, by the way, went remarkably well. We got in around 9, rode a bunch of rides where we didn't have to wait, then did the whole Princess thing for a couple of hours (genius marketing, the Princess thing). We went to our hotel at 1:15, slept until 4:45 (miracle that everyone cooperated with this), came back to the park at 7, hardly waited in lines for anything, and ended up riding, like 11 things. We also missed the peak heat and peak line lengths, which was great. The weather was actually pretty cool in the morning, and definitely cool in the evening. Ideal.

NOT ideal was being on an airplane with Matthew. He had a 40-minute tantrum on the way there. We booked a 9pm flight, thinking the kids would sleep the whole time. Unfortunately, Matthew is only able to sleep by himself in a crib. He didn't want me touching him, but he didn't want me to put him down. He was so exhausted, but he couldn't sleep. It was really sad, actually. Finally he fell asleep around 11 Houston time, then woke up when we got to the airport (and ran into Matt, strangely). On the way back, we brought on a carseat and strapped him down for 3/4ths of the flight. That worked out better for everyone, except Peter then had to hold Ellie the entire flight. See, we just need to get him his own seat, which means we have to pay more and split up. Argh. No easy solution. I guess don't travel anymore. That'd be easy.

Now we are all happy to be home. Peter has today off, so we're having a really lazy day. Matthew was THRILLED to see his toys and sleep in his bed. He was running around excitedly all night last night, yelling, "Ball! Backpack! Ball! This!" at everything. Then he slept 13.5 hours. I have tons of laundry and unpacking to do. Better get to it. I'm feeling too lazy to write anything else.

In conclusion - good trip. I'm thankful it was so good since we seriously aren't going to be able to travel as a family for many years to come...

Here's my favorite picture from our trip. Matthew, post-brunch at the Huntington Garden tea room, his scalp smothered in various fruit juices and creamy sandwich fillings, is ready for a nap. Good times.

Ah ha.

2007-06-27T14:03:00.000-07:00

I guess it wasn't really PMS.

I guess the prayers of a three-year old are powerful and effective.

I guess I won't need to look into mastectomy bras (at least not for the next couple of years).

I guess that's why I was peeing every half hour.

I guess we'll get that lightweight double stroller after all.

I guess our next car will not be a camry.

Oh my goodness.

A drawback of motherhood

2007-06-25T14:18:00.000-07:00

WARNING: to all males - this entry will contain WAY too much information for those who are moderately conservative. Don't feel obligated to read. Honestly, I don't really care if you do, but whatever.

I've mentioned in the past, I think, that having babies has wreaked havoc on my body. For instance, my hair has become coarser, my rib cage wider, my waistline higher, my skin uneven-er, my vestibular system off-er, etc. HOWEVER, having two babies has declared war on my body. Umm... let me just say I now have the upper body of a pre-pubescent little boy. Actually, make that a pre-pubescent little boy with a lot of gas, explaining the lovely bloating of the lower abdomen. Nice.

We went to Austin and San Marcos last week since Peter had the week off. I went into the Playtex/Bali/Hanes/Jockey outlet to see if I could find something to help me in my situation. What I ended up finding made me only more depressed. Playtex has a line called "Thank Goodness it Fits," consisting of 1/2 sizes and "Nearly A" sizes. I couldn't thank goodness. I'm quite certain that I actually cursed goodness.

I guess really, it's not THAT big of a deal. Obviously more important things are going on in the world, but I have to say that I feel... depressed. Seriously. I think about it daily and consider boob jobs at least every other day. I feel like it's not just an issue of vanity. I honestly feel like I've lost my womanhood. I no longer have a nice tapered waist, my hair is 95% of the time in a ponytail, makeup is a laughable topic... I guess I could try to put more effort into myself, but I'm often just too tired.

There was a Victoria's Secret commercial on last week, and I almost cried watching it, knowing that I will never be able to make use of their product. Sigh. Maybe it's PMS in addition to everything else, but I've been really upset about this these days. I actually miss my little As. I never resented them. I was always quite accepting of them. ESPECIALLY now.

Peter said to give it some time, that maybe some of the fat would return. But that would mean that fat would also show up elsewhere. Some friends say they'd rather be thinner and chestless than fat with boobs. At this point, I don't even know. Maybe I could look into mastectomy bras...

On a lighter note, here's a fun video of Ellie, Matthew and Lauren dancing last night.

And a short clip of Matthew walking. He doesn't do much, and he's going for chapstick. But he walks.

FINALLY

2007-06-12T21:54:00.000-07:00

Matthew is FINALLY walking. I don't know what in the world took him so long. He's been cruising since 8 months, so it was never an issue of physical strength. Even when he was a week old, he wanted to stand up on straight legs. Here's the play-by-play of his walking progress:

8 months: Matthew begins cruising constantly, frustrating himself (and Mommy) because he WANTS to walk and can't.

10 months: proficiently walks holding on to fingers of adults. "Any day now!" Except not.

12 months: my self-imposed deadline comes... and goes.

12 and a half months: he is able to walk holding just one hand (although he initially continues to side step, as though he's still cruising).

13 months: to the day (May 25), Matthew takes a few steps in front of our entire house church.

13 months and two days: Matthew starts standing up on his own... and then sits.

13 months and six days: At Little Gym, he stands up completely nonchalantly and takes four very confident steps before falling. Totally random.

13 months, one week and two days: Matthew takes ten steps, his new record. He continues to experimentally try several steps at once, laughingly falling to the ground each time, then ending with applause for himself.

13 months, one week and four days (today): He begins using walking as a means of transportation. He's still very aware that crawling is much more efficient, but I'm hoping each day will bring more walking and less holding of many many pounds of wiggly mass.

So we're pretty excited at our house about this new development (Ellie kept reassuring me that Matthew would walk "maybe when he's four"). But man, if we thought he wreaked havoc as a crawler, I can't even fathom how much more chaotic our house will look once he gets it down.

He's discovered standing on things, so he'll push stools, books, Ellie's toy microwave, etc. over to something he can't reach in order to get higher. Today he was THIIIIIS close to grabbing my chef's knife off the counter. ACK! I'm kinda proud that he figured out how to boost himself, but it's pretty scary, the things he attempts sometimes. What's funny is he has no idea how to get down. He'll be standing on this little footstool, get whatever he wanted (usually food), then start crying because he's stuck. A little sad, but mostly funny. He hoisted himself onto the coffee table today on his tummy. His feet were about an inch and a half away from the ground, but he couldn't figure out how to get down.

So next time you see Matthew, he will officially be a toddler. Finally.

Wait! That's kinda sad! I won't have a baby anymore... just two toddlers. Actually, Ellie's pretty much a kid now. She says, "I'm almost a grown-up!" Sigh. Let me just stop you now before you say it, I'm NOT pregnant nor do I plan to be again anytime soon. I just really love having babies...

SYTYCD, first of many

2007-06-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

OK. Just finished watching. What do we think about Lacey? Will she suffer from bitter repercussions from those who were upset about her brother? Too much favoritism because of him? I'll admit, I was into Benji, but when I saw him return to the auditions, I was totally turned off. Turns out the geekiness was way too true to life. He's supposedly this wholesome Mormon kid, but he's joking around that some kid is his and Cat's? Um, OK. Also, it seems like he's done nothing with his victory. Did he even do the Celine thing? Whatever happened to Nick from Season 1?

Where is Hok from (spelling is courtesy of the Closed Captioning Network, btw)? His accent sounds... British? Australian? Can't tell. Maybe an Asian with British school influences? My mom's cousin's kids grew up in Hong Kong and went to a British school and said things like "Cheerio" and "pip," which I don't even know what means.

It'll be interesting. Definitely excited about next week. Cat is definitely less annoying this year. I like that weird girl who came out of the suitcase. I like that weird guy, too. I don't know why. The pair-ups will be VERY interesting.

Input, fellow dance reality show addicts!

Matthew can stand!

2007-06-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

At 13 months and 9 days, the boy finally started standing up on his own. Hopefully the walking will soon follow. Here is videographic proof, taken in our messy bathroom.

Also, I believe someone said they wanted videos of kids being naughty? This isn't premium footage, but it's a sample. Matthew does not like to share. He will turn his shoulder to whoever wants his stuff and grunt defiantly when he has, for example, a good toy, my cell phone, a book that makes sounds, any kind of beverage... Ellie, on the other hand, will share with Matthew about 90% of the time, even if he's just refused to share with her. But no matter what, they still really love each other. Have I mentioned how gratifying that is?

Speaking of, I was talking to Alice and HaYoung about having two kids, the differences between them, and connecting with one more than the other. Both say they connect better with their younger ones. I connect better with Ellie. Wonder if it's a gender thing. Sometimes I look at Matthew and wonder how he came out of me. It's weird, he just repeats, "Mommy mommy" all day, needs me to acknowledge him every 30 seconds or so in the car, only wants me in the mornings and at night, etc.

Obviously I love him to death, but I just don't know how to deal with him sometimes. Unlike Ellie, he doesn't care about rules, obeying, punishment, etc. I remember seeing parents with unruly kids and judging them like crazy. It's not like I don't TRY to discipline Matthew. He honestly couldn't care less if he gets slapped on the hand or taken away from whatever. He slaps my hand back or finds new things to do (aka eat). Sigh. It'll be interesting to see how 1)his personality develops, 2)his relationship with me develops and 3)I'll ever get him to say please.

Hope no one gets the impression I favor Ellie. I'm actually quite attached to my crazy boy these days. Seriously. Love them both to pieces, but in different ways. Didn't understand how other moms did it, but it makes sense now. Ellie is... my sweet girl. She wants to be just like me, wants to make me happy above all else. Matthew just LOVES me, NEEDS me, MUST HAVE me. Both of them drive me nuts in their own way, too, but how can you not love my kids?!

At least I didn't yell.

2007-05-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm not a big yeller. Maybe it's because my family didn't really yell growing up, maybe it's because being with Peter has made me eerily calm in times of frustration, maybe it's because I'm remarkably patient with my children. But today, I really wanted to yell. I didn't, because I'm not a yeller. But I wanted to.

We dropped off my car at the dealership yesterday to take care of a bunch of random weird things. Note: don't get a Volkswagen. They suck. I told Peter to call ahead and tell them we were coming in. He didn't, so when we got there, they told us that there was no way they'd get to it today, but that we could leave it overnight. Peter said that'd be fine, then we listed our grievances (five), and Peter said he only wanted things fixed that were under the seven-year warranty we'd foolishly purchased (which I'm sure will end up being NOTHING, as has been our experience in the past... well, six years). They guy said he'd call with an estimate. He has yet to call.

So with one car, we decided today would go as follows: The kids wake up at 8, as usual. We feed them, clothe them, brush their teeth, get them out the door at 8:45. Drop Peter off at work, then go visit Lynette in the hospital, then go back to Peter's office at 10:00 so Ellie could give Hailey emotional support at her appointment. Then go to Grandma's so Matthew could take his morning nap, and Ellie and I would go to Costco to shop for house church tomorrow. Eat lunch with Grandma and Grandpa, then have Ellie fall asleep on the way home for her nap, and put Matthew down an hour or so later for his afternoon nap. By the time they wake up, it'd be 4:00, then we could play with the grandparents until time to pick up Peter around 5:30 or 6:00. Come home, eat dinner, hang out with Joe, HaYoung and the girls (in town for Gene's wedding), put the kids to bed, watch So You Think You Can Dance.

Here's what happened: We wake up at 8:25, completely startled that neither child is awake. Ellie wakes up at 8:35, goes in Matthew's room, wakes him up, turns off his nightlight, leaves the room, and scares him so that he's screaming bloody murder. 8:45 only Peter is dressed, Ellie has taken a giant dump in her overnight Pull-Ups, Matthew is inhaling his 8 oz. of warm milk. 8:55 Ellie is dressed, I'm brushing my teeth, Matthew is crying because I'm not holding him, Peter is attempting to load the children into the car. 9:10 we drop off Peter late, then drive around in multiple circles to find a parking spot. 9:20 we get to Lynette's room, where Matthew insists on eating a cookie I brought for the boys. Then another. Then he proceeds to throw several pieces of dduk on the floor. 10:00 we get to Peter's office, where Ellie successfully convinces Hailey to not only get measured (she refused to do so at her 3-year exam), but get a physical exam as well (Peter had them both lying on the exam table together).

10:40 we get to Grandma's. Grandpa is home, so Matthew is ridiculously excited to see him. After 5 minutes, I put him in his pack and play, and he screams at the top of his lungs for 15 minutes. I give up and let him play. 12:00 Grandma returns home, we decide to go out for lunch. Ellie is already whining and complaining due to tiredness and general crankiness. 12:45 We get to Santong snacks, where Ellie announces she does not like the food and will not eat. Matthew takes the filling out of two giant dumplings, throws them on the floor, and smooshes up the rest of the pieces all over himself. 1:45 we leave, Matthew falls asleep on the way home. 2:00 I drive Ellie around to make her fall asleep (and to pick up a latte). 2:10 Ellie wakes up as I move her to a bed at Grandma's. She stays in bed for half an hour, but sings and talks to herself the entire time. 2:40 Matthew wakes up, due to Ellie's loudness.

3:15 I take Ellie to Costco while Matthew stays with Grandma (who feeds him constantly for the next hour and a half). We end up buying ridiculous amounts of food. 4:15 we get back to discover Matthew nearly delirious, but extremely hyper. I spend the next hour entertaining them and keeping them out of Grandpa's hair, as he is trying to get some work done. 5:15 I call Peter to discover he will not be done for another hour or so. 6:15 I call Peter to discover he will not be done for another hour or so. 6:16 I angrily lament not putting Matthew down for a nap, but decide the children will fall asleep in the car on the way home.

6:30 tired Grandma kicks us out of the house, saying she will give Peter a ride so I should just take the children home. Ellie has a fit, saying she wants to pick up Daddy. 6:45 I begin driving around, trying to get the kids to fall asleep. Ellie insists on talking the entire time, despite my threats, and keeps both of them awake. 7:15 we pick up Peter, then drive home with both children awake and ready to play. 7:30 Matthew is placed as lovingly as possible in his crib, after which he proceeds to scream bloody murder for 15 minutes. Ellie is playing to her heart's content. 7:45 I warm up some milk for Matthew, feed him, put him to bed, then announce to Peter that if I have to put Ellie to bed, I will lose it. Ellie overhears and starts freaking out that she wants Mommy to put her to bed. I calmly threaten to go on a trip and not come back for a week if she continues such behavior. 8:00 Peter takes her to get some food and theoretically drive her to sleep. 8:59 (now) he comes home with a finally sleeping child.

Not a good day. I still haven't eaten dinner. I just keep thinking of all the things I have to do... Not a good day. At least I didn't yell. That was the highlight of my day. Argh.

Video updates

2007-05-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

I haven't uploaded any videos lately, so here are a handful for the enjoyment of a select few...

I said before that Matthew loves Ellie the bestest. He also thinks she's the funniest. (3/28)

Here we are celebrating Matthew's actual birthday at Grandma's house (4/25)

Matthew loves corn. A lot. (5/12)

Thanks to a year of ballet, Ellie can do the conga. (5/15)

Also- HOORAY! Matthew took 3 steps in a row today, while holding a cup, nonetheless. Of course, I tried to recreate it on video, but someone would not cooperate. Fortunately, our house church witnessed it so I won't be accused of "guji mal." Relief! I guess he won't be crawling through kindergarten after all!

A story about Matthew and Daddy

2007-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there were two boys named Matthew and Daddy. One day they decided to look for Mommy. They couldn't find her anywhere because she went to Target. So they decided to go to Target. But they went the wrong way. They went left, and Mommy went right. So they went right. But Mommy wasn't there. She was doing laundry. So they went to the laundry room. Mommy wasn't there, either. Mommy wasn't ANYWHERE.

Where was you in the story, Mommy?

I don't know, Ellie. Where was I?

Oh! Mommy was getting a cake for Matthew. Matthew decided to look for his big sister. He said, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! I found her!" And Daddy comed. And I said, "Oh! I'm celebrating my birthday today. It's March and I'm celebrating my birthday at school. At school I celebrate my birthday." The end.

Another reason Houston sucks

2007-05-14T18:35:00.000-07:00

So it's officially summer here, and I'm dreading the next six months or so. Last week, I got sweaty from putting the kids in the car IN OUR GARAGE AT 11 IN THE MORNING. People say Houston's a great place because you can golf year-round, but really, summer is so hot it's nearly intolerable to be outside. We've already gone swimming three times, and Ellie has already gotten dark. It's going to be a long next few months (especially with school out after Tuesday).

I've actually been keeping up with my One Year Bible reading this time around. Like, I'm on May 14. I'm pretty proud. Anyway, I was reading a couple of weeks ago and came across this passage that I really liked. I think growing up in California, I was a lot more exposed to nature. I forget where I heard about this, but I remember hearing at some retreat or something different ways you experience God. Some through other people, some through the Bible, through prayer, etc. One way was through nature. I think I heard it at a retreat in Texas, so I think I was the only one who felt that I experienced God through nature. I feel so sad for my kids who will think mountains look like small hills with faces like in Dora. Boo.

But Psalms 104:5-22 reads:
He set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved.
You covered it with the deep as with a garment; the waters stood above the mountains.
But at your rebuke the waters fled, at the sound of your thunder they took to flight;
they flowed over the mountains, they went down into the valleys, to the place you assigned for them.
You set a boundary they cannot cross; never again will they cover the earth.
He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains.
They give wayer to all the beasts of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst.
The birds of the air nest by the waters; they sing among the branches.
He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work.
He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate- bringing forth food from the earth;
wine that gladdens the heart of man, oil to make his face shine, and bread that sustains his heart.
The trees of the Lord are well watered, the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.
There the birds make their nests; the stork has its home in the pine trees.
The high mountains belong to the wild goats; the crags are a refuge for the coneys.
The moon marks off the seasons, and the sun knows when to go down.
You bring darkness, it becomes night, and all the beasts of the forest prowl.
The lions roar for their prey and seek their food from God.
The sun rises, and they steal away; they return and lie down in their dens.
Then man goes out to his work, to his labor until evening.

I think I commune with God well when I'm in the midst of His creation. There's such an overwhelming sense of his omnipotence and sovreignty, you know? I don't mean to sound hokey, but nature really is amazing. I wish there were better ways of experiencing nature here, but alas - it's Houston. We go to the indoor playground at the mall and swimming pools with sand around the edges. Like Peter always says, it makes us appreciate our vacations more. Sad. Houston stinks. Sometimes literally.

Ellie is the favoritest

2007-05-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Although he is only one year and one and a half weeks old, Matthew is already full-swing into wanting to do everything big sister does. I got them matching sippy cups, but he will only drink out of Ellie's. He MUST have Horizon chocolate milk from the box, he CANNOT live without a lick of popsicle, and if he doesn't get a taste of cotton candy, he WILL die.

Tangential story: We went to Amazon Grill with Chris and Fay plus kiddos on Friday in lieu of house church because everyone else was out of town. We let Matthew eat whatever we were eating (Ellie's pizza, plantain chips, tortilla, etc.), as he has done since he was pretty much 8 months old. Then the girls got free cotton candy with their kids' meals. Seriously, Matthew was throwing a fit because he didn't get some. So of course, being the lax parents that we are, we gave him a little. Surprise! He liked it.

Anyway, there was a family sitting next to us. A snooty-looking couple with their son who looked like he was about 18 months old was quietly and calmly eating. Their son was being spoon-fed Earth's Best jarred puree and Yo Baby yogurt. (Matthew, in the meantime, was joyfully throwing bits of french fries all over the table and ground.) I could FEEL their judgment on us. Serious glares in our direction. Peter happened to be wearing his Blue Fish Pediatrics shirt, and was hoping that they weren't patients of the practice. Whatever. Our kids are super happy, as anyone can attain to. :)

So Matthew is currently on hunger strike. He is eating about 10% of what he normally does. I discovered, however, that he will eat anything he feeds himself with a spoon or anything that Ellie feeds him. This is bad in many ways. First of all, he is completely lacking the ability to eat with any utensils whatsoever, so getting him to scoop out rice and soup with a spoon and put it in his mouth leads mostly to mushed soggy rice all over Mommy. Secondly, it takes Ellie FOREVER to eat when she's only feeding herself. Now it's triple the time because she wants to feed Matthew, too. Then she ends up not eating her own food. Argh.

Matthew will obey whatever commands Ellie gives. I tell him to say please, he starts yelling demandingly. Ellie tells him, he immediately does it. She tells him to say ah so she can shine a penlight in his mouth, he obeys. He comes when she calls, he does Happy and You Know It motions, he laughs on command. For Mommy? Sometimes a high five. If he's in a good mood.

The other day, Peter was leaving for work. Ellie was sitting in my lap, getting her hair done. Matthew was sitting across from us. Peter gave everyone kisses and left. Matthew puckers up and goes, "mmm mmm" to Ellie. She kisses him. He laughs, then does it again. I say, "Aw, Ellie. Matthew wants kisses from his big sister! Isn't that sweet?" She kisses him again, he laughs. I go, "Kisses for Mommy!" and pucker up. He smiles, puts his arm around my neck and gives me a head butt. BOO.

I guess I should be happy that he loves Ellie so much, but you know what? I'm MOMMY, gosh darn it! Isn't there a rule that Mommy is the favorite? I'm sort of starting to suspect that Matty will not be a mama's boy after all. I'm glad about that, because I don't want a wussy for a son, but sort of sad, too. He was all rebellious towards me this week, which was a little emotionally trying. Hope it's just a phase.

But really, I am glad that he loves his sister. It's so amazing to see their interaction, her complete nurturing of him, and his adoration of her. I'm really grateful to have such loving kids. They're the best. :)

My latest random obsession

2007-05-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

There's this show on TLC called Jon and Kate Plus 8. It's a story of a family with two six-year olds and six two-year olds. Yes, that's right. A set of twins and a set of sextuplets. The dad is Asian, which makes it more interesting to me. The show was actually originally on Discovery Health, so most episodes were filmed last year. I guess two seven-year olds and six 3-year olds is not nearly as interesting, nor catchy.

Anyway, they are pretty interesting. The mom is this super anal clean-freaky nag monster. The dad was only 29 at the time, and he was always bickering with his wife. Honestly, watching the show you can't help but swear they hated each other. But it's almost in an endearing way. Hard to explain.

So since I'm all into this family, I of course went and looked up as much as I could find on them online. Unfortunately, there is very little available. I think all the info is from 2004, when the show aired. What I DID glean was that the family was very strong in their faith. In fact, it's their faith that holds them all together, amidst the chaos and craziness. They actually went to speak at a church in Fresno on the last episode, which I thought was random until I discovered they were actually Christian.

If you go to their website, you see how their faith led them through most of their decisions, especially the decision to not go the "reduction" route and abort several of the vital fetuses. Their faith keeps them afloat when they discover she has PCOS and has to undergo infertility treatments and when they have 6 newborns that require constant feeding, changing and holding. Now, especially more than ever, their faith keeps their marriage intact when they almost never get to be alone, at least not when they have any energy left over.

They show a shot of the mom when she was almost at the end of her 2nd pregnancy (she didn't make it full term, of course). I think she was bed-ridden because she was only able to lie on her back for a few seconds. Her tummy was so protruded, she couldn't reach the end of it. Sick. She actually ended up getting a tummy tuck that some plastic surgeon donated to her or something.

This family is very intriguing to me. Partly because of the mixed race thing, partly because of the ridiculous number of children, partly because of the constant nagging/bickering in the parents' relationship, partly because of their faith. One thing I read that the wife had said kinda bothered me, though. She said it was God's will for us to be fruitful and multiply, so infertility obviously wasn't the plan for their lives, therefore justifying the route they took. As much as I respect their faith and the role it plays in their lives, I totally disagree with that. There are so many examples of God purposefully making women barren for whatever reasons in the Bible. Whether it was to later glorify Him through a miracle, or punishment for sin, or a trial to make the woman turn to Him in faith, infertility definitely has a place in God's plan. Not that I'm saying I disagree with their decisions or anything, but that statement in particular sort of rubbed me the wrong way.

Anyway. I really like this family. I want to meet them and take care of them. I'm all attached to the children and want to, like, cuddle them or buy them presents. I feel emotionally involved in their lives. Isn't that weird? A little too much? I find them very likable, especially because of the bickering. So much more realistic to be that way. There are those crazy cultish Christian families with the 16 children who make up their own church in their house and stuff who are so, "La dee dah! We love having this many children! We are completely organized and no one ever fights or doesn't get along!" This family is more like, "The children will probably be the death of us," and "Aiden, did you bite Colin?" and "Mommy is boring and Daddy is fun."

It's on Monday nights on TLC. Watch it. I like it.

My Big Man

2007-04-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Matthew's birthday. We had a little party for him at Grandma's. Party, meaning Grandma made dinner, I made a cake and Ellie gave him some new sippy cups for a present before Peter left for rehearsals.

His words now consist of: Mommy, Daddy, mama (food), bap (food again), jeejee, ayah, duckie, cheese (chiss), please (eesh), fish (also eesh), bath (ba), baby (bahbee) and bubble (bubby). Sometimes he says Matty, but I don't think it means what it's supposed to mean. Today he said magic, and was pleased to death with himself. We think he sometimes says Ellie, although we can't say that for certain.

He started pretending (mostly that different objects are food), he can feed other people, he can blow on command, he throws away his dirty diapers in the Diaper Champ, and he can do all three verses of If You're Happy and You Know It (clapping, stomping, hooray). Any object rectangular in shape is a phone. He gets mad if there are buttons that he is not allowed to push. His favorite thing is still pulling the cord on the fan at Grandma's house.

Matthew still loves everyone and lets pretty much anyone hold him (although he's started this clingy phase when we're at home that requires me to be in his eyesight at all times). He "hugs" people by resting his head on their shoulder or lap, including his baby friends. He open-mouth kisses, but only when he's in the mood.

He knows what's his and sometimes gets mad at Ellie if she sits in his chair or takes his toys. He loves playing with anything with a microphone. He puts his lips around it and yells at the top of his lungs. His Backyardigans music-playing toy with a microphone is his current favorite toy. Ellie better keep away from it.

He is a complete boy. He loves throwing things (balls, toys, food, etc.) and has a really strong arm. He wants to wrestle all the time and tries to knock Ellie over. He experiments with what items on what surfaces make the loudest noises, then makes them. Repeatedly. All day.

He loves his sister. Anything she does, he has to do, too. Anything she eats, he wants some of. I give him milk in his sippy cup, he will only drink from Ellie's cup. He wants HER to feed him, not Mommy. They crack each other up and get upset if they're not sitting together in the car. He even is starting to mimic her words.

There's more, but since Matthew woke up at 6:15 this morning, depriving me of sleep, I cannot recall them. Sigh. I can't believe my baby is already one! How time flies. So cliche, but so true. I wish I'd enjoyed and really savored his babyhood more. At least I took tons of pictures of him. In that aspect, he was not neglected. I'm looking forward to more of his developments, but I really love the baby stage. I'm sad. Not sad enough to get pregnant again, but sad nonetheless.

Happy birthday, my Matty!

A story about an elephant by Ellie, and I'm tired

2007-04-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

Ellie's latest stalling technique is to get us to tell her a story AFTER the two books have been read (or six books, when Daddy's being a sucker). Tonight she decided to tell me a story. I requested one about an elephant. Here it is, as verbatim as I can remember it.

Once upon a time, there was a elephant. And a boy. No, a girl. And the elephant was a boy. And THEN, they decided to eat. And they ate poo. Ewww. And THEN the girl said I'm going to eat food. So she had some fruit. And it was strawberries! And THEN they ate poo. And then some strawberries. Then there was a duckling! It said quack quack. Then back back. It was SUPPOSED to say quack quack, but it said back back. That's so silly!

(Me, interjecting) What's a duckling doing in this story? Where did it come from?

The pond. And THEN they went to the zoo to find a baby! It was a monkey baby! And THEN they saw a caterpillar and it went up and up and up like that. The end.

I don't know about you, but I see future Newberry award-winning author!

So anyway, I'm really tired these days. I think it's partly because I got into the habit of taking a short nap every afternoon while Ellie watched Dora. Now if I don't get that nap, I'm exhausted. The other day I was driving home from the airport around 4:30, and I was swerving and falling asleep the entire time. Ellie was babbling away, and I was responding, but I'm pretty sure most of my responses were fairly incoherent.

This morning, Ellie woke up at 6:15 because she'd peed in her Pull Ups. She's really determined to wear underwear through the night, but I told her she had to wake up with dry Pull Ups 10 times first. She had peed and was all upset about it, so she was at the top of the stairs screaming and crying. So I changed her Pull Ups, put her in the bed with us, and lay there for 40 minutes trying to sleep with the kicking. Then of course Matthew decided to wake up as soon as Ellie fell asleep. I thought I may be able to get him back to sleep and went to his room. He practically leapt to his feet in the crib joyfully, ready to play.

I was so exhausted by 9am, I took the kids to my mom's house, and Matthew and I napped while Ellie was indulged with an hour and a half of TV. I was still out of it all day, having skipped my afternoon nap. Then I started getting a headache around 3 in the afternoon. By 4, I was almost in tears, thinking that I wouldn't be able to survive the rest of our planless evening, especially knowing I had to somehow feed, bathe, and put down the children on my own (Peter's at his rehearsals every night this week). In desperation, I called my mom who came over and entertained and fed the children for a couple of hours. How did I spend the precious free time? Answering emails, folding laundry, and cleaning up toys. Boo.

I think my lack of sleep is just catching up with me. I average about 6 hours of sleep a night, which I'm starting to see is not enough. I probably should start exercising, too. I took one of those Real Age tests onilne. Since I didn't smoke, drink, abuse drugs, or drive recklessly, my real age was looking good. Then I said I didn't exercise at all, and it aged me about 15 years. Sad.

I need to go to bed. Argh. Still so much to do...

Big Baby, Big Girl

2007-04-08T15:54:00.000-07:00

I measured the kids last week. Matthew is 50th% in weight, about 93rd% in height. Ellie is 45th% in weight, and 3rd% in height. That's right, 3rd%. My little shorty. I think by 2 years, Matthew will overtake Ellie, which will not go over well with big sister. Oh well. Better a big boy and little girl than vice versa.

So Ellie is now three years old. This was a great development for me, as we now can use the reasoning, "But you're already three!" when negotiating with her. Now that's she's three, she always goes to bed by herself. HUGE step. Those who know us know that putting Ellie to sleep has always been an issue. It started with nursing her to sleep as an infant, rocking her to sleep as a big baby, lying down with her to sleep as a toddler, then lying down outside her open door until recently. Not fun. Time consuming. High maintenance. But HALLELUJAH, because now all she requests is two books, praying, and it's, "See you in the morning, Ellie!" If only we'd used the ploy of, "You're already two!"

New parents, don't fall into our trap. Poor Matthew's been going to sleep by himself since he was 4 months old. Not like he knows any different and resents it, but I still have some guilt about it (me and my guilt issues). But he won't even fall asleep with me next to him. He HAS to be alone, which makes for difficult situations on trips. That's when we hide out in the bathroom of the hotel. Also not fun, but better than what we did with Ellie.

Matthew will be a year old in a few weeks. Where did the time go?!!? He's so gigantic, he doesn't even seem like a baby anymore. Sometimes I get weepy when Ellie starts doing big girl things, and I always tell her I wish she'd be a baby forever. She always says, "Don't cry, Mommy. Be proud. You still have Matthew." But I DON'T, because he's already outgrowing baby-dom. He's not an official toddler yet, since he is determined NEVER to walk, but he's still so big. Sigh. I'm not wistful enough to consider getting pregnant again, but I do love having babies!

Sad. They're so big. Sad.

Here's a video of Ellie's class doing praise. I thought it was hilarious. Mostly Ryan.

Evil Girl Scout Cookies

2007-03-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

Did anyone else indulge in Girl Scout Cookies this year? They are a major weakness for me and Peter. It started off with 2 boxes each of Peanut Butter Patties (his favorite) and Caramel Delites (my favorite), ordered from the daughter of one of Peter's MAs. Those were quickly consumed, so I took Ellie out on a mission to find more.

After driving fruitlessly by two grocery stores, I saw a bunch of girls closing up shop outside of Randalls. I bought 6 boxes, I believe, two each of the previously mentioned and two of the Thin Mints. While purchasing them, I asked when the sale would end. March 26, about two weeks away. So on March 23, I went to Kroger under the guise of needing birdseed for house church crafts, but really to stock up on cookies. I got 3 boxes each of the Peanut Butter Patties and Caramel Delites, then just 2 of the Thin Mints (there are more of those in each box). Today is March 29. We have 2 boxes of Caramel Delites left, 1 1/2 of the Peanut Butter Patties, and 1 3/4 of the Thin Mints.

Does anyone realize how many cookies that is?!!? I don't even look at the nutritional facts for fear of a heart attack. Not that I should worry, since the heart attack will surely come from the mass consumption of Girl Scout Cookies. And to add to it all, I gained 5 pounds during Cookie season. Ridiculous.

So now I'm on a diet. I started my March 11 resolution (which I am keeping up with, thank you very much), and I also started my March 26 resolution. I'm on a new diet. It's not really a diet, per se, but it's a restriction. Eat whatever I want, but don't eat past 9. Peter and I have this horrible habit of eating full meal quantities of just snack foods at about 11 every night. I've been restraining myself since Monday. I also took the kids for a walk on Monday and Tuesday nights, and now I'm doing crunches every night, too. Sadly, my body is in poor poor shape as I am pathetically sore from that miniscule amount of exercise.

By the way, I need to rant a little. My body has not recovered from baby #2 nearly as well as after baby #1. My abdominal wall seems to be protruding. Like, aside from the extra flesh and my sweet little muffin top, my ab muscles are actually sticking out. Not attractive. We'll see if crunches help at all. Anyway, I might not have a third kid, just because I don't want my body to fall apart even more. By Ellie's first birthday, I was 10 pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight. Matthew's turning one in a month. I have a lot to lose. Before Girl Scout cookie season, I was at least my normal weight again. Not even close to my normal body, though. Sigh. The things we women go through... You guys out there will never understand.

Oh, my new diet also includes a restriction of 3 Girl Scout Cookies per day. That doesn't sound like too little, but considering that I'd easily eat half the box in a sitting (Peter ate an ENTIRE box of Peanut Butter Patties in one sitting), 3 is pretty good. We just need to finish the cookies and be done with. Actually, then I have 3 tubs of Otis Spunkmeyer cookie dough in the fridge that I bought for Ellie's school fundraiser. WILL THE TEMPTATIONS NEVER CEASE?!!?

My average boy

2007-03-24T19:51:00.000-07:00

Danny read an article saying that you're not supposed to tell your kid he/she is smart, or he/she will be afraid to fail or something in the future. So my parents kept telling their grandkids they're just average, which I think isn't really the point, either. Anyway, I think Matthew might be smart. Not to sound arrogant or anything. Ellie was really verbal as a baby, but she didn't really start talking until after she turned one. Matthew is repeating words like crazy and has about 5 functional words (mama, daddy, bap, ji-ji, aya).

I tried to teach him the Korean baby tricks when he was about 9 months, but he couldn't do them. So I stopped. When we were in California, though, I saw Abby doing them and tried again on Matthew. He could do all but gonji gonji. I had no idea! Then I felt guilty that I wasn't stimulating him intellectually enough. I guess he just reached the age of comprehending and imitating tricks. Really, it's not that impressive that he's 11 months and can clap on command, but I was impressed that he could do them on command immediately after learning them.

He's all sick and cranky these days, but I somehow got him to do a bunch of tricks on video. So here he is. Oh, and yes - our house is always that messy.

Still recovering

2007-03-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

We got back from our trip to California on Tuesday, but I am still recovering. Matthew and Ellie are still suffering from a change in their schedules, and we still haven't fully unpacked everything yet. Here are some lowlights from our trip:

I came up with the "brilliant" plan of bringing Ellie's carseat on the flight to California so she could sleep in it and we wouldn't have to hold her. What ended up happening was that we had to carry her carseat everywhere (along with the double stroller, DVD player, diaper bag, Peter's backpack, Ellie's princess suitcase, and Ellie's backpack), and she wouldn't sleep in it anyway. Boo that idea.
There was no crib in our hotel room the first night. We all slept in a king-size bed together, and Matthew woke up about 4 times from 12:30 (when we arrived) to 6:00, at which time he decided to wake up for the day. I also got a lecture from the hotel guy about not calling and requesting a crib in advance.
Ellie decided not to nap during most of the trip, but go to bed at 8 (10 Houston time) and wake up at 9 (11 Houston time).
Matthew got sick and feverish Saturday night, waking up at 4 am (Sunday morning, I guess) burning up. He was cranky and clingy the rest of the weekend and just broke his fever this morning. He also at his first full meal at dinner tonight. It took him three days to eat a little container of applesauce.
Despite having a crib the other nights, Matthew continued to wake up at least twice every night due to someone having the nerve to move in their sleep and make any sort of noise.
Friday night we went out to dinner for my mom's birthday. Ellie came along and didn't fall asleep until 11:30 California time (she HAD napped that day, but still).
A rambunctious toddler decided to repeatedly squish Matthew in this gated play area thing at Abby's party while his parents and their friends sat and watched. I rescued him twice, waiting for the toddler's parents to take action so as not to rebuke a strange child. No action was ever taken. Boo passive parents.
Matthew slept 40 minutes on the plane ride back, then crankily wanted to move around the entire remainder of the flight (about 3 hours). Ellie fell asleep 5 minutes before we landed, making it even HARDER to tote all our things around once we were on the ground.

Not that the trip was all bad. In fact, there was definitely more positive than negative. Here are some highlights.

Grandma and Grandpa were in the hotel room next door, so Matthew got dropped off at 6am while Mommy and Daddy slept. It was also particularly helpful during naptime.
Abby had a good time with most of us (still unaware of Matthew). She was really friendly and warmed up to us quickly.
The weather was insanely gorgeous as was the landscaping everywhere. Stanford Mall, especially, was ridiculously beautiful. If only all malls were...
Ellie had a blast hanging out with family. She didn't even mind not having other kid friends to play with besides Matthew and Abby. She LOVES her cousin!
Matthew still smiled at everyone, despite his sickness. If anyone was ever in the elevator with us, he'd grin at them until they looked at him. If they didn't look at him, he'd yell out grunts until they did, then beam at them for paying attention to him.
Peter got his California fixes (eating by the water, In-N-Out, soontubu, sushi).
We finally met Gloria's skateboarding lawyer fiance Dave and liked him a lot. Peter was excited to learn that Dave had met Tony Hawk, and from this point on will identify him as Dave, Gloria's fiance, who's friends with Tony Hawk.
Karaoke Revolution.
We took the kids to the zoo and enjoyed the weather and fun facilities. Although the zoo itself was pretty lame, the rest of it was great. If we lived there, we'd be at Happy Hollow at least once a month, I'm sure.
I won several rounds of 4 player Dr. Mario (although only on slow speed)! Not bad for being incapable of clearing horizontally.

It's always good to see old friends and family. And nice weather. And flowers on steroids. Sigh. I usually leave California all bitter and resentful. This case included.

Whenever we go, though, I always wonder to myself where I would be had I never left. An interesting discussion I had with Danny and Jieun was regarding the fact that I was "normal." Uh, whatever THAT means. I always thought I was kinda weird, but I think I have normalized somewhat. Probably more so since I became a mom.

More than anything, I'd like to think that I'm comfortable. Meaning, it's easy for people to feel comfortable around me. Like, our house is very comfortable. I guess people would say it's a nice house because it's rather large and spacious, but there's nothing in here that is of any value, hardly any type of decorating other than photos has been attempted, and none of our entertainment appliances are super high tech. It's always a little dirty, usually pretty messy. But it's a comfortable place to hang out. Kinda like me, I think. Yes? No?

Anyway, I think Texas "normalized" me to some extent. Maybe not Texas. Maybe Peter. The fact that he's so weird has forced me to become more normal. Also, being with him exposed me to social groups I'd NEVER have been friends with (rich white people and their parents) and am now comfortable with. I think that played a big part. I'm fairly certain if I'd stayed in California I'd only have Asian, primarily Korean, friends. I don't think I'd have two kids, and I'm almost positive I wouldn't be a stay-at-home mom. Probably married, probably still working, probably tanner from being outdoors.

I have no conclusion to this entry, but I'm one of those who needs at least a conclusive sentence. So... the end.

My March 11 Resolution

2007-03-11T20:36:00.000-07:00

As a house church, we decided to make a new year's resolution of reading 5 chapters of the Bible a week. Fairly unambitious. I suggested it sort of condescendingly, thinking it would be the easiest thing to do. Three months later, I've read about 25 chapters.

So I have a One Year Bible, and I've re-resolved to start it up again. I would get behind and be all discouraged when my date was really off, so I decided to just read the entries for whatever the current day is, and squeeze in make-ups whenever I can. I really just want to be more in the Word, you know? I'm feeling a lack of wisdom and guidance these days...

I remember telling people that I was closest to God when I was invested in others' lives, like leading small groups or things to that effect. Um, hello? Being a mother is the greatest investment one could imagine. Yikes! I'm the center of their universe, their guide through life. No pressure! I really want to make an effort to have Ellie see me reading the Bible, praying, etc. This morning, Peter gave her cereal and told her to pray. She said, "Mommy no pray for cereal." She's right! I usually throw it in front of her while I get ready in the mornings. Bad Mommy.

People ask me all the time about growing up with my dad as a pastor, how it must've been such an awesome experience, spiritually. But honestly, I didn't really see my parents read the Bible or pray or even really talk about spiritual things or anything growing up. I mean, now we can talk about spiritual issues, but it wasn't this prevalent thing in our home, you know? My dad would try to do these Bible studies with me and Danny, but it felt really forced and formal to me. A daily spiritual walk just wasn't a part of our normal everyday life. I don't want that for my family, but we're totally headed in that direction already.

We went to this restaurant for lunch on Friday that had a playground. Ellie was bullying a couple of the smaller girls (yelling at one and pushing another). I told her not to be mean, and she responded, "But we don't like that girl." I went into this whole long deal about how Jesus wants us to love everyone, how that makes Him happy, etc. I think it had some impact on her, but not as much as when I said, "What if Abby pushed you and didn't want to play with you?" Abby being unhappy with her was much more threatening than Jesus being unhappy with her. That made me a little sad.

So anyway, pray for me. Pray that I will stick to this, that I will gain wisdom and be a better mother to my kids. Ellie's been trying my patience a lot these days. I DREAD the day she loses her nap for good...

Here's a video of her on her big girl bike. It's for her birthday. She got it early.

Judgmental

2007-03-04T20:44:00.000-08:00

First - some random things.

Random thing #1: Someone asked me why I haven't been blogging much these days. The answer is twofold. Mostly because the kids aren't napping at the same time anymore, so when they do overlap, that time is super precious and usually spent eating chocolate and watching guilty pleasures on TV (The Hills, for instance). Also, because no one comments on my blogs anymore! I feel like I'm baring my soul to no one, to pure empty space. Kinda depressing.

Random thing #2: Matthew started trying to repeat after me today. Ellie had some snack that he wanted. He initially was yelling "ba!" as he usually does, but then I told him to say please. He looked at me, looked up thoughtfully, then said, "eesh!" Perhaps a fluke that time, but he DEFINITELY repeated "aya" after me when he pulled my hair, then said "Dada" and "Etty" when I told him to say Dada and Ellie. And he definitely knows the word "mamma" as in, Korean baby word for food. I am distinctly "uma" and food is distinctly "mamma." More like frantic yelling of "mamma!" at the sight of food, when the food given to him has been eaten up, and when I'm cooking. The kid can eat.

Random thing #3: The Azalea trail in Houston was this weekend. I didn't get to go, and I was actually really sad. It's the first year my mom and I didn't go in about 5 years. Really all it is is going to different rich people's houses and looking at their home decor and gardens. I usually don't care about the furniture and decor, but I LOVE looking at the gardens. And it was something my mom and I always did. So kinda sad. Beautiful weather, too. Last year they changed it to just one weekend as opposed to two. Last year, also, it was so hot they were shipping in ice to cool down the azalea bushes so as not to bloom to early. Ridiculous.

Random thing #4: I was always bothered by the spelling of "judgmental" and "judgment". Why is the e dropped? When I taught spelling to first graders, we specifically say that the letters "dge" are necessary to make the /j/ sound, so what the heck is up with that? So based on that, the word should be pronounces "jud guh mental." So there. Anyway...

So I realized lately that I am super judgmental. I remember back in youth group days, the big issues were judging people and gossip. Since my brain only remembers things that I learned pre-babies, I have all these verses memorized about judging, namely - Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

It really bothered me when I realized it. You know what it was that gave me the realization? I asked a friend if she had any pull-ups I could borrow for Ellie since it was late and Ellie was going to fall asleep on the way home (she still wears them overnight). I was expecting Dora or Princess ones, but it was some generic brand with circus animals on it. My initial reaction was, "What? They don't get DORA or PRINCESS ones? What's wrong with them?" My secondary reaction was, "Oh my gosh, did I really just say that in my mind?"

I don't know if it's the inundation of consumerism, but I look at brand names. Maclaren stroller? They must only get unnecessarily expensive stuff for their baby. Costco diapers? Stingy. Underwear without characters on them? Depriving their child. Clothes from Oilily? Money waster.

WHAT?!!? How did I get this way? Am I only this way about baby products? The answer is... no! Of course not! What's lame is that I see people wearing clothes that I myself buy from Old Navy and think to myself, "Can't they afford better clothes?" Uh, hello! Like my entire outfit including shoes doesn't cost under $30? What the heck is my problem?! At least I'm aware of it now and can consciously make an effort to change. And change I must.

The second part of that verse is very true - or you too will be judged. Being judged is one thing I am well aware of. When I'm out with my two kids, I get looks ALL THE TIME that say, "What is that high school dropout doing with two kids?" Now that my baby bangs are growing in, it's more like, "Why isn't that twelve-year old in school instead of taking her baby siblings out?" Argh. I'm know people judge me when they come to my house and it's constantly in a state of chaos. I know I'm being judged when I'm introduced as a doctor's wife in my less than $30 outfit and twelve-year old bangs. Heck, I probably judge myself even more than others do. The only good thing about it is that I honestly don't care that much what people think. I don't try to blowdry the bangs up. I don't try to dress older. I don't try to clean my house (maybe that one I should change). Whatever.

Anyway, I'm really judgmental. So sorry to everyone I've ever met in my life. I've judged you at some point or another. Probably multiple times. I'm really going to try not to. Sorry.

Here are some recent videos:
This is Matthew "singing" into the Echo Microphone, then quickly moving on to something more exciting. Just evidence that he can now gets functionality.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ViO9JcaplA

This is right after Matthew discovered my tupperware cabinet. Ellie decided to join his game, then tried fruitlessly to get him to stop. Evidence of Matthew's sheer will, Ellie's bossiness, and his complete negligence of our reprimands.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUdtz5lmmY0

This is at the rodeo last Thursday. Ellie was JUST BARELY below the necessary 3 ft height, but they let her on two rides. We didn't realize how scary it was until after she got on. I think the most entertaining part is me, Jenn, and Yong cheering everytime Ellie and Peter flew by. She was not having nearly as much fun.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6sSuqarNVI

Forgetting the Stages

2007-02-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I forget how young Matthew is. The other day, he was standing against his Exersaucer. He held his hand up to me, so I took it and started walking. Uh, oops. Matthew doesn't walk. I always tell him to do stuff that he is completely incapable of doing, like getting me things, saying things, doing certain tricks (all his tricks consist of slapping himself in the thigh).

We went to Galveston this past weekend for the youth leaders' retreat. There's this ice cream shop on the Strand called La King's. Peter LOVES this place. Anyway, when we were there two summers ago (when Ellie was a year and a half), he put Ellie on this mechanical horse thing. We recently rediscovered the video and died laughing watching it. Here it is, for those who haven't seen it:

As you can see, Ellie isn't particularly enjoying herself. Well, Peter decided it was time for Matthew, our 9-month old, to ride the horse. I think, as I so often do, Peter forgot how young he was. Here's the video of that:

Jenn said everyone in the restaurant was either staring in shock or glaring disapprovingly at us. Understandably so.

Back to my point. On the flip side, we often forget how young Ellie is. She's grown up a LOT since Matthew was born. Last night I was putting Matthew to sleep. His room gets really stuffy, so we run the humidifier while he sleeps. Ellie was downstairs by herself and apparently had to go to the bathroom immediately. She ended up having an accident. I vaguely heard some yelling, but I assumed Peter had come home and ignored it. She was actually telling me she had to pee, then telling me she'd had an accident. After the fact, though, instead of coming up and disrupting Matthew, she took off her dirty clothes,put them in the hamper, and put on her Pull Ups and pajamas.

She also puts her dishes in the sink and her trash in the trash can after she eats. Awesome. Last week I was taking a shower and Peter came into the bathroom. I told him he couldn't leave Matthew unsupervised in the living room, but he responded, "It's OK. Ellie's there." And we were both OK with that.

Makes me sad that my little girl is so grown up. She's ALL about being big these days, though. We even got her to eat kimchee, zucchini, kong namul, and the white stuff on tangerines by calling it "grown-up food" (those who are familiar with Ellie's eating habits know she doesn't eat green stuff, red stuff, or white stuff on any citrus fruits). Oh, the manipulation.

Sigh. How are my kids so big so fast?!!?

Racial differentiation

2007-01-25T20:47:00.000-08:00

I had the most interesting conversation with Ellie today. I always ask her who she played with when I pick her up from school. I noticed she never mentioned Elle or Lauren, two little blond girls. She doesn't mention Maddie, either, who is also blond. Anyway, I asked her if she liked them and why she never played with them. She responded, "Elle and Lauren are... different."

"Different? Different from who?"
"Elle and Lauren are different and Noah is different." (Noah is Chinese.)
"Who are Elle, Lauren and Noah different from?"
"Oh wait, I forgot. Noah is the same."
"Same as who? Same as you? Elle and Lauren are different from you? Who else is different from you?"
"Nobody."
"Oh," thinking it was a coincidental fluke.
"Michelle - sometimes she's same, too." (Michelle is Vietnamese.)
"Michelle is? Who else?"
"Sometimes Michelle, sometimes Hannah." (The Korean)
"What about Jacob?" (Caucasian)
"No, he's different."
"What about Emily?" (Hispanic)
"Emily is different. She's brown."
"What about Presley?" (the only Caucasian girl Ellie mentions)
"Um... I don't know!"
"What color is Hannah?"
"Brown."

Anyway, I just found this conversation FASCINATING. How interesting that she already sees the differences. Obviously, she doesn't really understand why or how or all that, but the distinction is clearly there. I forgot to ask her about Mira, the Indian girl. Curious to see how she'd answer. And intriguing that she differentiates Emily as being brown, but considers Hannah (who is actually quite pale) to be brown, also. That doesn't strike me as too odd because she's asked me in the past what color we were. I replied brown, but she usually responded that she wanted to be pink.

So the differences are recognizable this early on. Isn't that amazing?! She's already in the formative stage where how we explain and treat the differences will have a lasting impact on her mentality towards race. OK, maybe I'm jumping the gun a little, but if she's aware of the differences, what we say and do will definitely impact her. Crazy. She's not even three yet.

What's intriguing is her acknowledgment of differences with the complete innocence and naivety of toddlerhood. What's a little disturbing is the fact that she doesn't play with Elle and Lauren because they're different. Actually, the only people she does mention playing with are Hannah (who we were already friends with) and Presley, another Caucasian girl. Elle and Lauren are both kinda moody girls. Very serious. Not really her type. And that isn't just an excuse, it's true.

She's been saying some other things lately, too. None as deep as this, but pretty funny nonetheless. The past couple of nights she's been getting her Pull-Ups on and changing into her pajamas, then brushing her teeth and washing her hands all by herself. It's been a big deal. So tonight she didn't want to go to bed and refused to change. I asked, "What happened to my big girl who could do all those things by herself?" She answered, "She went away."

Also, earlier this week, I was playing with the kids an hour or so after dinner. I guess I served some gaseous food because Matthew was farting repeatedly. Then out of nowhere, Ellie announces, "Mommy. I'm farting like crazy!" The best part was that she was completely serious and matter of fact about it.

Some good news - Matthew is finally crawling proficiently! He used to scooch around, then cry when he saw me because I wasn't holding him at that exact moment. Now he smiles like crazy and does this very stompy crawl to me. Here's a video:

Halmoni and Harabuji

2007-01-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

The in-laws are here until mid-February or so. Ellie is MUCH better this time. I think she's gotten warmer and kinder in general, and apparently all her memories of her grandparents are happy ones. Being bombarded with presents first thing helped, too. She is pretty happy they're here and was excited to play with them and show off her stuff. She really wanted to play with haRabuji (I was corrected in my English spelling of that word), but he couldn't really understand what she was saying. She kept offering him different toys, to which he'd reply, "oh yeah" or "mmm." Eventually, she just asked him, "What do YOU want to do?" To which, of course, he replied, "Oh yeah."

Anyway, last time they were here, Ellie was in the midst of her terrible twos. When they came last January, she was at the beginning of them, when my mother-in-law returned in April, she was in the latter part. I don't know what it was, but she just decided to be consistently super rude to her halmoni. Stressed us all out. Stressed me out that she was being so terrible, stressed halmoni out that Ellie didn't like her, stressed Ellie out that she was constantly getting in trouble... made for unpleasant days. Thank God she's over it.

We've kinda realized that Ellie is snobby to certain people; more specifically, people with whom she knows she can get away with it. People who indulge her, especially when she's being naughty, she is just consistently naughty with. However, people who make her follow the rules, obey them, and cooperate, she gets along with better. Is this a respect issue? The whole innate respect for authority thing? Weird. But lately, as mentioned, she's gotten better. She used to be snobby with my mom, and isn't so much anymore. She was kinda like that with Paul, too, but that got better his last visit as well.

Matthew is his normal friendly self. Like usual, he grinned from ear to ear (more like forehead to chin, in his case) when he first saw them. He's taken to them pretty well, as I expected. He got sick today, so he's kind of clingy to me. I'm sure he'll get over it, though. He got presents, too, but he doesn't differentiate between inanimate objects he eats that he already had vs. new ones that are given to him.

As for me, as most of my friends know, it's difficult for me to share my space. I think it'll be OK, though. They're pretty good about giving me my space, and they're pretty busy when they're here anyway. My big thing is not being able to pump in the living room while watching TV (since we don't have cable in our bedroom), having to be fully dressed at all times, and feeling guilty about watching TV or taking a nap or doing something else nonproductive in those few precious moments of both children sleeping.

I'm happy to say, though, that I'm enjoying their company and was looking forward to seeing them. Really, it's kind of sad that they only see their grandkids once a year for a few weeks. This is actually the first time Harabuji has seen Matthew at all. Weird. He's all crawling and doing tricks now.

Oh, and I showed my baby book to my mother-in-law. She was shocked to see how much Matthew resembled my infant pictures and how Ellie resembled my toddler pictures. I think I'd mentioned before that it slightly annoyed me when she would insist that Ellie was 100% Peter. There's something inherent in a mother that makes her want her children to resemble her. (That was a lot of hers in one sentence.) Now she insists that they both look exactly like me. So it was kind of petty, but still somewhat gratifying. Sheesh, I'm immature.

The Center of the Universe

2007-01-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

It's a lot of pressure being the center of someone else's universe. As flattering as it is that Ellie and Matthew always want me and love me the most (sorry, Daddy, but we can't deny the truth), it's a little scary knowing they completely depend on me and trust me with their lives. As actively involved as Peter is in their lives, I'm with them all the time, everyday (excepting when Ellie's at school, obviously). Who's going to teach them right from wrong? Good from bad? Naughty from nice? Kindness from meanness?

The other day, out of the blue, Ellie asked me, "Mommy. God and Jesus are the same?" Well, yes. But... no. But yes! How do I answer that? OK, realistically speaking, I knew that Ellie wasn't asking an advanced theological question, but is in a stage of her language comprehension where she realizes that there are synonyms and translations of the same word. Maybe not theological, but pretty intelligent just the same. Anyway, she asks me a simple question, and I momentarily panic. Will the way I answer this question be the foundation of her understanding of God and Jesus?! Should I attempt to explain the trinity?! Should I discuss God as the Father of Jesus when she was just taught that Mary and Joseph were Jesus' parents?! I'm sweating.

She goes, "Huh, Mommy?" And I simply reply, "Yes. They're the same, Ellie." "Jesus IS God?" "Yes, Ellie. Jesus is God." "Oh. Pink is my favorite color." End of discussion. Fortunately, I realized that I had to answer in a manner that her 2 1/2 year old brain would understand. And right now, theologically speaking, Jesus is God. The end.

I also realized this morning as Matthew yanked my glasses off my face that I hadn't really been using the word "no" with him. I think Ellie understood no by this age. I guess because he's just so active and was a needier infant that I just sort of let him do whatever he wanted that would keep him busy. I panicked again and thought, "Oh my gosh! It's too late now! He'll never learn to accept no for an answer!" Then I came to my senses, realized he was only 8 1/2 months old, and just kept repeating no. To which he grinned with his 6 teeth and proceeded to yank my glasses off again.

I'm not really sure what he gets at this time. Sometimes it seems like he understands. Like, he'll do peekaboo on command. But he knows how to clap, but won't ever do that on command. I don't know. Anyway, here's a video of Matthew playing peekaboo. He actually realized that hiding his face in a pillow takes less effort than lifting something to his face, so that's his new version of it.

Here's a classic pic, too, for those who hadn't checked out my flickr yet. Check out the Chai family butt and saddlebags on these babies. Sigh. They only inherit my bad features...

The Rota is gonna get you...

2007-01-07T19:07:00.000-08:00

Did we infect you yet? Our family's spree of infection is ended, I hope. Here's a step by step of our disease-spreading history:

Ellie pukes at the retreat in front of Doreen's kids, into Doreen's hands. One of them (Doreen can't remember which) is infected. She is listless the rest of the day and is passed from person to person to be held. Sammy is infected.
We try to visit Joanne and her new baby. Fortunately they are both asleep the entire time we are at their house. UNfortunately, many others are awake. Ellie infects Harold, Chris, and Mrs. Oh. Jojo quickly follows.
Matthew pukes Sunday morning before church, I mistake it for spit up, and both of us go to the nursery later on. We infect Jadyn and Julie Park. LeeAnn plays with my kids at church and also gets infected. Harold and his family get his mom sick.
I get sick, but I have the mildest case of us all.
I feed Peter lactose-full milk and give him the runs. Then his rotavirus surfaces and he has it coming out both ends. What timing.
Sammy has to go to the hospital as he has barfed so much he is dehydrated and can't walk. Gina, unable to carry his gigantic lifeless body, calls an ambulance. EMS workers get blood on her pristine carpet in repeated unsuccessful efforts to stick him with an IV. They will probably end up paying thousands of dollars because church insurance sucks.
Jadyn gets Kayce sick.
Somehow Ryan gets sick, either from his cousins, his aunt, or one of us.
Sammy or Chris or his grandmother gets Austin sick.
Apparently Lauren Keating gets sick, but I don't think we can take credit for that one.

It's almost impressive, no? Thirteen total affected by my children. Sheesh, this rotavirus is running rampant! Luckily we all had fairly mild cases that lasted only a few days. Peter usually says the diarrhea can last up to two weeks, but I don't think anyone's had it for more than 4 or 5 days. Most are less. Mine ended up being mostly stomach cramps from unreleasable gas. Friday night I was burping like crazy. It was the most refreshing thing...

Anyway, keep your hands clean. Try not to touch barf. Or poo, for that matter. And stop blaming us! We're past infectiousness now! Sor-ry!

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-04T18:15:00.000-08:00

Woo! It's been awhile since I last posted. Needless to say, the holidays are probably the busiest days of my year. Since I last posted, Paul came into town, Danny, Jieun & Abby came into town, I had the busiest day of my entire life, we all went to a Rockets game with three babies, Christmas came and went, the Chais left, we went to the youth retreat for a couple of days, Ellie got rotavirus and puked in Doreen's hands, Matthew got rotavirus and puked all over me (three times), we celebrated New Year's, I got rotavirus but didn't puke, Peter got rotavirus and puked violently, we apparently spread rotavirus to the entire Oh family and Matthew's nursery class at church, and now Paul is leaving tomorrow. And we're all better. Except maybe Paul. We're still waiting on that one.

I always make new year's resolutions. I never keep them past... probably February or so, but I like the idea of a fresh start, a new year, new beginnings. Anyway, here are my resolutions for this year, so people can keep me accountable.

#1 - Pray for Ellie and Matthew each morning before we start the day. (Already broken. I forgot today. Will try to restart tomorrow.)
#2 - Be more affectionate to Peter. I always thought we were fairly affectionate, but a month or so ago, Ginny said she'd never seen us showing affection. For some reason, that really bothered me.
#3 - Invest in someone's life outside of my family. Still not sure where that one's going, but I think God will show me the way.
#4 - Be more grateful in general.

OK, the last one is a little vague. I think I take too much for granted, though, so I'm going to make a pointed effort to recognize and acknowledge my blessings. One thing I've been grateful for since the holidays is having good siblings-in-law. Really, the mix of the 5 of us is pretty ideal. Paul and Danny were already friends before Peter and I even dated. I'm certain Jieun and I would've been good friends growing up had we grown up together. All of us mesh very well. And now that it's been so long since we've all been together, there's definitely a high level of comfort among us all. It's nice. Here are some more specific examples:

Paul baby-sits. All the time. He may have spent more time alone with Matthew at this point than Peter has. And there are no qualms about diaper changes, even poo. He once did EVERY SINGLE available game on Sesame Street online with Ellie. It took almost two hours. Last night I complained to Peter that he hadn't had a conversation with me in awhile, and Paul knocks on the door unknowingly. Peter springs on him that Uncle Paul is going to read Ellie three books and put her to bed. Without flinching, he smiles and takes Ellie up, then even allows her to kick him repeatedly until she falls asleep. Good stuff.

Jieun puts in huge amounts of effort to communicate effectively with Peter. She over-enunciates, makes grand sweeping gestures, and moves her lips a lot when she talks to him. We were playing Karaoke Revolution one night after the kids were all sleeping. Since we couldn't turn the volume up loud enough for him to hear, Peter wasn't really playing. Jieun decided he should be included, so to level the playing field, they sang Take On Me on mute. I almost wet myself watching them try to find the right key and pitch. Anyway, whereas Danny and I were content singing ourselves, Jieun made a point to include my poor husband.

Yeah, so I'm grateful. I probably don't say it enough. It'll be interesting to see who Paul ends up adding to the mix. Pressure's on!

By the way, sorry to anyone else we gave rotavirus to. We didn't mean to. I think the count is up to 8 now. :(

The recital

2006-12-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

She did it. She had her first recital. Can I say, that she not only performed the song the best she's ever done, but she clearly performed the best in her class. Here are a few pics from the recital, but there are more on my flickr. They're kinda blurry because it was really dark in the room. Once we figure out how to upload videos onto the computer, I'll post that, too.

It was the funniest performance ever. There are 4 girls, Ellie, Hailey, Emily (another Korean girl who's 3 1/2) and Linda (a blond Norwegian girl, almost 4). Hailey was crying the entire time while kneeling on the floor, Emily was standing still and watching Hailey, and Ellie and Linda both did most of the dance (although Ellie did better). HILARIOUS. In the pics, none of the girls are doing the same thing, if they're doing anything at all. For the second half, Hailey was wailing and reaching out to her mom. Also, her mouth is completely blue because her mom bribed her with a blue candy cane right beforehand.

Anyway, I was SOOOO proud. So was her entourage - Peter, Matthew, Sandy, Gina, and later (after she'd performed) Grandma and Grandpa. They were watching a movie and ignored my warnings that it would take longer than they thought to get there. Ellie's song was first and 2 minutes long. You come a minute late and you miss the whole thing, pretty much.

She'll perform the dance for you if you ask her. Apparently she works better with an audience, because she never wanted to practice with just me. Hilarious.

Completely irrelevant to the recital, here's also a video of her friend Noah from school. He does the two things Ellie won't - eat and sleep. Except he does them at the same time. I was in tears watching him. So cute. Hope his mom doesn't mind that I'm posting it... It's too funny to not share. He never stops chewing.

Oh, another irrelevant story. We were passing Goode Co. Seafood yesterday, and Ellie goes, "Mommy. I see a blue fish." I reply, "Yeah. That's the sign for a restaurant because you eat fish there." She goes, "Just like the restaurant we go with Gloria Eemo." OK, two things. First, you remember Gloria Eemo's name? Because you certainly never called her by it when we saw her. Second, how in the world do you remember that? In October we met up with Gloria and ate at a restaurant called Fish. We never talked to her directly about it, but I guess she was listening to us talk about it amongst ourselves.

It's so funny to me when people at church she clearly knows come up to her every week and ask if she remembers them. She's like, well, duh. Another time this girl was saying hi to her and goes, "Kkakkung! Kkakkung!" Ellie stared at her blankly for awhile, then turned to me and said, "What that eemo saying to me?" She has an amazing memory. She can even remember dance routines! Did I mention how cute she was?

Yes!

2006-12-12T09:35:00.000-08:00

I would just like to announce that... prune juice works.

And that's all I have to say about that. You're welcome.

Mini Grammar Nazi

2006-12-08T10:49:00.000-08:00

One of the most intruiging things about watching my kids develop is their language acquisition. Ellie was an early talker. It'll be interesting to see what Matthew does. He used to say mama when he was upset. Now he reaches for me and says, "MABA!" in a despairing voice. Hmm.

Anyway, I think if I ever went back to school (and that's a giant if), I'd want to study language acquisition in children. That was definitely one of my most interesting classes in college. I sort of wish I'd done ESL or something of the sort. Grammar is fascinating, isn't it?

I took a grammar class in college since I specialized in English. The prof looked like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons. Eerie. Anyway, I'm going along in the semester, enjoying myself, diagramming sentences to my heart's content, when one day the class all gets together to try to... I dunno, like, protest the class or something. Apparently everyone was failing the class and not a single person enjoyed it. OOPS! Sorry for ruining the curve, everyone! Of course, I didn't speak up and defend the class, but it's not like they would've been able to do anything about it anyway. Please.

Most of my friends know how anal I am about grammatical consistency and accuracy. I even edit my blogs to make sure they are grammatically correct. Peter's first draft of skits are always punctual nightmares, but it's fun because I like correcting. If I could walk around with a red pen and just correct spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. errors I see in public without being offensive, I'd be a happier person. Sad, huh?

What was my point? Oh yeah. So I always make a point to use adverbs correctly. Talk quietly, Ellie. Drive more slowly, Daddy. Don't scream so loudly, Matthew. Ellie has lately picked up on this. We were going somewhere the other day, and she goes, "Daddy! Don't drive so fastly!" Such a proud moment for me. :) The overcompensation thing is so interesting. For awhile, she said things were "my's" all the time.

Totally irrelevant story: Ellie and I went to get Jamba Juice. It was near a Starbucks, so Ellie goes, "There's a coffee next to Jamba Juice!" I asked her, "What's the coffee store called?" She replies, "Decaf!" I dunno... I thought that was funny.

I love Santa Claus

2006-12-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

I'm a terrible Christian mother. I'm sorry. I know I should be teaching Ellie about Jesus' birthday and giving and sharing and things regarding Christmas, but Santa is a WONDERFUL manipulative idea. Have you ever thought about the words to Santa Claus is Coming to Town? It is SOOO threatening. You better watch out! Better not cry! Better not pout, I'm telling you why... Santa Claus is coming to town! Be good for goodness sake!

So Ellie has been Christmas shopping with me and has gotten obsessively greedy. She wants everything she sees and is convinced Santa Claus is going to get it all for her. We were buying Matthew some pants (as the 6-12 month size cuts of the circulation of his rotund little belly) at Macy's, and there were toys in the kids' department. She tells Sandy, "I want that and that and that. Santa Claus gonna get it for me."

Since then I've convinced her Santa will bring ONE present... if she's a good girl and not naughty. This has stopped many a whining incident, tantrum, and just general objection to my directions. Thank God for Santa Claus is all I have to say.

On the flip side, we have decided to give a bunch of toys away to needy kids. I've decided to get Ellie involved with this. I don't think she even fathoms children that don't have toys, but the idea made her sad. She was playing with one of said toys, and Peter told her to get ready for bed. She replied, "Wait! I have to put this toy back and give it to kids that no have toys." So that's nice.

She also knows that Christmas is Jesus' birthday, although she thinks baby Jesus and grown up Jesus are two different people. And when I bring up Jesus' birthday, she mostly starts talking about her own birthday party, which will be at the end of March.

Maybe next year...

Dora vs. Princesses

2006-11-30T18:23:00.000-08:00

I am sad to announce that Ellie has discovered the Princesses. It all started with the Sleeping Beauty plastic heels that Peter got her. She had a couple of Princess things before, but she hadn't really been exposed to them. Now she is aware, and these darn Princesses are EVERYWHERE. Seriously. Grocery store, library, school, restaurants...

I'm encouraging her interest in Dora for several reasons. Number one: She said she wanted a Dora birthday party and I already came up with a lot of fun ideas. Number two: I think Dora has more moral values (sharing, learning Spanish, accepting differences, friendship) than Princesses (being pretty and having princes fall in love with you). Number three: I can't think of a number three, but the first two are good enough.

Peter has been fueling the Princess fire like crazy. Since the shoes (and a princess camera), he's gotten her a huge book full of Disney stories with all the Princesses on the cover (serves him right that all the stories are beyond her level and super boring, but she insists he read them to her), a Princess activity set with coloring books, dot-to-dot, stories, stickers, and markers (again, mostly beyond her level, but Sammy had fun coloring Snow White when he and Gina baby-sat), and the Cinderella DVD (we thought she'd fall asleep reading it, but she just kept asking questions, so Peter announced "The end!" at the part where the clock struck midnight, and she didn't even know any better).

As much as I like Dora better, there are some things that really bother me about the show. Some I've mentioned already, such as the proportions of Big Red Chicken changing to fit whatever need he plays in the show (Are they going to ride him? Big. Is he just hanging out with them? Not so big.). OK, it's mostly proportional stuff being inconsistent. And I mean from one frame to the next. Benny is stuck in a hole, but when he gets out, the whole is wider than he is tall. The other day, there was a dragon that cast this humongous shadow. He consistently had a shadow, although Boots and Dora standing next to him had no shadow. In fact, NOTHING had a shadow except for the dragon. I know these artists are working on a kiddie show, but are they really lacking that much integrity to only have a shadow for one character?! Really, people.

Sorry. I don't know what motivated this tirade. Don't anyone out there ever expose my child to Barbie. Ever.

Endearing moments

2006-11-29T15:01:00.000-08:00

What makes babies prefer one person over another? Strange. The first person Ellie ever had stranger anxiety towards was Sammy. Unfortunate, because she saw him all the time and he always showered her with affection. She got over it pretty quickly, but still. Matthew still doesn't really care if strangers hold him, but he clearly knows when it's a stranger versus someone he knows. The first person he showed stranger anxiety towards was Daniel, who works in Peter's office. He is the sweetest, happiest, smiliest person I've ever known. Seriously. He broke his ankle and was in severe pain, but he smiled through it all, even when describing the horrific sound his bone made when it broke. Anyway, Matthew stared at him suspiciously for a long time. Random.

Ellie is being really affectionate lately. She'll come up to me randomly and give me a kiss or tell me she loves me. Peter said she doesn't do that to him yet, but she'll go and give him hugs randomly. The other day in the car, out of the blue, Ellie looks at Matthew in his carseat and cries frantically, "Matthew! I love you so much! You know I love you? I really really love you!" So sweet! She loves giving him hugs, too. She hugs him and kisses him and tells him she loves him several times a day.

Anyway, my mom is always ordering Ellie to show affection to her. "Who gave you yummy food? Grandma did. Kiss Grandma." "Say, 'I love you Grandma'." "Tell Grandma I love you so much." Most of this is to no avail. My stubborn and snobby daughter will more often than not completely ignore Grandma, or give in with marginal affection ("I just give you a hug."). HOWEVER, get her with Grandpa and she's all over him. Hugs, kisses, "I love you so much"-es, even when he reminds her of his conditional love for him.

Strangely, and rather conveniently, Matthew has a clear preference for Grandma over Grandpa. He'll stare at Grandpa, albeit calmly, but won't really play with him. Grandma, on the other hand, is fun and exciting to Matthew. He cries when she leaves the room. He laughs when she picks him up. He smiles when he sees her, even if only in passing. Again, random. But convenient, as afore mentioned. One for each.

Raising newborns can be fairly unrewarding. Most of the time, they just sleep, poop, eat, and require cleaning. No smiles, no affection. Yet most parents are enamored with their non-funcitonal newborn and can't stop talking about them. What's definitely rewarding is when the baby starts reacting more and responding to you.

Matthew's in this super cute stage where he is starting to respond to cues and requests. For instance, in the bathtub I'll tell him to kick kick kick. He responds with an excited smile and splashy kicking. More endearing than that is if I ask where Mommy is, he'll look for me. So far, he'll only look for Mommy, Daddy, Ellie, and Grandma. They're probably the only people he knows for sure. Anyway, I was holding him on my lap, but he was standing with his back towards me. Every time I'd ask where Mommy was, he'd crane his neck and twist his whole body to find me. Then when he saw me, he'd smile like crazy. So cute!

Another thing he does that's particularly endearing is grin from ear to ear everytime he sees a reflection of the two of us in the mirror. Now the words "Matty and Mommy!" trigger a smile. Fun stuff. I'm liking having a baby. If only he'd stop biting me with his four crazy teeth...

Multi-tasking

2006-11-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

Peter often accuses me of not being a good multi-tasker. He says this because he'll ask me to do stuff and I won't always do it right away. HOWEVER, many of my mom friends have praised me for my multi-tasking abilities. I've decided that I'm good at multi-tasking mom stuff that I've already planned out in my head. If he asks me to do something that I haven't thought about and worked into my schedule earlier, it throws me off. Hence, I simply ignore his request with the assurance that if he really needed it done, he'd do it himself (since he considers me so bad at multi-tasking). Catch 22, but in a way that's beneficial to me both ways. Heh heh.

The other night, Peter said he'd be home at 6:30. So I was hanging out, playing with Ellie and stuff when he unexpectedly came home at 5:15. From 5:20 to 6:20, here's what I did. Baked two loaves of pumpkin bread I'd made from scratch (I'd already made the batter earlier when the kids were napping), fold a load of laundry, do a sinkful of dishes, make Matthew's butternut squash puree, write out a new grocery list, throw away some stuff in our fridge that had gone bad, make rice, make kimchee jigae, pan fry some fish for Ellie, cook more fish for me and Peter, look up and print out a recipe online for house church that week, set the table, and serve dinner.

Of course, I was doing all of them at once. Mostly because I have no brain these days. I would start the bread, put the mixing bowls in the sink, start doing dishes, the dryer timer would go off, I'd stop dishes, go to the laundry, fold and start putting it away, be reminded by Matthew's clean bibs that I needed to finish his food, puree some squash, think about the fact that I needed to get more vegetables for him, write out a grocery list, check the fridge to see what I needed, get grossed out and start throwing stuff away, see the fish and start cooking it, make the rest of dinner, go online while it was cooking, save the dinner from burning, etc.

Anyway, I got sick this week. I don't get sick very often, but when I do I'm just the biggest baby. Totally non-functional. This was weird, though. I'm sure my mom will say it's due to the fact that I wore tank tops and went barefoot after having babies, but I get this chill down to my bones. One night I was in flannel pajamas, covered in two blankets, and had Peter holding me. I couldn't stop shivering for half an hour. I finally stopped because I fell asleep from exhaustion, I think. My skin gets super sensitive, too. I can only wear flannel pajama pants, or I feel like my clothes are chafing my skin off. It's really weird. I feel like an old lady. Oh, the cold weather's puttin' a chill in me bones! Apparently, I'm an old pirate lady.

What was my point? (No brains) Oh yeah. So the house has been in complete disarray since I've been nonfunctional (although Peter said it didn't look that much messier than usual, I knew it was). Finally I'm feeling normal again, so I went and bought some plants for our front yard, pulled out some dead ones, weeded, met some neighbors for the first time, made dinner, did dishes, spent 20 minutes trying to figure out how to collapse the bassinet that's been sitting around for months, collapsed the bassinet, put garland on our bannister, put up some other Christmas decorations, organized my bathroom counter, refilled my diaper bag, organized Ellie's Pull Ups and Matthew's diapers, learned that I could've earned a whole lot of money for my kids' college education through UPromise, signed up for UPromise, discovered I maxed out my monthly uploads on flickr, and uploaded some videos. Here they are:

Random stories

2006-11-09T12:55:00.000-08:00

Ellie really likes Genie in a Bottle, we've discovered (or, as she calls it, The Song From the Game). She kept chanting "There's a price you have to say" earlier this week. I thought it was maybe from a song she learned at the retreat last weekend. Turns out it's from Genie in a Bottle. Now she knows several lines: If you want to be with me there's a price you have to pay. You gotta rub me the right way. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, my body's saying, "let's go." Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, but my heart is saying "no". Yes, she knows the redeeming line of the song now. She wants me to sing it ALL the time, which I'm reluctant to do, but it's just so funny. And bad. Mostly funny. But still bad.

Also, it finally happened. I mentioned before that Ellie's baby dolly tends to develop at the same rate as Matthew. She discovered yesterday that Baby Dolly can sit up, scooch, hold cereal (Matthew can just hold it. He spent, like, 5 minutes trying to get it in his mouth, then have it stay there.), and say Mama. Last night, though, Baby Dolly started breastfeeding. I was wondering when it was going to happen. I think Ellie finally acknowledged the breastfeeding because it contrasts with the actual food eating that Matthew's doing now. Anyway, her teachers told me that at school today she nursed a doll. They thought it was hilarious.

Ellie has yet to get back to normal after our two weekends away from home. For two nights, she had tantrums exceeding 2 hours at bedtime and ended up sleeping after 11. Crazy. Matthew, on the other hand, was never really on a regular schedule to begin with, so he's just fine. He goes to bed around 7 these days, which NEVER happened with Ellie. Anyway, Ellie's craziness is making me crazy, too. I think the sleep deprivation is getting to her, though, because she keeps telling me she's tired. She used to always just be in denial that she ever needed sleep at all. And last night she fell asleep at 9. Peter and I were shocked at how early it was when we were hanging out last night. Hopefully this will stick...

On a higher note, Ellie has figured out opposites. We got a Blue's Clues book from the library last week that had about 6 examples, and she totally got it after we read it once or twice. Next time you see her, ask her what the opposite of something is. Of course she wouldn't do it for her teacher, but she really does know it. She got all frustrated when she asked me what the opposite of "remote" was, and I told her there was no opposite. She also says the opposite of Matthew is Daddy and the opposite of Ellie is Mommy.

So Matthew has discovered scooching. He actually is pretty close to commando crawling. Meaning, it takes a long time, but he can travel pretty good distances. I guess napping on the bed is no longer an option for us. He's excellent at rotating around. One thing he's figured out is that there's always a pacifier in the bed with him when he sleeps. It's pretty great, actually, because he'll wake up, look for it, find it, stick it in his mouth, and go back to sleep. What a nice boy.

Speaking of nice boy, I have both kids sleeping now. I've gotten fairly good at manipulating their schedules so the naps coincide. I gotta use the time wisely. Gonna go watch Felicity and eat chocolate. Yes!

Oh be careful little ears what you hear...

2006-11-02T21:47:00.000-08:00

Ellie is totally at the age where she repeats anything and everything. And she remembers EVERYTHING. So much to the point that Danny decided to try an experiment with her. He told her that when she turned 5, he'd buy her a bicycle. Then he determined never to mention it again, to see if she'd remember. Unfortunately, she asks about it almost daily, so I think Danny's going to be buying a bike in 2 and a half years.

When we were at Danny and Jieun's place we played quite a bit of Karaoke Revolution. I didn't think Ellie was paying much attention, but as always, she was. Someone sang Genie in a Bottle. It's a catchy song, so Peter and I both kinda kept singing it every once in awhile. I guess something about it intrigued Ellie; maybe the fact that it was so different from the songs she was used to hearing (mostly Sesame Street and kids' praise songs).

So today we're in the car and this guy next to us is blasting some R&B stuff. Ellie says, "That song is coming from another car."
"Yes", I reply.
"What is it, Mama?"
"Umm... that's kinda crazy music."
Long pause. "My body's saying, 'Let's go.'"
"What?!" I ask.
"My body's saying, 'Let's go.' The song from the game."

Uh, OOPS! Of course, I died laughing after I realized what she was talking about, so of course, now she says it as much as possible. I told Peter about it, and as soon as he got home from work he sang to her, "Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa..." To which she promptly replied, "My body's saying, 'Let's go.'" I tried to teach her the part that immediately follows, "But my heart is saying, 'No.'" That hasn't stuck as well.

Another recent incident was that Ellie had performed her booty dance for her teacher. I asked what Mrs. Meier said after Ellie did it, and Ellie said, "Mrs. Meier laugh and laugh." I chuckled, but then Ellie says, "Mama. Mrs. Meier have a big butt." Umm.... "Did you tell Mrs. Meier that?" "No..." "OK. Don't tell her that. Don't tell anyone that." Yikes!

I remember when I taught, the kids would tell me ALL kinds of stuff. My lazy uncle just sits around in his underwear all day. Daddy slept in the guest room last night. My mom wants to call the police to come arrest my brother. I wonder what Ellie will share about us...!

A very long trip

2006-10-31T20:57:00.000-08:00

I don't think people realize, but oftentimes a family vacation is not much of a vacation to a stay-at-home-mom. Aside from the precious hour that I had out with Irene, I was doing pretty much what I always do, only in hotels or airplanes or cars.

Anyway, a lot of things happened, but here are some choice lessons I learned on this trip:

When you purposely plan a "bedtime" flight, it screws up your plans immensely when that flight leaves at 12:45 am.
5:00 am California time is too late to go to bed.
Two babies, one toddler, and two moms in a rental minivan with ambitious plans is just a lose-lose situation, any way you see it.
20 minutes is a long time to spend trying to figure out how to take the key out of the ignition of the rental minivan.
Two-year olds on 6 hours of sleep can be cranky and rude.
It is wishful thinking to hope that the terrible twos can end at 2 years and 3 months.
Uncles don't like to be barfed on.
Playing in the water in Carmel at sunset in late October with no pants on is a bad idea.
Sometimes it's OK to take the screaming baby out of the carseat when he is preventing all other children from sleeping.
Always carry extra tissues when 5 out of the 7 people traveling together are snotty.
A roadtrip with two babies and a toddler is very ambitious indeed.
Babies who can't sit up don't always cooperate with photo ops.

Don't get me wrong. We had a fun time. It was great seeing old friends and experiencing nature and getting out of Houston. HOWEVER, I understand why a lot of people don't plan trips with multiple small children. Exhausting.

Pics in the many photo ops to follow soon.

Insomniac children

2006-10-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

The kids both conspired together and decided today would be as sleepless as possible. I drove around for 20 minutes to get Ellie to fall asleep after school while Matthew wailed in hunger. As soon as we get home, she insists on waking up and keeping her brother up with her. She finally went to sleep, much earlier than the 10:00 she's been practicing, but still not that early. Matthew just conked out, too, after much feeding and soothing. Most of the time, they love each other like crazy. But there are days like this where they just rile each other up.

So anyway, I'm too tired to write anything, but here are some recent video clips. All Matthew. I added some new photos, too. Enjoy. I'm going to go to bed. After I do the laundry (because it's just sitting in the washer). And do the dishes (because they're still sitting on the table). And return some calls (because people are silly enough to call). And take a shower (because I'm kinda stinky). And eat some chocolate (because I bought a giant bag for Halloween). And watch Dancing with the Stars (because it's on). I'm tired.
Matthew hating his lion costume http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzE-OXADaZY
Matthew eating his foot http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMfyR7O9bCI
Matthew doing many tricks except the one I want http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2HQTEODRvg
Matthew tries a sippy cup http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Djzu9F103uk

A long bad day

2006-10-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days when NOTHING you plan works out, and all these things you DIDN'T plan happen? Argh. Today was one of those days. Actually, it really started last night. If you're not up for complaints, just stop reading. That's all this will be. And it'll be long.

Paul was in Houston for the weekend, and Joe and HaYoung came in town Sunday night. Since they wanted to see each other before Paul left on Tuesday, we arranged for them to come over after dinner last night. I was thinking around 7:30-ish, but things happen (like having two kids) and they didn't end up coming until 8:30 or so. I was thinking that as long as Ellie was in bed by 9:30, she'd be OK with school the next day. Unfortunately, as all those present are parking-lot-loiterers, they ended up staying until after 10. Then of course, Ellie was super wired and didn't fall asleep until just past midnight. That's right, midnight.

I had roasted a pumpkin last week and still had some puree left, so I decided to make pumpkin bread to take to HaYoung's mom and some mini muffins for Ellie and her friends. The bread still had a little while longer to bake, but I wanted to lie down with Ellie to make sure she went to bed (she came out, like, 7 times). So I asked Paul to take it out after five minutes. Don't forget. Five minutes. Five minutes, repeated Paul. One hour later, the bread comes out, a nice hard brick of pumpkin. (Don't worry, Paul, I wasn't that upset.)

By now, the headache I'd drugged away earlier that evening had returned. I'd fallen asleep in Ellie's bed, and woke up at 1:45 to go back to my own bed. The headache was keeping me from sleeping, and I had all these weird dreams about the rapture and vomiting (a logical combination), so I didn't really sleep at all. Then Matthew woke up at 5 and wouldn't go back to sleep (he'd been sleeping 12 hours straight for 3 nights). So I went in and fed him, but then he decided he wanted to play and didn't sleep for another 45 minutes. At this point I had decided that I would skip school for Ellie if she didn't wake up on her own by 8:30. I decide this, then fall asleep in Matthew's room.

8:25 rolled around and Matthew wakes me up. I heard Dora, so I assumed Ellie had woken up. Turns out Peter had woken her up 10 minutes previous to get her ready for school. At this point, it's obviously pointless to even keep her at home, despite her tiredness. So I got her dressed and went to get her a muffin. Only, 5 out of the 6 were gone. Peter had eaten them the night before. So I snapped at him, to his confusion, explaining that anything I make that's little and cute are obviously not for him, and got Ellie out of the house.

I dropped her off, then came home. I was supposed to get my couches and carpet cleaned at 10 this morning, rescheduling after they were running more than two hours late on Friday, the date of my original appointment. So Paul and I cleared the floors of the rooms to try to save the people some time. Then at 10:24 they called and say they were again running about two hours late. Did I still want them to come? That would be no, since I had to pick Ellie up at 1. I got all huffy and they offered me a 10% discount. Supposedly they're coming at 8 tomorrow morning. Third time's a charm? We'll have to wait and see.

So Peter had said that morning that he wanted to see Paul for lunch. We decided that if possible (depending on the carpet cleaning that was supposed to take place), I would drop Paul off at Peter's office at 12, then he would take Paul to the airport, allowing me to get Ellie home for a good long nap after school. So we went (having to wake up Matthew from a nap), and we got there to find Peter still with a patient. I tried to feed Matthew twice, but he was too distracted to eat. We kinda waited around for Peter to finish, but it was getting late.

So we finally got out at 12:40 or so after Peter and Paul exchanged maybe a single sentence. Then it started POURING rain. Of course I was running late and frantically called Ginny (also running late), Fay (no answer), and Ahra (no answer) to get someone to fetch Ellie from her class. I got to school at 1:10 and met Ginny, who was trying to figure out a way to get herself, Jacob, Abby, Hailey, and Ellie to the car with one umbrella. We took Ellie back into the school, as she was telling me, "I was looking for you!" and making me feel guilty. I found a room and finally got Matthew to eat. I went back to Ellie's classroom where she and Paul were reading, then Matthew barfed all over the rug.

Finally we got in the car. I tried to keep Ellie up, but she promptly fell asleep at 1:45. Matthew moaned and groaned for awhile, then fell asleep at 2. Dropped Paul off, drove out of the airport, got a call from Paul that his jacket was in my trunk. Turned around, dropped off the jacket, Matthew decided to then wake up. Realizing that there was no way Ellie would stay asleep once we got home, I started driving 55 on the Beltway and took the long way home to prolong her nap. She got about an hour and 15 minutes of sleep in the car before she woke up to more of Matthew's groaning.

We headed over to HaYoung's parents' house for dinner. I called La Madeline from the car and asked them to get a cheesecake boxed up for me (lack of pumpkin bread and all) so I could run in and pay and run out without having to unload the kids. I got there. There was a box. The lady opened it for me to see. There was a giant gash in the middle of the cheesecake. They went to the back to find another one. It takes a LOOONG time. My phone call was deemed absolutely pointless.

The rest of the night was OK. Matthew went down at the house, which was good. We had good food that I didn't have to cook. Got to hang out with friends we don't see often. Ellie still went to bed late, but before 10. That's better than midnight.

Are you still reading this? What a trouper! I'll be glad to wake up tomorrow and let this day be over. If the carpet cleaners actually show, it'll be the start of a good day..

Ellie's stories

2006-10-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

Peter started a bedtime ritual with Ellie a few months ago that involved telling her "stories" that started with "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Ellie Jung" and proceeded with retelling the events of her day. She's started telling stories now, too. Here are a few, verbatim.

Once upon a time, named Mommy Jung. One day Mommy Jung have an accident. Pee pee on the ground. It was so yucky! P-U! And the diaper have poo poo come out of it. The end.

Once upon a time, named Mommy Jung. Mommy Jung put the baby in the bed. The baby not sleepy but... Mrs. Taco put the baby in the oven. They broke the oven. The end.

Once upon a time, named beautiful Mommy. Mommy had a ring on her finger right there. And they broke mommy's ring. Not my mommy, the other mommy's ring. They broke it and eat it and put it in the oven. The end.

She also likes to type. Here are a few samples, followed by what she says she wrote.
jjjjjjjjmmkl (I love Matthew)
jmml,m,//,k. kjmmk, nioyhjigoiu ngughbuhbnjmunhjvlhlithuinyujkujh (abcdefg next time won't you sing with me)
bbjvbnvc jolo;;l'klo.;;;; (I love Mommy)
;',;;;/.;liol;.';;k.;;k;,;ml,kil.;,;.,,/l jdsh gfgbhgfgvhntgvgcfghfxghvfg (Dora)

Future writer in the making, I tell you.

America loves Asians

2006-09-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Check this out:
http://www.cbs.com/primetime/survivor13/community/popularity/

Interesting, huh?

Downwardslopingarchlessmessybrows

2006-09-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

I brought Ellie with me today to get my eyebrows threaded. Every time I go, the Indian ladies comment on the fact that I have no arches. Once one lady decided she could give me arches, but I ended up with pencil line thin brows, which were even less flattering.

So Ellie is watching me get threaded and tortured for the sake of beauty, and she declares afterward, "Your eyebrows pretty, Mommy." Rather than being flattered or touched, I look sympathetically at my sweet girl with her downwardslopingarchlessmessybrows and sigh sadly. Soon, my dear Ellie, you too will need to get your brows threaded. I'm sorry that you inherited your brows from me (although Peter's brows weren't necessarily a better alternative).

I've come to realize that my kids have inherited my butt and thighs. Unfortunate for all. Ellie, now potty trained, had difficulty pulling her underwear up past her butt by herself. Her thunder thighs bulge out of her ballet leotard, and she, like Mommy, gets perpetual wedgies. I'm hoping it's more baby fat than anything else, but Matthew's thighs are quite bulgy as well.

Another thing Ellie inherited? My crowded-crooked teeth. We went to her first dentist appointment this week. Everything was fine, but the dentist expressed some concern that Ellie's teeth were already crowded. She confirmed that Ellie would definitely have braces, no question about that. Sad.

So that's what Ellie got from me. Downwardslopingarchlessmessybrows, bulbous butt, thunder thighs, and crowded-crooked teeth. Everything else, apparently, is from Peter.

Or is it? Peter figured out how to scan pictures and upload them, so here is photographic proof that my children do resemble me at some point in my life. I'm so tired of everyone saying they look like Peter. You carry them around in your body for so long and get no physical recognition for it. Sheesh.

First I look like Matthew in a dress:

Then a few pages later, Ellie with thicker hair:

Right?! Are you with me?! Notice the two sets of pictures don't look like me at all. They don't even look like each other. Makes sense since Ellie and Matthew don't really look alike. So maybe someday one of my kids will look like I do now. We'll see.

Rowr.

2006-09-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

Survivor

2006-09-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

Are people watching the new Survivor? I haven't watched it since college, but since my friend's ex is on it, of course my interest is piqued.

In case you don't know, it's all controversial this season due to separating tribes by races. There's the Hispanic, Caucasian, African American, and Asian American. I think it's interesting that the Hispanic tribe isn't called Hispanic American. Like, why is it OK to be just plain Hispanic, but to be called just plain Asian is slightly racist? Jieun? Hmm...

I can't tell if people are just falling into the stereotypes or if the producers are hamming them up. Probably a little of both, I'm sure. I was about to list some examples, but some are just so darn racist that I feel bad writing them down. The African Americans are very sensitive to the labeling, it seems. They feel a lot of pressure to "represent", as they keep saying. In addition to winning challenges and whatever, they say that they have to present themselves well, for the sake of their race, more so than the others. That's kind of interesting.

The Asians are certainly "representing", having won both challenges so far. Despite the annoying old guy (who's only 6 years older than the Filipino girl), they've come up with good strategies and work together well.

I wonder if any of the non-Caucasians are white washed and feel uncomfortable in this grouping. I feel like amongst Asians, each nationality can get clique-y. If you hang out with Asians, it's almost always just those that are the same nationality as you, you know? I guess there are two Koreans and two Filipinos. I wonder if the Filipinos have bonded like the Koreans have.

I sort of think Yul could win this thing! He already found the immunity idol. To be honest, I'm not sure what that even means, but I'm fairly certain it's a good thing. The Hispanic tribe decided he was the strongest player in the game and sent him to Exile Island (which I don't fully understand, either). Why is Exile Island bad, aside from the seclusion? He got a chance to find the idol, so that's good. Besides, there are cameras on him all the time, so he's not exactly alone, right? I wonder if the crew is forbidden to talk to him or anything like that.

The show keeps referring to this as a social experiment. Just seems stereotypical so far. Not so much racist, but cliche. Interesting, though. Another reality show to add to my DVR list.

Bad bad manager

2006-09-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

By the way, I talked to the manager at the Woodlands Gymboree today about complaining about Pilar, and she gave my number to the District Manager. I'm so looking forward to talking to her. Also, I got another email from customer service today that said my complaint was being taken to the District and Regional managers. The person even mentioned Pilar in her email. Peter thinks I need to get others to complain about her, too. Anyone with me?! Maybe I'll start a petition...

Differences

2006-09-20T23:51:00.001-07:00

Even in utero, I sensed a big difference between Ellie and Matthew. Matthew would pummel me internally. Like there would literally be times when he'd kick, and it felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. My OB said it was partially due to the fact that I had low amniotic fluid with Ellie that I didn't feel her so much, but Matthew was constantly moving then and hasn't stopped since.

Parents often say they feel guilty about their second/third/whatever else kids because they don't get as much attention or whatever as their firstborn. While that's true, I've also discovered that with the second, you kinda fix mistakes you made the first time around.

Ellie: I either nursed her or rocked her to sleep for a year and a half, then one of us would lie down in bed with her until she fell asleep (for awhile, it was BOTH of us) at night, or drive her around until she fell asleep for naps pretty much until very recently.
Matthew: For naps, I put him on his tummy and stick the binky in his mouth. He's out within a couple of minutes without crying. It's WONDERFUL. And he likes napping!

Ellie: I got a baby book and wrote down the dates of all the "firsts" listed (first smile, first step, first haircut, etc.).
Matthew: I got a first year calendar so whenever ANYTHING happens, I write it down. When did Ellie try butternut squash? I don't know. When did Matthew? That would be September 15!

Ellie: One of us would have to sit in the backseat with her, especially at night, as she would scream her head off in the carseat until she was about 8 months.
Matthew: Screamed his head off in the carseat until he was about 2 months. Now he's totally fine and enjoys looking at himself in the mirror.

Ellie: Rejected the bottle at 4 months due to Mommy's laziness in pumping. I couldn't be apart from her for more than a few hours... ever.
Matthew: Gets a bottle daily and chugs to his heart's content. Mommy can go shopping. Or get a pedicure.

Alice said she babied Ryan more because he was, well, her baby. I kinda feel like that, too. I don't know if it's a gender thing or what, but I feel very differently towards Matthew than I did towards Ellie at this stage. Not bad, different. Just different. I always told people that Matthew was harder than Ellie, and he was as a newborn, but he's gotten a LOT LOT easier.

Here's something interesting. I've decided that I want another baby. Not anytime in the near future, mind you. Definitely after Matthew's potty trained. I am still in my twenties, after all. I really can't foresee us stopping, although we said we would when Matthew was first born. I love babies. I love MY babies even more. Anyway, the realization of this desire was kind of a shock to me. Not unexpected to most, I'm sure.

Evil Gymboree Manager

2006-09-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

I wonder what it would take to get someone fired. As someone who works for a large corporation, a manager of a small store is really someone pretty piddly in the grand scheme of things.

Anyone who has shopped at Town and Country Gymboree knows who I'm talking about. Pilar. (Imagine me saying this with a scrunchy face and a whiny voice.) She is so extremely rude that I go out of my way to avoid her. I discovered she doesn't work weekends, so I try to shop there then. I also went to Willowbrook once so I wouldn't have to see her. I shop online and pay shipping to avoid her. Ridiculous!

She is courteous and helpful to two types of people: other South Americans, and rich white Memorial-y ladies that leave with multiple shopping bags. To me (and almost every other one of my friends who shop there), she is rude, abrupt, and acts all annoyed. Today Jenn and I were there. Pilar and the other manager were at the registers with a customer, so we got in line. We had been waiting about 5 minutes when Pilar finished. Instead of checking me out, one of her "friends" just goes to the register. Jenn was like, "Are you going to say something?" I replied sadly, "I never say anything." Because as shameless as I am, as angry as I am, I am first and foremost an avoider of confrontation.

What ended up happening was that the other manager cut in and told Pilar that we had been waiting. So she gets all annoyed and rings me up, then gets even more annoyed when I use a merchandise credit I have, then all reluctantly asks if I need a gift box (which I did). After she was done, she started turning to her friend again (who I think was complaining in Spanish), looked at Jenn and asked all huffy, "Were you waiting, too?" Rings Jenn up, asks angrily if Jenn needed a gift receipt (yes), then angrily punches the register keys to get her one.

I really wanted to tell her off. OK, not really tell her off, but do it in my meek polite way. "Excuse me, I'm just wondering why you find it necessary to be so rude to me and my friend for checking us out when we had been waiting in line." I really wanted to say it in front of her "friends" to see how she would respond. I'm fairly certain she wouldn't have apologized. Jenn was saying that maybe Pilar wasn't aware she was doing it. Silly Jenn, newcomer to Town and Country Gymboree. Oh yeah, she knows.

So I actually wrote an email complaining about her to customer service about a month ago. I specified exact things she says and does that make me feel unwelcome, to the point of dreading shopping there. I said that several friends feel the same way. I didn't play the race card, but maybe I should've. Grace said that she saw Pilar at the Galleria Janie and Jack, so we got all hopeful thinking she'd been transferred. Alas, she is still there.

Anyway, I got a response from them. It wasn't a form letter, so I was feeling pretty hopeful. They were very apologetic, said they appreciated my letter since direct customer input was the best way to identify things that needed to be changed, etc. Apparently, it didn't really have an effect. Peter thinks it's ridiculous, the effort I take to avoid this lady, but she really is a rather yucky lady. The evil part of me wants to get her fired. I wonder what it would take. I wonder if I could get enough people to sign a petition or something. Should I play the race card? Is that just being evil? My class got a substitute teacher fired in 6th grade. Granted, he really was a big jerk and shouldn't have been subbing in elementary school, but the power trip it gave us was overwhelming.

Geez. I just want to get some cute clothes for my kids. Why does it have to involve such drama?

Tidbits

2006-09-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

Matthew slept 11 hours straight the other night. That is, I turned off the monitor and didn't go to get him until 11 hours had passed. This crying it out thing is painful. I didn't mind getting 6 straight hours of sleep, though. Hooray! Thought I'd post some videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eA2WNaC-T0s
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_ofIvJOA-M

We changed ballet schools, following Ellie's original teacher to one of her own studios (she had quit in August). The new teacher the first school had hired was hardcore ballerina/non-nurturing preschool teacher. She actually yelled at Hailey because Hailey wanted to be held, then she yelled at Hailey and Ellie for lying on the ground. Then she made them do EVERY ballet move known to man during the 45 minutes. Ballerina Nazi teacher. Here's a video of her doing some moves.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nITp5dCrpRE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15KaXjKkCjI
This is another I came across from when she was about 15-16 months, I think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPvBK7u-zVc

I watched Akeelah and the Bee last night. Reminded me of Bring It On. And Take the Lead. And Mad Hot Ballroom (OK, that was a documentary, but still). And the TNT movie about the teacher with Chandler as the teacher. In other words, predictable and feel good to the point of cheese. It made me reminiscent of my spelling bee days. I actually went to County in 7th grade. My mom had made me study daily, and I hated it. So when I found myself in the top 4 at County, knowing the top 3 went to State, I blew it on purpose so I wouldn't have to study more. I said "f" instead of "ph". When I returned to my seat, my mom looks at me glaringly and says, "That was so obviously ph." Then she didn't speak to me for days.

There was a cold front in Houston. 2 glorious days of highs in the 80s. We're back in the 90s now. And that was fall and winter.

I'm trying to experiment more with cooking. I have to say, Food Network really inspires me. We hosted house church this week, and nearly everything I made was from some Food Network show. I forgot to salt and pepper the flank steak. Oops. Very important. Too bad there isn't a Korean food show. I think if I watched it, I'd be inspired to make more Korean.

I can't stop buying clothes for my kids. My specific weaknesses are shoes for both of them, cute tops for Ellie, and button down shirts for Matthew. You should see their shoe basket. Granted, Matthew only has 3 pairs of shoes, but the child can't even sit up yet. And Ellie has, like, 3 pairs of boots. Sigh. Gotta get a grip on this.

Ellie's stubbornness is getting stronger. Christen was over the other day, and I told Ellie not to do something in front of her. She got all haughty and wouldn't apologize or obey me. It's like she didn't want to lose her ground or something. It was pretty fascinating, actually, evidence of inherent sinfulness. It was more interesting when you take into account that she doesn't behave that way when we're alone. Another thing is that she behaves differently with Christen than her other friends. They're almost competetive with each other. I totally see them as being the catty kind of friends growing up, especially as teenagers. Love-hate, gossipy about each other, etc. Sad, isn't it?! It upsets me. Hopefully it's a phase they'll grow out of.

That's it for now. I posted some new pics on my flickr thing if anyone's interested!

I survived.

2006-09-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

Ellie's first day of school was yesterday. OK, it wasn't really her first day of school, as Peter kept pointing out. First day of Mothers' Day Out, but still. First day being apart from me, aside from when I had Matthew. I thought I might cry when she went in, but I was positive I'd lose it if Ellie cried. Neither of us did, so that was good.
Everyone was saying not to worry, that she'd love it. I wasn't ever really worried about her. I was more worried for me! In fact, Ellie was too excited to go into class to notice me almost crying. A tiny evil part of me was hoping she would cry, just to validate her need for me, but all the other moms were saying I need to be grateful that she liked school. There were a heck of a lot of other kids crying. I'm sure I would've been a complete mess if she had cried.

Her analysis of the day included the following facts: she had five friends, two boys cried and "that" (pointing to a girl) did as well, she did paint, Mrs. Meier read a story, they sang Wheels on the Bus, she tried and tried to pee pee but couldn't, she likes the assistant teacher more than the head teacher, the color of the week is red (true) and sometimes yellow and orange too (not true), and she and Hannah were good girls, not naughty girls.

Anyway, I needed some time to process it, and I think I'm OK now. My baby is truly growing up. She's potty trained, she goes to school, she has chores, she knows her birthday and how old everyone in our family is (BTW, Peter is 25 for some reason), she knows how to use the remote to get Dora from the DVR... Sigh. Clearly, she still loves me the best. What's funny, though, is that she's somehow learned to be diplomatic. Peter was home today, and we were all just chatting. I go, "Ellie, who's your most favorite person in the world?" She looks at us and says, "Both of you." Nice.

What is up with my unhealthy attachment issues? Lucky for me Ellie is more independent than I. She actually has an ideal amount of attachment to and independence from me. She wants me around, but is fine if I'm not. Not that I don't appreciate my time away from her, but I like hanging out with my little girl. She cracks me up. The other day she asked me, "Mommy, I talk constantly?" The answer would be yes.

So now that I'm over my depression (for the most part), I think I'll start really valuing the time away from her soon. After all, it is called Mothers' Day Out. How interesting it'll be to only need the single stroller. And now that Matthew's bigger, I can bring the single umbrella stroller. Weird. I'm going shopping tomorrow.

So thanks, those who worried about me. I made it! Oh, and Ellie did fine, too. :)

Memories...

2006-09-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

How far back do we remember? My first clear memories are of preschool. I remember getting in trouble for licking markers when they were dry, I remember James Kim coming home from kindergarten (they were using our address, I believe, so he could go to our school), I remember graduating from the nursery at church to the children's service.

Then I have these memories that have obviously been dramatized in my mind. We visited Oregon once and Grandpa John had gotten this car with cruise control. It was the first time anyone in the car had experienced it, so we were cruising through some hilly roads. I was sitting in the back on someone's lap (unbuckled, of course), and I opened the door while the car was moving. I'm fairly certain what happened was that the adult on whose lap I was sitting reached out and closed the door, and that was the end of that. In my mind, however, I very clearly remember gripping on to the handle and flying for several minutes as the door flung outward and the car was driving at top speed. Another memory I have is in first grade when Gus threw up on me/my desk. I think he just kinda threw up and some spilled on me. What I remember, though, is him gagging a few times, then the momentum of his projectile vomiting throwing him backwards across the room.

Another strange thing is that I remember so much from elementary school. Like two Christmases ago, Danny and I realized that, together, we could remember all the lyrics to a song we sang in elementary school choir (he remembered the chorus, I remembered the verse). But ask me what someone said to me two days ago, and I'm clueless. I've found that my brains have withered away since I got pregnant with Ellie. Then I just got stupider and stupider after she was born, then with the second pregnancy, and now Matthew. My excuse for everything is that I have no brains. It's like that movie Memento. I have to write down on my hand why I'm going to the kitchen so when I get there I know what to do.

One thing about Ellie that always really impresses me is her memory. She remembers all kinds of things. Like when we went to NY in November, everytime she saw my cousin Pete he was sleeping since he works nights. Then when we saw him again in August, she was like, "Uncle Pete awake? He not night night?"

We were playing at Hailey's a couple of weeks ago, and she was riding Hailey's little trike. She loved it, so I said nonchalantly that maybe we'd do another potty chart so she could get a bike. Then we were at Pottery Barn Kids today and had these reward certificates to use. We had about $30 left, so we got her the vacuum cleaner. I said, "Ellie, Mommy and Daddy got you this vacuum because we're so proud that you go poo poo in the potty and have no accidents!" She says to me, "Oh! I get a bicycle later then?" Oops.

The most recent thing she did that impressed me was remembering lyrics to songs she listened to before she could really talk. We have this DVD of Jana Alayra, this children's praise music writing lady from Saddleback. She used to watch it everyday before she turned two. She'd try to do the motions and stuff and sing along, to the best of her ability. She got tired of it, I guess, and hadn't watched the DVD in several months. I played it again for her last week, and she's totally singing along with all these songs. Crazy! It's like she knew the words back then but lacked the physiological and neurological capabilities necessary to produce them. Seriously, isn't that crazy? Crazy. I wonder if she, too, will be stupid after two babies.

Growing up

2006-08-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

We started Matthew on cereal last Saturday. LOVES it. Cries in between spoonfuls because he wants more so badly. Coincidentally, Ellie's baby dolly has also started cereal. She can also roll over from back to tummy, as can Matthew. Baby dolly also enjoys being lifted in the air like Superman and needs a binky in the car. Anyway, I can't believe he's already on solids. I cried when Ellie started because it represented a move towards independence. Well, just not being completely dependent on me anymore. Sad. Here's a video of Matthew eating. Harold took it and made a point to show Peter videotaping with our video camera, and Ellie videotaping with her video camera that came in Dora's Talking Backpack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5RwMLiNZyY

As a side note, for any moms of infants out there, I got this new product at Babies R Us. I forget what it's called, but it's this little mesh pouch with a handle. You put fresh fruit in there, and the baby can gnaw at it without getting chunks for potential choking. Matthew devoured a piece of peach (yes, I went from rice cereal to peaches in a matter of 3 days), but got frustrated because he couldn't keep it in his mouth himself. That's probably because you're not supposed to give peaches to a baby who can't hold stuff in his mouth himself. Whatever. But it's in the feeding section at Babies R Us, next to sippy cups and spoons and stuff. Great product. Usually when you puree stuff, you have to cook it and lose nutrients, so this is a nice alternative. We'll see if I end up making his food like I did Ellie's. I'm going to try.

We met Ellie's teacher yesterday. I have a pretty good feeling about her going to school. I think she'll love it. I know I'm going to cry that first day, though. My baby... I actually WAS crying once when I was cuddling with her after she woke up from her nap (soon after potty training started). She asked why I was crying, and I said, "Soon you aren't going to need me anymore, Ellie. You're such a big girl. You still need me, right?" She answers, "Um... sometimes I need you. When I go on the potty I still need you. Sometimes I no need you anymore." I laughed, but I was still kinda sad. So now she knows; when she's trying to butter me up, she goes, "I still need you, Mommy." But other times she tells me, "I no need you anymore. I go potty by myself." And it makes me sad. My big girl... :( Think of me from 9-1 next Tuesday. I will be all mopey and crying. Maybe it's the hormones... but probably just my unhealthy attachment issues again.

By the way, go down to the bottom of this page and look at my Flickr thing. Those first pics of Matthew... who does he look like? When I first saw them, I was like, "OH MY GOODNESS, he looks EXACTLY like..." then I couldn't finish the sentence. I'm fairly certain it's someone in my family, but I'm not sure who. Any takers?

A boring update

2006-08-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

So... what's been going on with us? Not too much.

With Ellie, potty-training is going fairly well. Some days, no accidents. Some days, two accidents. She finally told me she had to poo BEFORE she did it, so that was exciting. She earned all her stickers on her potty chart and got her Dora's Talking Backpack, about which she is VERY excited. She takes it everywhere and sleeps with it (it's hard plastic). I kinda think she's more excited about it because she earned it. I dunno... maybe I'm giving her more credit than she deserves, but this is the most enthusiastic she's been about any toy ever. Now she says she wants a talking Boots, but such a toy doesn't exist. Earning of the toys has been a good experience, though, so we may keep up the chart and just reward her with stuff we'd get her anyway.

Matthew got his first haircut yesterday. We went to a special kiddie haircut place and paid a stinkin' $15. RIP OFF! The lady just hacked away at it and it looks all crazy. It also makes him look like a big boy, which, of course, makes me sad. His hair isn't all soft and wispy anymore. Ooh, look! I embedded a video. The funniest part of this video is Ellie repeating everything I say in the same sing-songy voice.

I also started making Matthew "cry it out" at night instead of feeding/consoling/cuddling him when he wakes up. I never had the heart to do it to Ellie. We failed Ferberizing several times, but I guess that's OK since Feberizers have been discovered to be a cult. Anyway, I'm in the bed with him, and I just turn my back to him when he cries. It helps me tremendously. I don't know about Matthew. I couldn't NOT have him sleep through the night any longer, you know? I'm tired. It's working, though. The first night he woke up and cried 3 times in 8 hours, the second time once in 10 hours, then he slept over 8 hours, and last night he slept 9 hours. So we're on our way.

I'm reading Blue Like Jazz, since Paul left it for us. People are totally into this book, I guess, but I'm totally not. I presume the author has some pretty interesting perspectives and some insightful things to say, but I'm just so annoyed with his writing style that I can't concentrate on what he's talking about. I HATE the way he keeps explaining himself by saying "I am talking about" such and such. And he's so jumpy with his subject matter. Very annoying.

SYTYCD is over. Yesterday was so... unexciting. I just put the kids to bed, cleaned up, and went to bed. Sad. Soon there will be Dancing with the Stars. Just gotta hold on to that.

And that's about it. Pretty boring.

The ambitious potty trainer

2006-08-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

So I started off bribing with jellybeans. By noon of the second day, Ellie had eaten 12 jellybeans. Change of plans. I made a chart with 25 squares on it. For each potty, she got to put on a sticker. Then when she filled it, she would get Dora's Talking Backpack (I put a picture of the toy on the chart so she would be reminded).

She had just peed before I made the chart, so we went ahead and put one sticker on it. Then she said she wanted to go again. I was doubtful and didn't want her to feel bad, so I tried to discourage her. She insisted, so I put her back on the potty and lo and behold, there was pee pee. We cheered, we danced, we put on a sticker. Then she said she wanted to go AGAIN. I tried to explain that your body doesn't always have pee pee in it and such, but again she insisted. So we sat down, she grimaced, and sure enough, there was more pee pee. Three stickers in ten minutes.

Three things I realized from this experience. 1) Whereas she only needed about 4 diaper changes a day before, the thrill of getting stickers has somehow caused her bladder to shrink. By the end of day 2 of the chart, we now have 13 stickers. 2) She obviously did not inherit my lack of ambition that my mom always gripes about. Sheesh. I didn't even know you could will your body to produce more urine. 3) Ellie probably could've been potty trained awhile ago. I just didn't put the effort into it. Dora's Potty Book helped.

So my show is over. Fairly anti-climactic as Benji won, like I expected. My DVR did cut off the last few minutes, after which I completely panicked, but I checked the message boards and found I didn't really miss anything.

BTW, these message board people are INSANE. They write fictional stories about the contestants and are convinced that Donyelle and Benji are a couple. They swore that Benji would propose during the finale. OK, crazies!

Now what do I do on Wednesdays?

An unfortunate development, a victorious day

2006-08-14T20:08:00.000-07:00

Matthew STILL does not sleep through the night. Unfortunately, he learned to roll over (while we were in our NY hotel, all four of us sleeping in one king size bed). So now when he wakes up at night, he rolls over and flails like a cockroach and cries until consoled. Unfortunate. I'm trying to give him a binky instead of feeding him with the hopes that that'll make him eventually sleep through the night. What happened when I did that last night, however, was that he peed so much he leaked through his diaper. (I usually change him after I feed him, and I didn't want to change him and wake him up.) I got a good ripping-on from Peter's partner the other week for still feeding him at night. Apparently he's a big fan of the "cry your brains out until you learn" method.

One really cute thing about the rolling over is that when he's ready to wake up in the morning, he'll roll over and just start smiling like crazy. He doesn't even smile AT people. He just grins like a madman. So happy to not have his face mushed into the bed. Then when you DO look at him, he smiles even more. I almost don't mind the waking up at night when he smiles like that.

Ellie slept through the night when she was 7 weeks old, but putting her to sleep was always an issue (still is, really). She had to be fed, rocked, sung to, read to, cuddled, and stayed with (in that progressive order) until she fell asleep. Then she slept for at least 10 hours. Matthew has no problem going to sleep. If he's drowsy, I can pretty much put him on the bed on his tummy and pat him on the back a little, then he'll go to sleep on his own. He just wakes up after a few hours.

Anyway, he has also cut his first tooth. Three and a half months is pretty early. That means constant drooling and gnawing, but he's lacking the development to hold a teething toy in his hand and put it in his mouth. Again unfortunate. People always think it's hard to breastfeed a baby with teeth, but the truth is that you don't feel it. The tongue covers the bottom teeth, so we're OK in that aspect.

HOWEVER... Ellie and I decided that today would be the first real day of potty training. I put her in underwear, and she actually went in the potty three times! OK, so she pooped and peed in her diaper during/after her nap (thank goodness I had the foresight to stick a diaper on her), and she DID pee in the carseat on the way home from Grandma's, but still. Three times in the potty - MAJOR victory! And she's been going to bed by herself for the past few nights, too. We're making progress, people. There was a lot of dancing and cheering going on today.

So I'm happy, but at the same time I'm also kind of sad. She's growing up so much. I feel guilty because since she's become the older child, there are so many more expectations put on her. She's become so much more functional and independent, which I want... sort of. I really wish she'd just stay a baby, though. I don't want a big girl. I want my sweet baby forever. When she got up on her stepping stool and turned on the faucet, got soap, washed her hands, came down and dried them for the first time, I was sadly proud. When I got paperwork from her Mothers' Day Out program yesterday, I almost cried. When she pulled up her underwear by herself without the back hooking under her butt, I got a little misty. Sigh. My baby really is a big girl.

Maybe it's the breastfeeding hormones. Maybe it's my unhealthy attachment issues. Maybe it's normal. I dunno. I can't decide if I'm more proud or more sad about her accomplishments. At least I only have to buy one size of diapers from now on.

Oh - here's a video of Ellie from last summer riding one of those quarter ride things. I don't know why I find it so funny, but Peter and I couldn't stop laughing when we watched this (three times in a row). Sigh. Back when she was an only child, dependent on Mommy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCUsqwEE0yI

Impressed with Myself

2006-08-12T00:06:00.000-07:00

I know it's totally unimpressive to most people who read this, but I just downloaded SYTYCD, joined Flickr, uploaded my photos, made an icon for myself, and created a badge (is that common terminology?) for this page. I have no idea how I did it. I mostly just followed directions, but even that is pretty impressive to me. I was all excited when I figured out how to put links on this page, too. I still don't know how to embed videos, but maybe in time (and after reading a lot of FAQ pages) I'll figure it out. I've never taken a computer class more intricate than, like, How To Use Windows in my life.

I posted our NY trip photos for anyone who wants to see them. They're all hazy. That teaches us to let Ellie play with expensive equipment.

Oh yeah, and Cousin Pete directed me on how to download the show. So I have it. It took FOREVER! Why do people watch TV only in this manner? I don't get it. Anyway, it's really late, so I'm saving it to watch in its entirety tomorrow. I just watched the intro where each dancer does a little ditty then the girls and boys walk to the front of then across the stage. That's the lamest part of the show. Still, I'm super excited. Thanks, Cousin Pete!

It's so late. Ellie's going to be up in a few hours. Better get to bed. Just wanted to share my personal victory.

Cousins

2006-08-10T20:52:00.000-07:00

What a nice thing, cousins. It's like, more than a friend, less than a sibling. OK, that's so not deep. Anyway, I have six cousins total on both sides of my family. We saw the Oregon ones the most often, which, sadly, was about 3 times during childhood. Somehow, with the Korean connection that happens in college/young adulthood, we've become much closer. Also, we're all fairly close in age. Danny's the oldest at 30, and Maggie's the youngest at 24. Peter, on the other hand, has about 37 bajillion cousins, some of whom have children that are closer to us in age. All but 3 live in Korea. Of the 3, one is 47. So very different situations.

Maybe it's different for those who grew up around extended family, but, like I said, we rarely saw each other growing up. But I love seeing them because there's just no awkwardness and instant comfortable-ness. Comfortability? Whatever. And Ellie keeps saying Maggie Eemo is her favorite eemo and Uncle Pete is her favorite uncle (sorry, Paul, Danny, and Marsh).

As of late, we've seen our cousins pretty often. We've seen them 3 times in the past year, which is equivalent to the number of times we saw each other in the first 20 years of my life. It's great. I was so excited to take a picture at Pete's restaurant with him. Mostly because there is no picture in existence of just the two of us. Aw... cute.

So now Ellie and Matthew have a cousin. Ellie was really excited to meet Abby. We thank God for her everyday before bed, so there was definitely some hype surrounding the meeting. Did Abby like Ellie? Maybe not so much since she's so LOUD all the time, but Ellie did not care. Just as she does not care when Matthew is protesting her "affection". They are cousins, so Ellie instantly loved her. Like she says, Abby is her favorite cousin. I'm hoping that since they're so close in age, Matthew and Abby will grow up being fairly close. They'll definitely see each other more often than Danny and I saw our Oregon cousins, so that should help.

One thing about my cousins that has always been so striking to me is the fact that our families are SOOO different. Theirs is affectionate and emotional (much bawling took place during Marsh's reception by all named Cho), ours was rather dignified and prudish. The Chos are super close, even all living together in the same apartment, Maggie and Marsh even sharing a ROOM. Danny and I couldn't even fathom sharing a large house. And somehow, their dad and my mom are siblings. It's hard to imagine them living together, sharing a life together, at one point playing together.

Abby and my kids are pretty different, too. Abby is very serious, introverted, and calm. My kids are happy-go-lucky, silly, and active. Ellie is a social butterfly, always has been. Even in infancy, she loved being in groups of people, let anyone hold her, smiled at everybody. Matthew's a little more withdrawn. He gets flustered when it's too loud or he's passed around too many times, but he's mostly OK with it. Abby clearly takes after Danny, and I think Matthew takes after me. I like people, but I need my quiet time even more. Ellie, obviously, is just like Peter. Ham. Clown.

My parents are not close to any of their siblings, even less so with their cousins. It makes me happy that our generation has changed that. I hope our kids' generation will be even closer. Aw... cute.

Sorry for the smudginess and flashes. Turns out Ellie had been playing with the camera and smeared the lens with her fingers. Boo.

Oh NOOOOOOO!

2006-08-09T21:33:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

As usual, I tried to get all my chores done before settling down to watch my show in peace when I discover (GASP!) it didn't record! I KNOW I saw the little symbol thing on the schedule for today, indicating that it was supposed to record.

I seriously want to barf. Is that overboard?

PLEASE tell me someone recorded this. I will pay money to anyone who will give me a copy/let me come over and watch it. Argh, friends of mine who don't care about this show! Especially those of you with Tivo!!!! I shake my fist in frustration!

Home

2006-08-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

We're back! It's 2:03 am, 3:03 NY time. What in the world am I doing up?

Crazy trip. We thought traveling with Ellie was hard - traveling with TWO babies? Ridiculous. Plus, I left the Bjorn in the first cab we took, as soon as we got in the city. Oops. Primary mode of transportation for Matthew GONE! Fortunately Danny and Jieun had a Bjorn, so we were able to use theirs while Abby rode in the stroller. Strollers in subway stations? Not fun. Strollers on the Ramble through Central Park? Also not fun. Lolipops and cupcakes as part of a daily diet? Fun for Ellie, not for Mommy. FYI - the Museum of Radio and Television History - all you do is pay money to watch TV. Granted, they have every TV show known to man, but that's seriously all it is. Don't do it. Especially if it'll make you late for your flight home.

Definitely some good times - baby cousins meeting, grown-up cousins getting married, chef cousins taking us to their restaurant... I'll have to write more about it when I have a little more clarity of the mind.

Ellie made it about halfway down the aisle. Marshall had to meet her and take her up the rest of the way. We videotaped it. I'll post it, eventually. We have some hilarious pics, too, mostly of the baby cousins. I don't know when I'll get those up since Jieun took most with her camera.

YES. SYTYCD is on tomorrow (tonight!). BOO. It's the final show.

More Ellieisms

2006-08-02T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm already depressed that next week is the finale of my show. What will I do on my sacred Wednesday night now? There's no point in discussing the show. It's fairly obvious that Benji's going to win. The interesting thing would be seeing how the voting ended up. I'm pretty certain he receives a good majority of votes each week. Sigh. Depressed.

Anyway. I started doing this thing with Ellie once she got older where I'd make Peter out to be, like, her hero. Anytime anything broke, I'd say Daddy would fix it (I mean anything, even a ripped book page or something). So now she thinks he's pretty much invincible. I was trying to figure out carseat situations in NY for our trip while she was napping. When she woke up we had this conversation -
Me: Mommy doesn't want to take your carseat to New York.
Ellie: You no like my carseat?
Me: No, I like it. It's just too heavy. I don't want to bring it.
Ellie: It's not too heavy.
Me: It's pretty heavy.
Ellie: It's not too heavy for Daddy. Daddy strong.
Of course, Peter was all touched when I told him the story. And I've told it so many times, Ellie keeps telling me that Daddy's strong. I love it that she has that image of him, though. That's how it should be, you know?

I've been trying rather fruitlessly to potty train her. I'm bribing her with jellybeans. She gets 3 if she actually goes, and 1 for valiant effort. Unfortunately she's discovered the beauty of the valiant effort bean and manipulates it. The other day she sat on the potty for about 30 seconds, declared "Nothing come out. I think maybe pee pee go night night. One jelly belly, please." Argh.

She's also very excited about Uncle Marshall's wedding. Mostly because I told her Maggie Eemo would give her a lolipop if she did a good job. She's apparently been thinking about it a lot. Tonight she said, "Mommy. At Uncle Marshall's wedding, I flowergirl and I have the flowers and I put it on the ground tink! and I put more on the ground tink! and I put it in my pail. And Maggie Eemo give me a lolipop?" That sounds about right. Another time she was talking to herself about it and said, "I flowergirl Uncle Paul's wedding? No, that's not right. Uncle Marshall's wedding." No, Ellie ... not Uncle Paul's.

She's all into picking her clothes now. So two things that are on her mind are picking her clothes and Uncle Marshall's wedding. She has planned her wardrobe for the trip, which mostly includes wearing Dora underwear over pants, her ballerina skirt, and pink socks with fruit on them with hot pink sneakers that are two sizes too big. She keeps taking stuff out of the closet and telling me, "I wear this at Uncle Marshall's wedding."

Two days ago I let her pick her own outfit. She picked a fairly normal shirt and skirt, then insisted on wearing a hooded sweatshirt (97 degrees outside), sunglasses, a hat (in case it rained, she justified), the pink fruit socks, and her Dora bag on her shoulder. Then she proceeded to sing into her echo microphone. Here's the resulting video (sorry - I don't know how to embed videos). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tOgXkLspEo I was singing the song later on, and at the "merrily merrily" part she goes, "That's not right. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life a putta tree. That's right."

I also found this. Amazing! It would be my dream to coordinate stuff like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

Hot

2006-07-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

I'm so hot. It's the most disgusting feeling to need a shower due to stickiness due to simply getting in and out of the car/in and out of whatever building. Yick. We keep the AC downstairs off these days to save energy (our electricity bill two months ago was over $350!!!), so I sweat even in the house.

My mom and I get so bitter everytime we go back to California. It's not like we appreciate the weather when we're there. We're just resentful of all the people who live there and take it for granted. Coolness at night. That's a big deal, Californians. We have lows in the upper 70s, and that's from 3-5 am or so. Once when I was in SF, I walked the streets of downtown with my face to the sky and my arms spread open, soaking in the coolness of June, embarrassing Gloria to death. Unfair.

There are a couple of things you hear in Houston all the time. One is, "It's so hot." Like it has to be stated. But seriously, it's so hot that you can't help but comment on it. Second is, "Close the door! Mosquitoes!" Especially in my parents' area, there are tons of mosquitoes. Another good thing about California we took for granted - mosquitoes only in the wilderness. Not in the house biting the children repeatedly.

Houston stinks. Literally.

I'm tired.

2006-07-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

As much as I'd like to write about my shock concerning the last results show, I will refrain.

So Matthew's almost 14 weeks old and is still not sleeping through the night. It's wearing me down, I tell you! Last night I tried for an hour and a half to get him to sleep before he finally gave in to me. Part of the problem was that each time he'd start to fall asleep, he'd poo. Seriously - 3 poops within half an hour. Ellie started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I'm very ready for it to happen.

Just the hardest part is the inconsistency. Three nights ago he slept for 8 1/2 hours straight. Two nights ago I couldn't sleep (I was all wound up about SYTYCD. Forreal.) and didn't go to bed until 3. That night he woke up 3 times between 3 and 8. Last night he woke up about 4 times. After I finally got him to sleep, I went downstairs with the intention of cleaning up, looked at the chaotic mess of our house, almost cried in frustration, decided to just go to sleep, heard Ellie just TALKING away in bed (at nearly 11) because she was waiting for me, lay down with her, and conked out. Fortunately I woke up before Matthew woke up for the first time, so i ended up getting up about 5 times.

Amazingly, I am able to function during the day. I think, though, that I am getting really close to losing it. Even now, I'm thinking about the two loads of laundry yet to be done and how little I want to do them. Ellie had a rough day today, too. Although she's mellowed out SIGNIFICANTLY the past month and a half or so (as did Matthew), making my life a little easier, she decided to be all whiny and fussy today. Mostly because I wouldn't let her have the candy she got in her goody bag from Christen's 3rd birthday/Matthew's 100th day party Thursday night (at Chuck E. Cheese's). Candy is evil, every way you look at it.

I know there are all the people (including Peter) who say I should just let him cry it out, but I just can't do it. For more than a couple of reasons, though, not just my being a sucker. He's also very squirmy and tends to get shoved into corners if I leave him crying too long. He can cry LOUDLY, threatening to wake up Ellie. He wakes me up each time, and I can't go to sleep when I know he's awake. Might as well feed him. I dunno... maybe a week or so of crying would do the trick. Then I could have a full night's sleep for the first time in months. I miss sleep. I just keep hoping he'll do it on his own. He's done it three times, so I know his body is capable. Argh. Such a sucker am I.

Here are a few pics from the party. Matthew didn't really appreciate it much.

Sorry... more about my show...

2006-07-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

I read your comment before I got a chance to watch the show, Scott. That's all right... I'm not that big into surprises anyway. Wednesdays are my sacred me-time night. I put the kids to bed, finish cleaning whatever needs to be cleaned, get myself an indulgent snack and beverage and just partake of the show. Yes. I was actually kind of mad that this week was only an hour long. Wonder why they cut the solos. Too burnt out? It's annoying that they put in all this junk in previous 2 hour episodes just to fill the time, and now that they actually have real stuff to show, they squeeze it into a single hour. Disappointing.

Anyway, yeah. Benji and Heidi - seriously couldn't have gotten better dance styles for their partnership. Even Peter was really into their routines. Lucky for Heidi they didn't get contemporary or hip hop. For them to have gotten a super peppy Broadway routine like that, though... ideal. Kinda incestuous, the lusty facial expressions during the mambo, but amazing nonetheless.

And Benji is SOOO going to win. Goodness gracious, the audience chants his name every time he dances. I think as far as flexibility goes, he's doing better than Travis. I think pretty much Ivan and Ryan are out of their league at this point.

I thought Natalie did really well. Lucky for her Musa's gone. He was really limiting her in the routines, I feel like. She does have a more mature style than Allison. We'll see how it goes this week seeing as she was in the bottom two last week. BTW, I actually watched High School Musical when I found out Allison was in it. I'm a little more than unhealthily obsessed.

Ryan's a good dancer, yes, but I've grown weary of him. He's so... awkward! Maybe it's his being effeminate, but I liked him even less after Natalie called him a little puppy dog following her around. Yick.

Benji. Definitely Benji.

Sorry people who don't care. I found two people who do, and I couldn't be more excited. :)

SYTYCD

2006-07-25T12:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all who referred SYTYCD fans to me. :) Sorry to anyone who doesn't care about the show, but I'm dedicating this entire entry to it. Here' s my latest take on it.

I think Heidi has to go. She looks TERRIBLE when she does hip hop, but for some reason the judges seem to love her. Obviously with Nigel being the executive producer of the show, he's trying to keep people on for ratings purposes, but I don't see the appeal of Heidi. Also, she's so super spazzy that it's kind of annoying. I'm sure she's a nice person, but clearly not the most talented female.

I also think Ryan is kinda awkward, socially. I don't know if you can make that kind of judgment just based on dancing, but I thought he handled his initial partnership with Heidi very poorly. There was an obvious lack of chemistry between them, which was not made up for by little fakey-fakey things they'd do. I think they should've eliminated him long ago when it was him and Jason in the bottom two. I ALSO think that Jason was eliminated because if Ryan had been, then Heidi and Dmitry would've been paired up, creating an unfair advantage. Conspiracy theory of mine.

I think it'll be down to Allison for the gals and either Benji or Travis for the guys. Benji's a great entertainer, excellent dancer, charming person in general, but Travis does have more technical skills. After all, the winner is going to have a contract in the Celine Dion show, which is all contemporary. Benji has yet to do contemporary, and I'm sure he'd do well, but Travis is obviously better. Unfortunately at this point, it's up to the public to determine the winner. We'll see what happens. I'm banking on a guy for sure, though.

I can't stand the hip hop choreographing girls when they do the judging. So annoying. They just regurgitate what Nigel says. Also, I find Dan Karaty to be sort of lame, too. There's this tension between him and Brian Freedman, I think. Brian's choreography is far superior, and I think they both know it.

I so look forward to Wednesdays. Like, on Wednesday morning I get all excited. Then Thursday morning I'm all sad because it will soon be over. I'm just way too into this show. I read the message boards on the website. I learned a bunch of things from it. Benji and Heidi are Mormon (hence Benji's two year mission trip to Oaxaca), and the ring Benji wears is the Mormon version of a WWJD bracelet. Musa's married, Natalie's engaged. Ivan's family is allegedly linked to the Russian mafia, which is why, one conspirator suggests, he's still on the show. Good stuff.

Come on now, people. If this doesn't make you want to watch the show, I don't know what will. Only a few more weeks left! Join in the fun!

More randomness

2006-07-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

Could someone PLEASE, for the love of God, watch So You Think You Can Dance? I really need someone to rehash things over with. I really need someone with whom to rehash. That's better, but sounds ridiculous. Anyway, I'm so obsessing over this show and NONE of my friends care. Peter says he doesn't care, but he gets all excited over hip hop routines and always wants to hear what the judges say. It's getting really good, now. Final 8. Good stuff. Check it out.

I had to put up word verification commenting on here. The other day I was checking my email and it said I had 56 junk mail messages. What the heck! It turns out it was some advertiser for poker or something that left comments on every single one of my blogs. I also had someone who had a site for Dark Sin Confession or something post comments on two. Is this common? I dunno...

You know what commercial really annoys me? I don't think it's on anymore, but that Starbucks bottled Frappuccino one where people start doing, like, a stomp routine on the street? REALLY bugs. Like, I turn the channel when it's on. Only one other commercial has ever bothered me so much - the Astroworld one with that old dancing man? Yeah... hated that one. Anyway, these Frappuccino people are all off beat, but not in a way that's like good syncopation. Just totally off. And the white people look ridiculous dancing that way.

I ended up not going to my reunion after all. I guess I'd be there right now had I gone. We didn't have a baby-sitter, and I didn't want to go without Peter. Plus, I was being all wishy washy about it, and by the time I decided I'd go, the price went up to $75 per person. $75 to not have a meal or even drinks and just see people I never really cared much about in the first place. I'd really like to go to my reunion in San Jose. Those are the people I'd known since elementary school. Wonder if I could sneak in somehow...

Ellie finally figured out gum. Took her about 5 times to get it. Now she's addicted. It's the easiest bribe, though, and I don't mind so much as long as it's sugarfree. Plus, it makes her breath smell nice. :) BTW, I found out that her ballet teacher has a studio closer to our house that has classes for just two year olds on Friday. Hooray! We don't have to stop going after the summer now. She's really liking it now. And the teacher said she actually dances! They keep closing the curtain during class... I think it's because of me. Ellie keeps waving at me, and now Hailey is in the class too. Ginny hides so Hailey won't cry more, but she kept looking at me despairingly, like, "Rescue me from this nightmare!" Sad.

Matthew is so much more mellow now. He'll sit by himself for pretty long periods of time now, especially if he can see me. Thank goodness! I was getting pretty tired. He's so smiley now, too. It's just so much more gratifying being a mother when your baby smiles at you. We went to a wedding reception today at church, and he was being passed around quite a bit amongst the Seoul Baptist people. It was decided that he looks like 1) Peter, exactly, 2) me, sort of, 3) my dad's brother (who is MUCH better looking than my dad, added Mrs. Huh), 4) a combination of Danny and Paul (weird), 5) my dad but better looking, 6) Peter's uncle. Mostly, it was the usual response, "Who does he look like?" Apparently, everyone.

My kids look like me!

2006-07-18T22:00:00.000-07:00

When Matthew was first born, we were looking at my baby album and discovered he kinda looked like I did when I was a baby. I pulled it out again today, and now he looks EXACTLY like I did when I was a baby. The only thing is that his mouth is usually closed in photos (or fist is inserted) while mine was always hanging open in a very "duh" expression. Then you turn a few pages in the album, and ta da! I become Ellie! Weird. Then you turn a few more pages, and all photographical records of my childhood are over. Sad.

Danny says people say Abby looks like me. People say Matthew looks like Danny. Of course, the two cousins look nothing alike, but neither do Danny and I. So I guess that makes sense... sort of.

Here are some recent pics of Matthew in his first trendy outfit. I finally figured out how to get him to smile in pictures, too, so that's good. His shirt says Rock-a-Bye Baby on it, by the way. Target, $3.99. I am not ashamed.

Sigh. He's so big already. When we stand him up next to Ellie, she's really not much bigger than he is. I couldn't believe how huge he looked when she was holding him in her lap. He's getting mellower now, too. He can play by himself for longer periods of time and will sit and watch me from the highchair. He'll lie down on the bed or couch for pretty long if I'm next to him. Now if only he would sleep through the night...

Surviving my days

2006-07-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

I've written before about how I get pre-partum depression. I start dreading the birth of the baby, convinced that it'll ruin my life and take away all my happiness. That sounds dramatic, but it's pretty close to accurate. When I went into labor with Matthew, I started bawling because I wouldn't get that last week with Ellie as my only child. Before I had Ellie, I wouldn't let anyone come over during the last few months of my pregnancy because I was afraid that Peter and I would never be alone again.

So the last couple of months before Matthew was born, I was going crazy trying to make the time last as long as possible. I took Ellie to all these fun places, napped with her, stayed with her in bed until she fell asleep, etc. I didn't want the day to end because it meant that we were one day closer to losing our relationship.

As it turns out, we still have a pretty great relationship. We get to spend lots of time together. I'm the mom that takes the older kid to Gymboree while Bjorning the baby. We go to storytime at the library while Peter stays with Matthew. She loves shopping, so I take her anytime I go. HOWEVER, the big difference is that now I can't wait until the end of the day. My goal for each day is to survive it. It really is so much more tiring with the two kids than just the one. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN, mothers of one!

Isn't that sad, though? What a pathetic way to live life. Seriously, my daily goal is to make it through the day. I guess life tends to get monotonous for a lot of people, but I was getting all depressed about it today. I wish I still cherished every moment I have with my kids. When I had Ellie (because the depression went away as soon as she was born), I was determined to enjoy my time with her. I didn't ever want to be one of those moms who lamented over their kids growing up so fast. And honestly, I really did cherish each minute. Now I'm just too busy.

My poor Matthew. I really do love him to death, but it's hard to really cherish our time together, mostly because Ellie's right there in the middle of it. He's totally at the age when I start getting really into babies, too. He smiles all the time and coos at me. Really cute. And I try to make sure we get one on one time, but it's not the same at all. My friends who have more than one kid say you enjoy the second one more because you're not all nervous and panicky, but I feel like time is going too fast to enjoy my second. I can't believe he's almost three months old already!

I hope I can figure out how to simply enjoy them before Matthew becomes a toddler.

Grandma and Grandpa

2006-07-12T11:32:00.000-07:00

The relationship between my parents and my kids is very interesting. Ellie goes through phases with my mom. Sometimes she loves her, sometimes just tolerates her, sometimes is flat-out rude to her. The other day she was having a BLAST with Grandma. Just dragging her by the hand, playing and laughing, and (as Grandma bragged to Grandpa) "giving kisses willingly."

On the other hand, Grandpa has always been the favorite grandparent of Ellie's. She'll run up to him and is always excited to see him. I think because he's the only one that really gets on the floor and crawls around with her and acts silly. Peter's uncle (his dad's younger brother) came to visit once. He was crawling around with Ellie, too, and she thought he was just great. I guess it's the silliness that makes the most difference.

Anyway, the interesting thing is that she likes Grandpa the best, but he gives her the least leeway as far as behavior goes. He's always telling her how he loves her conditionally, only when she's being good and is clean and stuff. If she's being crazy, he leaves the room. It's weird, though, because the other 3 grandparents will bend over backwards to keep her from crying and whining and stuff, but they can't always win her over. I don't know what it is. It's like she enjoys the challenge or something. And my dad has JUST NOW started paying attention to Matthew. As he says, "Now he finally looks like a human." Nice, Grandpa.

My parents are very very different when it comes to showing affection. My dad's nickname amongst my friends when I was younger was Kissy Monster. My friends didn't address my mom directly at all. Like when we got married, my dad told Peter immediately to call him Dad. Peter then asks my mom, "What should I call you?" She replies tight-lipped, "You can call me Mrs. Chai." He still doesn't really know what to call her, so he just calls her everything: Mom, omonim, jangmonim, Mrs. Chai, samonim, Chris' mom...

Regardless of the affection that we were (or were not) given, one thing that was never present from either parent growing up was "I love you." I seriously can't remember the last time either of my parents said that to me. I'm sure it's a generational thing, because somehow Danny and I both ended up being affectionate people, even verbally. But now that my parents are grandparents, I guess all reserve flies out the window. They tell Ellie every time they see her, repeatedly, that they love her. OK, so my mom usually tells Ellie, "Say, 'I love you, Grandma,'" before she'll say it to Ellie, but at least she says it. And Ellie always says it back.

A few weeks ago, I was at my parents' house for lunch. My dad was home, and he and Ellie had been having a great time reading books and playing and stuff. After a couple of hours she started getting really tired and cranky and threw a tantrum. I got all nervous, knowing her unconditional love for Grandpa and his conditional love for her. So I left, not wanting to jeopardize the relationship. (Plus, Matthew was screaming and crying, wanting only me to hold him.)

Turns out Grandpa's love is fairly unconditional after all. All she had to do was run to him and give him a hug and kiss for the memory of the badness to go away... so I thought. I talked to my dad a few days after the tantrum. He was all worried that Ellie had gone bad for good. Then he said something interesting - "I know she's my granddaughter and I love her, but I couldn't help being a little mad at her for giving you such a hard time. You ARE my daughter, after all." So I guess that's where loyalties lie. And I think that was my dad's way of saying, "I love you."

Ballet video

2006-07-08T23:37:00.000-07:00

I think I figured out how to upload videos onto YouTube. Sorry if you already got an email link to this. Tell me if it works. I really have no idea what I'm doing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2NyzylA5OE

Random thoughts and some cute pics

2006-07-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

I've decided after all to go to my high school reunion. Ten years... crazy. When we went to Peter's (oh so many years ago), everyone looked so old. Now I'm that old. I wasn't sure if I'd go because I'm all fat and stuff, but I think if I find the right empire waisted dress and control top something or the other, I'll be OK.

I went to our neighborhood workout room today. I thought I'd do the elliptical machine for half an hour. When I first felt like I was dying and wouldn't be able to continue, I checked the monitor thing. 3 minutes and 42 seconds had passed. Sad.

I started reading Freakonomics. SO interesting. Peter and I have been passing the book back and forth because we're both totally into it. It's been awhile since I was really into a book.

I got a dress on ebay for $34.95 + $4.00 shipping. When I got it, I didn't like it. The tag had a Macy's proof of purchase, so I went to return it and got $49.99 credit. Awesome.

My left boob is making twice as much milk as my right. Matthew can't keep up with the production. It's kinda funny because Ellie preferred the right. Now my boobs are all lopsided. Sorry to any guys reading this.

Jonathan has this really nice camera that he used to take some pictures of our kids. Just thought I'd share them. Also included are Ellie's hair that I'm planning on doing for Marsh's wedding and the first picture of Matthew actually smiling a genuine smile with Ellie actually smiling a genuine smile. Ellie kinda looks like I did as a toddler in the 3rd pic...

First class - sorry, it's long!

2006-07-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

OK. Today was the day that, really, if I think about it, I've been waiting for all my life. Ellie's first ballet class. SO cute, I could hardly stand it. The class is for 2-3 year olds, but it seems the average age is 3 1/2. Ellie was seriously a head shorter than everyone else (including one boy), and significantly younger. She didn't know WHAT was going on. I wish I could post the 20 minute video I took of the class... I'll show you if you ever want to see it. I already made Jenn watch it.

Anyway, to preface the cutest thing ever, this was how my day started. 3:17 am Matthew wakes up and demands food. 6:11 Matthew wakes up again to demand food (We're actually making negative progress with the sleeping through the night. He's gone from waking up every 5 hours to every 2.) and poop. 6:53 Matthew wakes up AGAIN for no reason other than the desire to play. 7:55 I surrender to his coos and stop pretending to be asleep (as though it was doing me any good - the kid's 2 months old). 8:00 I give him a bath to get rid of his Oh-Family-Stinkyhead. 8:15 Ellie wakes up. 9:00 Matthew goes back to sleep, Ellie gets plopped into the tub. 9:15 I take a quick shower, washing only the body parts that are especially sticky due to Houston and breastmilk squirting (sorry, graphic). 9:30 I shove a granola bar and a sippy cup of milk in Ellie's hand, grab a banana, pull peacefully sleeping Matthew out of bed, and run out the door. 9:45 it starts pouring rain. 9:46 I realize I don't have an umbrella. 9:47 I pull into the parking lot of the ballet school. 9:48 I run into the office to find out where I'm supposed to go and borrow a big umbrella. 9:50 I carefully balance the umbrella on the car door and Bjorn crying Matthew. 9:51 I hurl my diaper bag, bottle cooler, and videocamera over my shoulder. 9:52 I somehow manage to carry Ellie along with the other things into the school. 9:53 it stops raining.

So we get there and she's all excited. Then when class starts, the teacher takes her by the hand, leads her into the room and closes the door. So my video footage and photos are through the window, which really sucked. Anyway, I'm just dying with delight for about 10 minutes when Matthew decides he's hungry. So now I'm carrying him in my left arm, videotaping with my right hand, and propping a bottle up against my left boob. Then after he's done, I Bjorn him back, and he poops ALL OVER my shirt and hand (which happened to be under his butt). Rather than being grossed out, I'm just disappointed that I'm missing video opportunities of her class.

Ellie liked the ballet part, but didn't really know how to follow directions. She was confused when the teacher tried to get her to sit on the line or do the stuff the others were doing. Then, she is lacking the coordination to do a lot of the things they were asking, but she didn't let it get her down. When the others were hopping on one foot across the room in an orderly fashion, she was joyfully galloping around the room while looking at herself in the mirror.

Then it was time for tap. I didn't get to buy tap shoes in time (they're stinkin EXPENSIVE!), so I just brought her black patent leather mary janes. Anyway, the kids all came out to change shoes, and Ellie thought they were done. Then the teacher brought her back in and closed the door, and she started crying in confusion. Then the lady at the desk told me not to stand in the window or Ellie would cry even more, so I didn't. Later after class, I asked her why she cried. She said, "I look for Mommy and you not there. I scared." SAD! I'll just stand by the door next week.

Anyway, she said she wouldn't cry next week, and she'll have actual tap shoes by then. Here are some mostly bad pics of today. The last ones are of her eating the cookies I got to console her for being deserted by me. I wish I could post the video. So cute. She keeps waving at me and doing her "ballerina" move, which involves putting her hands over her head and spinning around. I think she was confused that they never did that. Her thighs just BULGE out of her leotard. Takes after Mommy.

Tee hee hee!

2006-07-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

I am so excited. Ellie and Hailey are going to start ballet classes this Thursday. Ellie is super excited, too. She's been talking about it everyday - ballerina class and ballerina school. I tried to go on Monday to register her, but the office was closed at that time. She was all upset and freaking out that she didn't get to go to ballerina school.

Anyway, Ginny and I went to Target and Walmart today to get leotards and tap shoes (hee hee! The class is half ballet and half tap, actually.), but we didn't find either in the girls' size. We were complaining about the fact that neither store carried the sizes small enough, but we realized we're probably the crazy ones, enrolling our two year olds in dance. I've been looking online, too, and the smallest size they have in tap shoes is 7. Ellie and Hailey wear a 6. Hmm. Good thing Jieun got Ellie actual dance tights and ballet shoes for her birthday. The size 7 ballet shoes fit, so maybe the tap shoes will as well.

I just keep thinking about the contestants on SYTYCD. Most say they've been dancing since they were three. Ellie can say she danced since she was two... as she accepts the title of "America's Favorite Dancer", season 18. :)

Photos soon to follow.

Punish my child

2006-06-30T08:47:00.000-07:00

Christen's over right now. Fay had to tutor this morning and didn't want to bring Christen along, and I knew Ellie would like to play. They're best friends. That is, they always want to be together and end up bickering the whole time. Everytime they get together, Fay and I prepare them ahead of time with "No fighting, no yelling, no grabbing, no pushing, no pinching."

Anyway, as I've written in the past, I was getting all depressed because Ellie was being such a bully and getting time out for pinching and stuff. Today has been somewhat of a revelation. Christen has been bossing her around ALL MORNING, telling her she can't do whatever it is she happens to be doing. My conclusion is that her aggressive behavior is usually a result of being provoked. Like, she knows clearly what she's allowed to do and not do, so it's frustrating when her friend tells her she's not allowed to sit in a certain chair or play with certain toys in her own house.

Not that it's OK to pinch, mind you. She gets time out for pinching, even if the argument was not initiated by her. Also, I'm not blind to her faults. I know she's aggressive and pinches when NOT provoked at times. We had a playdate at this gymnastics place. This girl was sitting on this piece of equipment that Ellie wanted, so she just went over and pinched her. Immediately I'm reprimanding her and putting her in time out. The girl's mom (8 months pregnant) comes over and starts yelling at her daughter. I assure her that her daughter had nothing to do with it and apologized profusely. The woman responds, "Oh, that's all right. Maybe not this time, but I'm sure she'll do something to deserve it sooner or later." I thought that was great.

One of the hardest things about being a parent is playing with other kids whose parents have different discipline styles. Some of our friends want you to discipline their child if they misbehave. Others are very sensitive to their kids' faults and get all offended if you even reprimand them. It's essential to know what your friends expect from you when you're with their kid... and then do even less. You know what I mean? Like Fay and I have a clear understanding that we'll reprimand each others' kids, but I don't think either of us would put the other's kid in time out. I'd want her to, though. We try to be consistent with the disciplining, so it sucks if Ellie gets away with stuff when we're not there.

For future reference, if you ever watch Ellie and/or Matthew, time out is given immediately for any aggressive behavior, defiance, or temper tantrums. Feel free to punish my children anytime you see this happen. Thanks for your cooperation. :)

My little man

2006-06-26T21:38:00.000-07:00

I'm really into Matthew these days. That sounds weird. He is, after all, my child. He's finally starting to interact and stuff. He's always happy to see me, and now he kinda coos. He says mostly "aya" and gurgles. Then spits up all over me. Anyway, I write so much more about Ellie than Matthew so I'm dedicating today to him. Here are some updates.

His jaundice is almost gone. Two months is a pretty long time to be yellow. The whites of his eyes are now a very pale canary.

He is pooping like a madman. He's had these explosive poos everyday for the past 3 days. I mean, poos that squirt out of his diaper either in the back or the leghole. And breastmilk poo stains like crazy if you don't get it out right away. I think this may coincide with the jaundice going away. Apparently pooping a lot is the way to get the extra bilirubin out of your system... or something like that.

He's a mama's boy. At night when it's time to go to sleep, he only wants me to soothe him. Peter could carry him and rock him for hours to no avail, but when he gets in Mommy's arms he's totally content.

He constantly reminds me of my need to lose weight. Matthew likes being held so that he's standing up. If I stand him on my lap, he'll immediately step up to my tummy roll. If I place him above the roll, he'll solemnly take a few steps back. I don't know if it's just really comfortable and cushy there or what, but it's his favorite spot.

He's not really into his big sister. I've heard of babies that love their older siblings from birth. Like, they get excited or they stop crying or whatever when they see their siblings. Ellie can't get enough of Matthew and has even told me that he likes her the best, but I think more than anything, she just harrasses him. He seems pretty happy when she's not around.

He still doesn't look like anyone. People say he looks more like my side of the family, and I think he favors my mom's side. He doesn't really look like me, though. Definitely not Peter, although the general consensus is that his eyes are more Jung. When his eyes are closed and his mouth is open he sort of looks like my brother. Also when he's sleeping and he does this goofy smile. He has Danny's long eyelashes, as does Ellie.

He's a cuddle bunny. I know, I know. It's not right to call him a bunny, but that's a term I use with Ellie. He's been sleeping in the bed with me and he'll somehow scooch over to me so that I wake up with him smooshed up against me, no matter where I've placed him initially. (He sleeps on his tummy, by the way.) Paranoid parents, don't freak out. I've never rolled over him. Sometimes he'll wake up and fuss, but if I put my hand on him he stops. In general, he just wants someone to be touching him at all times. Which is tiring sometimes. OK, a lot of times.

I wondered what it'd be like to have a boy. Turns out, it IS different... somehow. I can't explain how. But it's nice. :) I call him Bubby, short for Baby Bubber. Here are some recent pictures of him. He's discovered his fist, so it's in most of his pictures. BTW, I spike his hair up intentionally. He just looks better like that.

Guilt

2006-06-25T14:56:00.000-07:00

No one warns you about the inevitable feelings of guilt that accompany motherhood. Well, maybe not just mothers exclusively... is it just a part of being an adult? I dunno.

Anyway, I feel guilty everyday, usually several times a day. Here are some examples of homemaker guilt: I feel guilty when Peter starts wearing "desperation boxers" (i.e. the ones that are too small and look like briefs or the silk ones) because I haven't done laundry. I feel guilty when I don't make dinner or the dinner that I actually make is not good. I feel guilty that I don't cook very well. I feel guilty when the house is messy and I don't bother cleaning it up because Ellie destroys it again in 2 minutes. I feel guilty when Peter gets home from work and brings the trashcan in on trashday because I didn't do it earlier. But if I start taking care of those things, I feel guilty that I have to plop Ellie down in front of the TV with Dora on to do so (I so said I wouldn't be one of those moms...).

Actually, the other day I turned on Dora and tried to wash the very high pile of dishes in the sink while also doing the 4 loads of laundry that had piled up. Ellie comes over to me and takes my hand and says, "Mommy. Stop stop stop. Let's cuddle a little bit." OH MY GOSH. Seriously close to breaking down in tears. Sad! It's not like I ignore her all day or anything, but I'd been particularly busy that day. She'd also said earlier when I left her eating her mac and cheese (speaking of which, I feel guilty when I don't provide nutritious meals. At least it's organic mac and cheese.) by herself, "Mommy, I waiting for you. Let's eat together." I at that point was sorting the four loads of laundry and actually piling more dishes in the sink.

Mother/wife guilt: I feel guilty when I spend too much time with Matthew and can't give Ellie attention. I feel guilty when Ellie demands all my attention and I neglect Matthew. I feel guilty that I'm looking forward to Ellie starting Mothers' Day Out in September so I can have some time away from her. I feel guilty that I don't have nearly as many pictures of Matthew as I do of Ellie. I feel guilty when Peter comes home and I'm so sick of doling out attention that all I want from him is to clean up the house.

Random guilt: I feel guilty towards the friends we don't spend enough time with. I feel guilty when I don't have enough banchan at meals. I feel guilty when I take too long with thank you cards. I feel guilty when people ask for favors that I don't want to do. I feel guilty that I complain about my weight but eat Reese's cups at midnight (and I have a lot since I got them with a coupon at Costco). I feel guilty that shopping has become my only hobby and I spend money on useless things.

Spiritual guilt: I feel guilty when it's the end of the day and instead of spending time with God I just rewatch the routines from So You Think You Can Dance. I feel guilty that I'm not in any kind of active ministry. I feel guilty using my kids as an excuse. I feel guilty that I haven't developed relationships with anyone new at church in a long time.

So in conclusion (as every essay I wrote in elementary school ended), I feel guilty a lot. And it's kinda depressing. I'm just feeling really exhausted lately, physically and emotionally spent. Sigh. My friend Irene was in town for a day a month ago, and she asked about motherhood. I made it sound very... unhappy. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a mom. This is what I want to do. I don't think anyone can understand just how trying it can be unless you experience it yourself. That was a grammatically incorrect sentence, but I'm too tired to fix it. Seriously, I typed most of this with one hand b/c Ellie plopped herself in my lap and insisted on holding my other hand.

Sigh. Time to turn on Dora.

Must be nice

2006-06-21T20:58:00.000-07:00

Must be nice being a baby. Matt used to always make these envious comments about Ellie's baby products. Like the Bjorn, for instance - I suppose he thought it'd be nice to be carried around all the time in a pouch. And he liked her Exersaucer too, I believe. Pretty fun being surrounded by toys everywhere you turn. He liked her "I Can't Read" shirt so much I made him one in his own size.

I was holding Matthew for a couple of hours tonight, as he FREAKS OUT when he is put down while awake. He's just perfectly content being smooshed up against me, all hot and kinda stinky (Houston heat, breastmilk, and kimchee... yick). Unfortunately, as Ellie told me the other night, "Baby no like Daddy. Baby like Mommy better." Matthew mostly wants me to hold him. For some reason, he cannot be soothed by other people. Peter will be holding him and Matthew will just fuss the whole time. Then I take him and he gets this look of sheer bliss (as blissful as you can look without smiling, that is).

How nice for him. I wish anytime I were unhappy with my situation I could just make little grunty noises, and everyone around me would go out of their way to make me happy again. I wish I only had to eat one thing to be both healthy and happy. I wish the most challenging thing in my life was getting out a good burp. I wish I could sleep 17 hours a day. Must be nice. At this point, I'd be satisfied with just having time to acknowledge happiness/unhappiness in a situation, merely 2 uninterrupted meals a day (neither cooked nor washed by me), and 5 hours of straight sleep. Actually, the burping would be nice, too.

Is it ridiculous to envy your two month old?

A little obsessive

2006-06-17T21:41:00.000-07:00

Ellie's been much better. In fact, yesterday she didn't whine or cry once. She actually caught herself starting to when she couldn't get a book off the shelf. She stopped and said, "Help me, please." Yes! So I have hope that it was just a bad day. My dad asked if it was something hormonal... I think he was implying she had something PMS related. You know, because she's TWO.

Matthew started doing this goofy smile the other day. He opens his mouth and squints his eyes. The corners of his mouth don't necessarily go up, but you can tell he's happy. Like last week we left him with my mom to go out to dinner. When we came home, he was all panting and kicking and flailing his arms about. Completely straight-faced, but ecstatically happy. It was kinda funny. Sweet to know he missed me.

But anyway, what I really want to talk about is So You Think You Can Dance. They got rid of Stanislav. I looked it up online because I am apparently the only one I know who follows the show religiously. They said he didn't have enough personality. They changed the show format. The biggest change is that the judges assigned permanent partners (permanent until one is eliminated, that is, then I guess they just pair up the people who lost their partners). Then, instead of having the judges pick the bottom two couples the first night and America voting off the two people the second night, they have America vote for the bottom 3 couples, and the judges eliminate the people.

This new system seems flawed to me. First of all, I have major issues with the assigned partners. There's the obviously charismatic couple, the overly-confident and really talented couple, the kinda immature and technically weak couple... I don't know how they were assigned, but it's SOO subjective. I think they made it too easy for certain people to be successful. I do like it that the judges end up eliminating, though. At least they can ensure that the least talented people (not the least liked) will be out.

I've invested way too much time and thought into this show. Does ANYONE care about it like I do? Probably not.

ARGH!

2006-06-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Today was a day full of frustration. Ellie woke up from her nap super cranky and was the most attitudiest (new word) she's ever been. Seriously, just nonstop whining and crying and stuff. We were at my parents' house (more futile hopes of getting errands run without kids), and she was being just terrible. My dad was trying to watch this movie, but she wanted to watch Dora. Then she wanted dried blueberries, but my mom only had fresh ones. Then she didn't want to go shopping, but she didn't want to stay there, but she didn't know where she wanted to go. Then much crying and whining and frustrating of the mommy. Argh.

My dad has this thing about conditional love for his grandchildren. He would always tell Ellie when she was an infant that Grandpa only loved her when she was clean and happy and good. Fortunately for us all, she was that way most of the time (how I long for those days again). UNfortunately for her now, she's quite a terrible two. Unfortunately for Matthew as well, he fusses a lot if he's awake and not held. Hope Danny and Jieun's baby is clean and happy and good...

Anyway, one good thing came out of it. I got recognition from both my parents as being "superwoman" for having the ability to handle two sometimes crazy children. And I stopped myself from spanking in anger again. Again as in, I stopped myself again. I've never actually spanked her... yet. I was so at the end of my rope with her. She didn't want me to unbuckle her seatbelt, but she didn't want to stay in the car. So she was dangling from her carseat on her tummy for awhile, crying. Then she wanted me to hold her, but I wouldn't until she apologized. I asked if she was going to say sorry to Mommy, and she flat out said NO. It was the first time she'd rebelled against me. I would've cried had I not be infuriated with her.

After a very long time out, an actually sincere apology to Mommy, and many hugs, she was back to normal. She has fun at home with her toys and generally behaves. She even went to bed without an argument (although I did give in and read 4 instead of the standard 2 books). Maybe she was just tired? I dunno.

So she went to bed happily and I excitedly settled down to watch my So You Think You Can Dance results show on DVR... only to find out that the recording cut off the results for the guys! ARGH! They don't post the results online until the next day, I think, for Hawaii viewers' sake. Who watched? What happened?!

So that was my rough day. By the way, superwoman also managed to go to the grocery store, cook dinner, do dishes, put Ellie to bed by myself, clean the house somewhat, clean the toilets, and take a shower. Thank you very much.